Sales Joke of the Day (May 27) Faith In Humanity.

After shopping for most of the day, a salesman and his wife return to their car to it has been stolen.  They go to the police station to make a full report.  Then a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any of the evidence can be found at the scene of the crime.  To their amazement, the car has been returned.


There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert.  The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your vehicle to rush her to the hospital.  Please forgive the inconvenience.  Here are two tickets for tonight's Garth Brooks concert.  Please accept them as my apology.


Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late.  They find their house has been robbed.  Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic.  And, there is a note on the door that read,  "Well, you still have your car.  I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals realize that sales can often be a rough business.   There will be those that steal your accounts, your ideas and your efforts and will take the credit for themselves.  Remember that they will never be able to take your knowledge, your abilities, your personal integrity, your values or your determination.  In the long run it is your personal attributes, that cannot be stolen, that will ultimately comprise your career.  In the long run, the minute achievements that are stolen will not make a difference.  They are like drops of water that the thief who has stole them, will never be able to hold on to for long.


You must not lose faith in humanity.  Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.     - Mahatma Gandhi

Sales Joke of the Day (May 17th) Sales Tools.

There was this little salesman sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big burly beast of a dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.


The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea!"


The little salesman thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."


So the little salesman has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little salesman is gone for an hour or so. But then thinks for awhile and asks himself, " Why shouldn't I be at the bar if I want to?"


So the little salesman goes back to the bar, walks up behind the big dude and WHAM!!!"  He knocks the big dude off his stool.  In fact he hits him so hard he knocks him out cold!!!   The little salesman looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears!"


Moral of the story.   No matter what the challenge, a salesman with the right sales tools and enough effort can overcome the biggest obstacles!  Never underestimate the value of having the right sales tool at your disposal at the right time!

"We become what we behold.  We shape our tools and then our tools shape us."

-  Marshall McLuhan

Sales Joke of the Day (February 23) The Beer.

A salesman goes into a bar and orders a beer.  He takes a sip of the beer and a small voice says, "Nice Tie!"


The salesman looks around and doesn't see anyone. A little puzzled, he takes another sip, and again the voice says, "Nice shirt too!"


Now the salesman calls the bartender back and complains that every time he takes a sip of beer he hears a small voice. 


"Oh never mind that!" replied the bartender.  "That's just the peanuts!   They're complimentary!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales you need to be part of a great team.   Sales can't succeed alone.  Marketing, support, engineering, finance, collections and human resources all contribute to your success.   Don't forget to pay them at least compliment from time to time.  After all, compliments are free!


"Everybody likes a compliment."     -   Abe Lincoln

Sales Joke of the Day (January 10) Bar Negotiations.

The bartender asked a salesman sitting at the bar,  "What will you have?"


The salesman answered, "A scotch please."


The bartender handed him the drink and said, "That will be five dollars."


The salesman said, "What are you talking about?  I don't owe you anything for this."


A lawyer sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there.  In the original offer, which constitutes a binding offer upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."


The bartender was understandably unhappy, but said to the salesman, "Okay, I'll let you off this time, but don't ever let me catch you in here again."


The next day, the same salesman walked into the bar.  The bartender yelled out, "What the h-e-c-k are you doing back in here again???   I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint!   I can't believe you've got the nerve to come back!"


The salesman said innocently,  "What are you talking about?  I've never been in this place in my life."


Feeling sorry that he had made a terrible mistake, the bartender backed down.  "I'm very sorry," he said, "but the likeness is uncanny.  You must have a double."


The salesman replied, "Thanks.  Make it a scotch."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, they must have a good understanding of fundamental contract law and they must have great negotiation skills.   Now, if you're a bit behind in either of these areas of knowledge and your sales manager suggests that you, "Raise the bar on your negotiation skills," you're not being told to go have a drink and stiff your local bartender.


"So much of life is a negotiation - so even if you're not in business, you have opportunities to practice all around you."    -  Kevin O'Leary

Sales Joke of the Day (archives) The Betrayal

A salesman is complaining to a friend: “I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful woman. Then it was all gone!”


“What happened?” asks the friend.


“My wife found out!” replied the salesman.  "And all she could say was, "How could you 'petraeus' us like that?"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals have morals.  They understand that their personal life is an indicator of their professional life and "vice" versa.  True sales professionals know that you can't put a price on your own credibility and once it's sold, there are no refunds or exchanges.


"Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise, and trading on your integrity and not having dignity in life.  That's really when failure comes."        -     Tom Cochrane