The salesman's wife left a sticky note on the fridge . . . . . . . .
"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore: I've gone to stay at my
mothers!"
After a long day on the road. The salesman came home, read the
note, and opened the fridge. The fridge light came on and his beer,
well, it was still cold. The salesman wondered to himself, "What's her
problem?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed you not only have to be passionate about your products or
service, but you also have to have compassion for your prospects and
customers. Dealing with the high stress of quotas and customer
complaints, day in day out, can cause some sales people to became
insensitive. They can became insensitive to others needs and
feelings. For a professional salesperson this can be disastrous. A
healthy income in sales is based on the preservation of healthy
relationships. If you start losing relationships; you start to lose
income. Staying sensitive to others just makes cents.
"What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a
sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything!"
- H.P. Lovecraft
A salesman walked into a bar and said to the bartender: "Give me a beer before the arguments start."
The bartender poured him a beer.
A couple of minutes later, the salesman said again: "Give me a beer before the arguments start."
The bartender poured him another beer.
A few minutes later, the salesman said for a third time: "Give me a beer before the arguments start."
Thoroughly confused, the bartender said: "Excuse me, when are you going to pay for all those beers?"
The salesman said: "There it is. Now the arguments start."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that arguments
accomplish nothing. Even when confronted with logic, irrational minds
sometimes cling to their initial positions merely to save face in front
of their colleagues. Other times information on new technologies, new
ideas or new ways of doing things will be automatically challenged by
those clinging to the way things used to be in an attempt to have
relevance. Don't waste your time on these dinosaurs. The free market
will drive them to extinction. Engage those companies and those
individuals who are progressive in thought and deed and who believe in
the merits of change. It is these individuals and organizations, that
embrace change, that will grow and become even more successful in the
future. Spend your time focused on such prospects, and your career
will grow right along with them.
"People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument."
- Will Rogers
A salesman goes into a bar and orders a beer. He takes a sip of the beer and a small voice says, "Nice Tie!"
The
salesman looks around and doesn't see anyone. A little puzzled, he
takes another sip, and again the voice says, "Nice shirt too!"
Now the salesman calls the bartender back and complains that every time he takes a sip of beer he hears a small voice.
"Oh never mind that!" replied the bartender. "That's just the peanuts! They're complimentary!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to be part of a great team. Sales can't
succeed alone. Marketing, support, engineering, finance, collections
and human resources all contribute to your success. Don't forget to
pay them at least compliment from time to time. After all, compliments
are free!
"Everybody likes a compliment." - Abe Lincoln
The salesman had been invited to his sister's place to watch the
football playoff games on their big screen TV. When he arrived his
nephew ran to the front door to greet him with a big hug.
"I'm so glad to see you Uncle!" shouted his nephew. "You're not carrying anything are you?"
"No, I'm not carrying anything, Jimmy," replied the salesman.
"So, does that mean you're empty-handed then?" asked Jimmy.
"Well, yes, I guess it does," replied the salesman, somewhat bewildered. "Why do you ask?"
"Now Daddy can do the trick he's been promising to do all week!" exclaimed little Jimmy.
"Trick?" asked the salesman. "What trick?"
"Daddy has been telling Mommy all week that he would be climbing the
walls if you showed up here empty handed again!" replied little Jimmy.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they must adhere to all forms of social
convention. If you are invited to a party or a get together during the
football playoffs, it's customary to bring something. Either something
to drink, like a bottle of fine wine, or a case of expensive beer, or
perhaps a snack food item to enhance everyone's enjoyment of the game.
Or, perhaps a bucket of chicken, a couple of pizzas, a few bags of
potato chips and salsa, chicken wings, a plate of pigs in a blanket, a
fondue with cheese, an assortment of meat, scallops and all the fixings,
any of these items will help make the celebration a little more
festive. You don't want to get the reputation of being a freeloader.
Such a personal foul will cost you a lot more than 15 yards and an
automatic first down. Such a personal foul could prevent you from
advancing in your career.
"One of the biggest things you have is your reputation and your reputation with knowing what's good and what's not good." - Paul Feig
Two salesmen were keeping up their weekly tradition that they kept on
Sunday afternoon during football season. They would meet at their
local sports bar to watch one of the one o'clock football games on the
jumbo TV while they would enjoy a few beers and some chicken wings.
During the game they would be cheering for the various teams they had
bet on that week, and by halftime, most weeks, they would both be two
sheets to the wind. This put them in the perfect state of mind,
drunken regret, to take part in their weekly halftime discussion about
life and marriage.
The first salesman started in with, "Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's degree."
"And a woman gains her Masters!" added the second.
"You know sport, I've always admired how you never refer to your wife
by her first name. Instead you always use pet names like Sugar, Honey,
Kitten or Sweetie. I think that is so sweet, sweetie! Using all
those terms of endearment shows just how much you care about her,"
declared the first salesman.
"To tell you the truth," replied the second. "I forgot her real name
three years ago and have just been covering up ever since!"
As the football game was ready to get started again with the second
half kick-off, the first salesman took another swig of beer and this
time more quietly said, "My wife's an angel."
At that point the second salesman gestured a toast with his beer
bottle to the first and exclaimed, "You're lucky - mine's still alive!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be able to unwind and relax on the
weekend. One great way to unwind is to get together and play an
organized team sport like football, with friends and/or business
associates. If such a venue is not an option for you in your immediate
area, exercising your right elbow and your freedom of speech at a local
pub, while just watching a game of football, is a good alternative.
"Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family." - Bo Bennett
The salesman is down on his luck. Sales haven't been coming in
and neither have the commission checks. So he does what any
self-respecting salesman does in these situations; he goes to the bar to
discuss his sorrows with his buds, over a cold ones. Buds squared for
some folks.
After a couple of cold ones, the salesman says to his beer buddy, "My
wife tells me we can't afford beer anymore so I have to give it up."
His pal replies, "Sorry to hear that man. Hey, don't worry about tonight. These are on me."
The salesman responds with, "Thanks man, it's appreciated but I got
it covered. Besides, a day later I catch my old lady spending $100 on
makeup. So I ask her, how come I have to give up stuff but she
doesn't."
"That's telling her."
"Then she says she needs the makeup to look pretty for me," exclaimed the salesman.
"I've seen your wife, she's got a point," chuckled his pal.
"Yeah, true," says the salesman. "But then I told her that's what the beer was for."
"She's not coming back is she?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to stay focused on the task at hand. In
tough times, you need to stay close to your immediate family for
encouragement and support. The last thing you need to do is drown your
sorrows in beer. That will only serve to dampen your "spirits." And
the last person people want to hang out with is a "winer."
"Beauty lies in the eye of the beer holder." - Kinky Friedman
