Sales Joke of the Day (May 5) The Chicken Breasts.

As part of his  Monday morning trip to the supermarket, the salesman went to the meat counter to buy a package of boneless chicken breasts for his first barbecue of the year.  But he was disappointed because they all appeared to be to small.  So he complained to the butcher and she promised to pack up some and to have them ready for him by the time he had finished his shopping.

The salesman continued on with the rest of his shopping until a few aisles on, he heard her voice boom out over the loudspeakers of the store public address system:  "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store at the butcher counter."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals always make the most of what's readily available.   They've found through experience however,  that simply asking for more, without first proving value, rarely works out well.

"A person buying ordinary products in a supermarket is in touch with his deepest emotions."                                 -   John Kenneth Galbraith

 

Sales Joke of the Day (March 6) The VP of Sales.

The Vice President of Sales of a large corporation suffered a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The VP of Sales went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.


The farmer told him to remove the dung from the cows' stalls. The farmer thought that  somebody coming from the city, working their whole life sitting in an office, would take over a week to finish the job.   But, to his surprise the VP of Sales finished the job in less than one day.


The next day the farmer gave to the VP of Sales a more difficult assignment.  He had to cut the heads off of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the VP of Sales would not be able to do the job, but by the end of the day, the job was done.


The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the VP of Sales to divide a bag of potatoes into two boxes: one box for small potatoes, and one box for the big potatoes.


At the end of the day the farmer saw that the VP of Sales was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the VP of Sales: "How is that you completed such difficult jobs during the first two days, and now you cannot complete this simple task?"


The Vice President of Sales answered: "Listen, all my life I've cut heads and dealt with crap, but now you're asking me to make some real decisions."


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals realize that in order to be successful at sales and keep their jobs, they can't act like a chicken or stir up sheet.  Vice Presidents of Sales are experienced at dispatching both.   What you want to do is place a pile of potatoes at the entrance to your office or cubicle, with two boxes and a sign that reads, "Place small potatoes in one box and large potatoes in the other.   Whatever you do, don't leave a burlap bag laying around or you'll probably be sacked.


"The ultimate court of 'appeal' is observation and experiment....  not authority."  
                                                   -  Thomas Huxley 

 

Sales Joke of the Day (September 21) Puzzles.

A salesman receives an urgent call from his girlfriend, "Please come over, I need help urgently!  I bought a jigsaw puzzle and I can't even start it.

The salesman asks, "What is it supposed to be when it is finished?"

The salesman's girlfriend replies,  "According to the picture on the box, it's a big chicken."

The salesman hurries to his girlfriend's place to find the puzzle spread all over the table.  He studies the pieces for a moment and then looks at the box.  Turning to his girlfriend, he says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything that resembles a chicken."

The salesman takes his girlfriend by the hand and says, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax.  Let's have a cup of coffee and then," he sighs, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, sometimes you need to hand hold prospects.   You need to help them solve their current problems that they find puzzling.   At other times, you just need to put those flakes back in the box.   Knowing how to tell the difference between the two quickly, will give you a competitive edge.

"There are no extra pieces in the universe.  Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle."      -     Deepak Chopra