Sales Joke of the Day (May 31) Experiences.

Experience One.


A young sales rep of a large Fortune 1000 firm, was granted a five minute meeting with the Vice President of Sales.  It was customary at this firm and probably the only time during his career that the young rep would have a chance to meet in person with his boss's, boss's, boss's, boss's, boss's boss.


So the young sales rep got right down to business with a question, "How did you become so successful?" he asked.


"Two words," replied the vice president.


"And what would those two words be?" inquired the rep.


"Right decisions," answered the vice president.


"How do you make right decisions?" asked the rep.


"One word," the vice president paused for emphasis, "experience."


"And how do you get experience?" asked the rep.


"Two words," replied the vice president.


"And those would be?" asked the rep as his time drew to a close.


"Wrong decisions," replied the vice president, "Now go have a nice day and a great career."


Experience Two.


When an unemployed salesman was forced to apply for a job as a laborer at a local lemon grove, he was asked; "Do you have any experience picking lemons?"


"Well," he answered,  "I've been divorced three times."


Moral of the stories.   True sales professionals realize that it doesn't matter whether you're just starting in sales or you are switching industries half way through your career; your biggest asset is your experience.   Your experience makes you unique.  No one else has worked with the customers or the opportunities you have.   No one else has struggled through the adversities you have.  If you learn from your mistakes and your accomplishments, you will become more and more effective each and every day.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." 

-  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Sales Joke of the Day (March 9) The Help Wanted Ad.

The Help Wanted ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one armed salesman, with a business degree and five years of sales experience."

The salesman who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why 'one armed'?"

The CEO answered, "I have hired many salesmen over the years, and when it comes to reviewing their sales forecast I am tired of hearing the phrase, 'on the other hand'."

Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that when it comes to succeeding at sales, true sales professionals fully commit to what they forecast.   No fluff, no hail Marys, no placeholders, no sand bagging.  True sales professionals know that when it comes to their forecast it's best to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  On the other hand,  there's always the Help Wanted section of your local newspaper.

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."  
                                                                  -  Lily  Tomlin

Sales Joke of the Day (February 3) The Chiropractor.

A salesman suffered for months with chronic back pain and was eventually persuaded by his doctor to go and see a chiropractor.    "A chiropractor, doc?   Are you sure?  Are they really doctors???"  


Even though the salesman didn't have faith in such people, and was convinced they could not help him;  his back was so sore and he had missed so much sleep that he was willing to try anything.


So, the salesman went to see a local chiropractor.   And after just a few minutes of treatment, his back felt like new.


"So, how do you feel about chiropractors now?" asked the chiropractor as the salesman got up from his treatment table.


"Well," the salesman responded as he rose to his feet.  "I stand corrected."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, you can't afford to prejudge any individual, any organization or any situation.   Prejudging things or people, will sometimes cost you potential opportunities or revenue.   Remember, no one's perfect.  If you have made an error in judgment, like betting on the Broncos in the Super Bowl, don't resent it, be frustrated by it, or get upset.   Just own it and be willing to say, "I stand corrected."


"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."     
                                                                                                     -   Will Rogers

Sales Joke of the Day (October 12) The Safari.

A wealthy old salesman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking his faithful aged poodle named Experience, along for the company.


One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Experience discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.


The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"


Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"


Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.


The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"


Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"


Moral of this story..  Never mess with Experience!  Age and creativity will always overcome youth and skill burdened by  managerial input.   The ability to BS with brilliance only comes with age and experience!

"Experience is not a skill.  It is an attitude."     -     Ralph Marston

Sales Joke of the Day (October 11) The Gladiator

The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena—his opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and biting as furiously as he could.


But when his opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had no choice but to give up, for now he was both unarmed and defeated.


After the match, as the gladiator's wounds were being tended to, a reporter rushed up to him and asked:   "What motivated you to keep on fighting after all was lost?   What prepared you to be able to handle blow after blow and keep moving forward with your never say die attitude?"


"Oh that," replied the gladiator, "that was nothing.  I used to be in sales!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to be successful in sales they must never give up.  They must never settle.  No matter how many nos they receive.  No matter how many times customers yell at them for something beyond their control.  No matter how tough and grueling the hourly battles become.   A true sales professional always believes that tomorrow will be a better day.  Tomorrow will be a chance to start anew, with one minor change.  I now have more experience.


"Anyone can train to be a gladiator.  What marks you out is having the mindset of a champion."   -  Manu Bennett