Sales Joke of the Day (December 25) The Christmas Presents.

The salesman had twin children, Will, his son and Jenny, his daughter.   The two had entirely different outlooks on life.  Will was born a pessimist while Jenny was an eternal optimist.  These greatly differing attitudes caused the salesman a great deal of concern.  Particularly when it came to buying presents for them.  So the salesman decided he better consult a child psychiatrist with regard to what he should buy them for Christmas.   The psychiatrist told the salesman to spend as much as he could afford on Will the pessimist but said that Jenny would probably be happy with anything.  "In fact," said the psychiatrist, "Why not get a pile of manure for Jenny and wrap that up?  I'm sure she would be very happy with that."


The salesman took the psychiatrist's advice and spent five-hundred dollars on presents for his son Will and wrapped up a heap of manure for his daughter Jenny.


Come Christmas morning as the kids were opening up their presents, the salesman asked Will, "So, what has Santa brought you this year?"


Will answered gloomily, "A brand new bike, but I'll probably get run over while riding it; football cleats, but I'll probably break my leg while playing; and an electric train set that I'll probably end up electrocuting myself with."


Realizing this Christmas wasn't quite going as planned, the salesman turned quickly to his daughter Jenny and asked, "So what has Santa brought you this year?"


"I think I got a pony," exclaimed Jenny, who was up to her elbows in manure, "but I haven't been able to find it yet!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals realize over the holiday season that life is, really what we ourselves make of it.   It's how we look at things, not what we have that counts.   And, if you feel, over the holidays, that you are up to your elbows in manure.   Don't fret!   You're just an optimist!   And your pony is just a couple of feet deeper.  So dig in and enjoy!


"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."        -   Dr. Seuss

Sales Joke of the Day (December 24) The Present.

"What would you like for Christmas, darling?" asked the salesman as the couple prepared to spend their 20th Christmas together.  "How about a new wardrobe full of designer labels?"


"No, I don't think so," replied the salesman's wife.


"Then, what about a new Mercedes?"


"No, I don't think so," replied the salesman's wife.


"What about a Christmas holiday in Bali?"


"No, I don't think so," replied the salesman's wife.  "You see, what I really want is a divorce."


"A divorce?" exclaimed the salesman.  "Sorry, darling.  I wasn't planning to spend nearly that much!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to be successful at sales, they must be constantly North polling their customers and prospects to determine their ever-changing list of needs and wants.   At the same time, true sales professionals are aligning these needs and wants to the prospect's or customer's budget in order to keep things real.   Failure to keep any proposed project within budgetary reality could have you heading to Splitsville.   And where's the commission in that?


"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."         - Dave Berry

Sales Joke of the Day (archives) Christmas Kebabs.

A salesman walks into a kebab shop and was surprised to see Santa serving behind the counter.

"Santa!" he said.  "What are you doing working here?  Shouldn't you be up at the North Pole preparing for the big day?"

Santa let out a long sigh.  He had really fallen on hard times. The red suit was splattered with chili sauce and bits of lettuce, his apron was a mess,and he looked as if the last thing in the world he wanted to be doing was serving kebabs.

Eventually he admitted: "I'm afraid my business has gone belly up, a big bowl full of jelly belly up.  What, with the credit crunch and the recession, the toy industry took a real hammering.  I had to lay off some of the elves.  The bank wouldn't give me a loan to retool and as a result we lost our competitive edge.  We wound up the delivery side and subcontracted out to UPS but none of these measures helped our profitability.  Finally the receivers came in, asset stripped the business and we went into liquidation."

"Sorry to hear that," said the salesman.  "It kind of takes the tradition out of Christmas."

"I know," said Santa smiling weakly. "Anyway, enough of me, and my troubles.  What can I get you?"

The salesman said, "I'll have a large Donner kebab."

"Sorry," said Santa.  "We were all finished with Donner on Tuesday.  "Will a Blitzen do instead?"

Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that in tough times you have to stay positive.  In order to do that, jettison any prospects that have fallen on hard times.  Their moaning on and on about how bad the economy is, how unfair things are, how the world's set against them will drain you of all your energy and time.  Want to stay positive?  Deal with only folks who are positive about their business and their future.  Winners press on, move forward, expand their business and buy stuff to help accommodate their growth.  Losers lament, complain and drain.  Stick with winners, discard the losers and your career will soar!

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference.  That little difference is attitude.  The big difference is whether it is positive or negative."      
                                                        -    W. Clement Stone

Sales Joke of the Day (archives) Christmas Cough.

A salesman went to the doctor complaining of a sore throat and cough.


"Hmmm," said the doctor, examining him.  "Your throat is very swollen.  I wonder if it's an allergic reaction to something you've eaten.  Have you eaten anything out of the ordinary lately?"


The salesman looked sheepish.  "Well doctor, I know it was a stupid thing to do, but two days ago I ate some of our Christmas decorations."


"Ah, that explains it!" explained the doctor triumphantly.  "You've got tinselitis."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that during the holiday season they need to get plenty of rest in order to stay healthy.  Too many late nights, too much partying and extreme changes in diet over the holidays can make you sick.  Being sick is not the way to get the next year in your sales career off to a great start.


"Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper will utter those heartfelt words, Is this all I got?"       
                                                                                      -      Frasier, Cheers 1982

Sales Joke of the Day (December 21) Casting in Central Park.

A kind-hearted salesman is walking through Central Park in the afternoon, a few days before Christmas.   He is astonished to see an old man, could be homeless, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a snow bank while sitting on a park bench.

"Tsk,tsk!" said the salesman to himself.  "What a sad sight.  That poor old man is fishing over a snow bank.  The only thing he's going to catch is pneumonia.  I'll see if I can help!"

So the kind salesman walks up to the old man and asks, "What are you doing my friend?"

"Fishin', sir," the old man replied.

"Fishin', eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?  After all, it's almost Christmas."

The old man nods a yes, puts his fishing rod away and follows the kind salesman straight to the corner bar.  The salesman orders the old man a large glass of beer, a warm bowl of soup and the fine cigar the old man had asked for.

The salesman feels good about helping out the old man and he asks, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow takes a long drag on his cigar, blows a careful smoke ring and replies, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know it doesn't matter how old you are, where you are, or what the weather is that day.   As long as you have done your homework, picked the right target market and selected the right bait; anyone, can be successful at selling.

"It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish."                                                               -    Stephen Leacock

Sales Joke of the Day. (archives) A Whole Hour.

One Friday morning, a salesman arrived late with one eye swollen shut, his left arm in a sling, and his clothes in tatters.


"It's 10:00," pointed out the sales manager, "and you were supposed to be here by 9:00."


The salesman explained, "I fell out of a tenth story window."


The sales manager snorted and remarked, "And what, it took you a whole hour to land?"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that sales is a tough racket.   You can't let little things get you down.   No mater what, full speed ahead.     So if you've read down this far, what are doing?   How is this joke going to help you make your number this year?    It's December 13!  Only 12 days until Christmas and only 18 days left until year end.  Only 18 days left to hit your number for the year.   Set aside the seven swans a swimming and the partridge in a pear tree for a moment and focus on taking care of business today.  They'll be plenty of time for shopping and getting ready for the holiday season over the weekend.   Want a shot at just one of the five golden rings this year?  Then get back to work.....   At year end, an extra hour here or there can make a world of difference.


Good luck!


"The future is something everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, who ever he is." -  C.S. Lewis


"Let him who would enjoy a great future waste none of his present."        -  Roger Babson