Sales Joke of the Day (May 27) Fishing.

A kind-hearted salesman was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.


"Tsk!  Tsk!" said the salesman to himself as he passed by.  "What a sad sight.  That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers, I'll see if I can help him out."


The kind salesman walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"


"Fishin, sir."


"Fishin, eh?  Well how would you like to com have a drink with me?"


The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind salesman to the corner bar.  He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.


His host, the kind salesman, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"


The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to be successful in sales, you have to be fishing for opportunities 24 X 7.  The real trick, you can only learn through experience, is making sure you stay focused on "reel" opportunities while not falling for someone else's bait.


"The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope."  -  John Buchan

Sales Joke of the Day (May 25) Gone Fishing?

One morning, a salesman returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife (also a salesperson) decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.


Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"


"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").


"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.


"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."


"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."


"If you do that, I 'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.


"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.


"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."


"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.


Moral of the story: Never argue with a salesperson when they are trying to unwind and relax.  A good vocabulary and quick wit are useful tools in any situation.


"Fishing is a hard job. Fishing at night.  Rain.  Day, night.  You have to be wise and smart.  And quick."    -  Mariano Rivera
 

Sales Joke of the Day (April 6) Ice Fishing.

A heavily inebriated salesman decides to go ice fishing.  He starts to drill a hole through the ice with his auger when a loud booming voice from above says, "There's no fish down there!  You can't drill down there!"


So the salesman stops drilling and moves a little ways and starts to drill again.   Again a loud booming voice from above says, "There's no fish down there!  You can't drill down there!"


So the salesman stops drilling and moves a little ways and starts to drill again.   Again a loud booming voice from above says, "There's no fish down there!  You can't drill down there!"


The salesman now very frustrated, looks to the heavens and asks, "God, why are punishing me?  Is it because I have drank too much?"


"I am not God," replied the booming voice, "look over here in the stands stupid.  I'm just the arena manager!"


Moral of the story.   Sales professionals know that just because you have the ability sell well; it's a useless skill unless you also have the ability to pinpoint where you need to be selling.   And to whom.   City websites, chamber of commerce websites, and some state governments have studies online that will cover what industries are hot in a given geographic area.  From there it's a simple step to narrow your search by region, industry and executive type through data.com, Contacts by Jigsaw; and it's only a matter of time before you bring in the big one.


Happy fishing folks!   And remember it's only by casting according to plan that you will be able to keep your sales career from becoming frozen.

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."  
                                                         -  Stephen Wright

 

Sales Joke of the Day (March 29) The Big One That Got Away.

A hot shot salesman, considered a tough negotiator, was out fishing one day when he caught a strange looking fish.  He reeled the fish in, unhooked it, and threw it on the ground next to him.  The fish started writhing in agony and, to the salesman's surprise, said, "Please throw me back into the lake and I'll grant you three wishes."


"Any three wishes, huh?" the salesman mused as visions of expensive fast cars, beach front property and gorgeous women paraded through his head.  "Fish," he finally exclaimed, "give me five wishes and I'll throw you back."


"Sorry," the fish answered while struggling for breath, "only three wishes."


The salesman's pride was now at stake and after giving the matter some thought he announced.  "What do you take me for?  A sucker?  I'll settle for four wishes."


"Only three," the fish murmured weakly.


Fuming, the salesman debated the pros and cons of accepting the three wishes or continuing to bargain for that extra wish.  Finally, the hot shot decided it wasn't worth looking a gift fish in the mouth and said, "All right fish, you win, three wishes."


Unfortunately, the fish was dead.


Moral of the story.   Not everyone appreciates "deadpan" humor.  True sales professionals appreciate the art of the deal.  True sales professionals also appreciate the fact that if you push a "hooked" prospect too far during the negotiation phase, that they could jump off your "line" and become a "sinker."  Or worse still, they could get "lured" away by the competition.  Sometimes it's best to just "scale" down your personal expectations a bit to make sure you get your "catch" across the "fin"ish "line" while helping out your "net" income in the process.  After all, if you let too many big ones get away, you're the one getting "canned."


How did you find that "reel" world advice?    A bit too "fishy."    Are you "tuna"d in or "tuna"d out at this point?


Seeing no way to "worm" myself out of this corner; I guess I'll just have to cut "bait."


Not before wishing you all nothing but happy "scales"  at the end of the quarter.  Hope you were able to reel in the big one.


"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."   
                                                       -   Steven Wright

Sales Joke of the Day (December 21) Casting in Central Park.

A kind-hearted salesman is walking through Central Park in the afternoon, a few days before Christmas.   He is astonished to see an old man, could be homeless, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a snow bank while sitting on a park bench.

"Tsk,tsk!" said the salesman to himself.  "What a sad sight.  That poor old man is fishing over a snow bank.  The only thing he's going to catch is pneumonia.  I'll see if I can help!"

So the kind salesman walks up to the old man and asks, "What are you doing my friend?"

"Fishin', sir," the old man replied.

"Fishin', eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?  After all, it's almost Christmas."

The old man nods a yes, puts his fishing rod away and follows the kind salesman straight to the corner bar.  The salesman orders the old man a large glass of beer, a warm bowl of soup and the fine cigar the old man had asked for.

The salesman feels good about helping out the old man and he asks, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow takes a long drag on his cigar, blows a careful smoke ring and replies, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know it doesn't matter how old you are, where you are, or what the weather is that day.   As long as you have done your homework, picked the right target market and selected the right bait; anyone, can be successful at selling.

"It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish."                                                               -    Stephen Leacock

Sales Joke of the Day (October 16) Fishing With The Boss.

A salesman calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.  We'll be gone for a week.  This is a great opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting.  So could you please pack me enough clothes for a wee and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office, so I will swing by the house to pick up my things.  Oh!  Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."


The salesman's wife this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.  The following weekend, the salesman comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.  The wife welcomes him home and asks, "Did you catch many fish?"


The salesman replies, "Yes! Lots of walleye, some bluegill and a few pike.  But why didn't you pack my new silk pajamas like I asked you to?"


"Oh, I did," she replies.  "I packed them in your tackle box."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, telling the truth is important.  If you lie to a customer, you will eventually get caught.  No matter how shiny the reward, sales professionals don't use canned lines and they don't let their credibility get hooked by temptation.   They know losing their credibility will cause their career to sink.


"Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes."    -    Don Marquis