Sales Joke of the Day (April 14) Sales Training.

Three cemetery plot salesmen, during a break from their sales training, in Las Vegas, go into a nearby back alley to shoot up.  The first cemetery plot salesman sterilizes his needle, swabbed it with alcohol, and shot up.  Then he passed it to the next cemetery plot salesman, who swabbed the needle and shot up.  Then he passed it to the third cemetery plot salesman, who stuck the needle right into his arm.

"Are you crazy man?" screamed the first two.  "Haven't you heard of AIDS?  You could get sick, man, you could die."

"Don't be ridiculous," said the third cemetery plot salesman in a lofty tone.  "I'm wearing a condom."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know to avoid mixing drugs and alcohol in back alleys in Las Vegas.  Death after all, profits no one.  Unless of course you're in the business of selling cemetery plots.


"He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery."    -  Harold Wilson

Sales Joke of the Day (February 4) Plotting Along.

The salesman had been unemployed for a long time.  Just as his finances starting to get into a grave situation, he spotted a help wanted ad for cemetery sales.  He was called in for an interview right away.

In the interview room, the human resources manager looked the salesman over from head to toe before saying, "Since we've had no other applicants, the job is yours providing you pass our personality test.   You see, the cemetery business isn't for everyone.  You need to be able to deal with grief and have very good control of your emotions at all times.  We take things very seriously around here.  No fooling around.  You see, most of our customers would be put in awkward situation if you really seemed to enjoy what you were doing.  So, do you consent to taking our oral examination?  It's only three questions in length."

"Yes, I consent," replied the salesman.

"Thank you.   Let's begin with the first question then." stated the human resources manager.  "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," replied the salesman.

"Correct," stated the human resources manager.  "And what would be the opposite of depression?"

"Elation," replied the salesman confidently.  With only one question to go, he knew the job would be his!

"Correct," stated the human resources manager.  "One question to go.  What would be the opposite of woe?"

Without thinking the excited salesman replied, "Giddyup!"

Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, you have to keep your emotions in check.  Whether it's interviewing for that dream job, or closing that large deal; you must not let your emotions rob you of logical thought.   Doing so could prove costly to that deal and to your career.

"The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots.  They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them.  That's not me."                                                                                     -  Ray Romano