The salesman had been invited to his sister's place to watch the
football playoff games on their big screen TV. When he arrived his
nephew ran to the front door to greet him with a big hug.
"I'm so glad to see you Uncle!" shouted his nephew. "You're not carrying anything are you?"
"No, I'm not carrying anything, Jimmy," replied the salesman.
"So, does that mean you're empty-handed then?" asked Jimmy.
"Well, yes, I guess it does," replied the salesman, somewhat bewildered. "Why do you ask?"
"Now Daddy can do the trick he's been promising to do all week!" exclaimed little Jimmy.
"Trick?" asked the salesman. "What trick?"
"Daddy has been telling Mommy all week that he would be climbing the
walls if you showed up here empty handed again!" replied little Jimmy.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they must adhere to all forms of social
convention. If you are invited to a party or a get together during the
football playoffs, it's customary to bring something. Either something
to drink, like a bottle of fine wine, or a case of expensive beer, or
perhaps a snack food item to enhance everyone's enjoyment of the game.
Or, perhaps a bucket of chicken, a couple of pizzas, a few bags of
potato chips and salsa, chicken wings, a plate of pigs in a blanket, a
fondue with cheese, an assortment of meat, scallops and all the fixings,
any of these items will help make the celebration a little more
festive. You don't want to get the reputation of being a freeloader.
Such a personal foul will cost you a lot more than 15 yards and an
automatic first down. Such a personal foul could prevent you from
advancing in your career.
"One of the biggest things you have is your reputation and your reputation with knowing what's good and what's not good." - Paul Feig
The salesman's New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular
marathon with numerous guests, co-workers, friends, neighbors and
relatives, coming and going. At one point a man knocked at the door,
was greeted heartily by the salesman, and although nobody knew who he
was, the salesman led him to his fully stocked bar in the basement.
The strange guest just sat there at the bar for a couple of hours
before the salesman passed by him as he was making his rounds. At that
moment a strange look came over the stranger's face.
"You know," he confided to the salesman. "I wasn't even invited to
your party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars
are blocking my driveway."
"No worries," replied the salesman. "I'm glad you and your wife are having a good time."
"Her?" replied the stranger, pointing the very attractive young lady
dressed in a classic black party dress. "Oh, no. She's not my wife.
She's just been very friendly to me the past couple of hours. My wife
has been sitting out in the car, waiting for me to get the driveway
cleared."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales you need to know all the people in the party you
are trying to do business with. By not knowing all those involved in
your customers' or your prospects' decision making process, you might
unknowingly leave someone out in the cold. This could lead to a
buildup of resentment towards you and eventually cost you the sale.
"Our sympathy is cold to the relation of distant misery." - Edward Gibbon
After working in sales for over twenty years, the salesman decided to
take early retirement and escape from the stresses of modern day life
by buying fifty acres of land in a desolate area of Vermont. His home
was totally isolated and, for the first six months, the only people he
saw were the mailman and the guy who delivered his groceries. Then one
evening, he was surprised by a knock at the door. Standing there was
this big Vermontan.
"I'm Caleb, your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. I'm
having a party Saturday night and I thought you might like to come."
"That sounds good, I'd like to meet some local folks," replied the salesman.
"Oh, but I gotta warn you - there's gonna be some heavy 'drinkin.' "
"Don't worry about that, I am retired salesman, I'd have to drink with clients every day!" replied the salesman.
"Oh, and there's going to be plenty of bacon too!"
"No worries, I am retired salesman. Pigs in a blanket, with bacon,
were mandatory at every trade show. I live to eat bacon," replied the
salesman.
"Oh, and there's going to be fighting."
"That's no problem, I am retired salesman. I can talk my way out of anything."
"Oh, there's probably going to be some naked goings on towards the end when things get outta hand."
"Great!", replied the salesman, "after six months of isolation, I'm up for anything!"
"Right, see you Saturday night then," said Caleb.
"One thing before you go," interjected the salesman. "Is there any theme to this party? What should I wear?"
"Wear whatever you want," answered Caleb. "It's just going to be the two of us."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales you need to be sociable. You need to be seen
at local social functions and parties so you can get a chance to know
people. Remember however, to watch your bacon intake. Since it's
the prized food commodity at any event, folks will be watching you
closely to see if you make a pig of yourself. Beware of those
individuals who keep trying to offer you too much bacon. They no doubt
have ulterior motives and are really just trying to grease your palm
now so they can get something from you later. Last, pay special
attention to your selection of the bacon you eat at these events. Go
for the leanest slices possible. At parties or social events you need
to be chewing the fat with other guests rather then gnawing away at a
poorly selected slice of barely cooked bacon all night. Your goal is to
sizzle, and no gristle.
"We have found that morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by
hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey,
to be preserved in cells." - William Taylor
Having been invited to his friend's wedding anniversary party, the salesman asked what apartment he should go to.
"Go to the eleventh floor," his friend instructed. "Find apartment G
and push the buzzer with your elbow, and when the door opens, quickly
put your foot against it."
"Why such an elaborate plan, just to get into your place?" asked the salesman.
"Well," exclaimed the host, "you're not planning on coming empty handed now are you?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals pay close attention
to social convention. If invited somewhere to a party it's customary to
bring a fine bottle of wine, or a dessert, or if it's a special
occasion, a gift. Failure to do so, could result with you spending a
lot more time in front of your computer at home on weekends. With nothing to do but wait for the phone to ring.
"There is a kind of courtesy in skepticism. It would be an offense against polite conventions to press our doubts too far."
- George Santayana
