Sales Joke of the Day (April 28) Witness.

One day on a busy street corner, a huge man walks up to a police officer and says, "Theuse me offither, can you tell me where thidde thid, and thacramento ith?"


The police officer doesn't reply.  The large man asks his question again, but still no reply.  Finally the frustrated giant walks away.


A nearby salesman who witnessed the incident, walks up to the officer and asks, "Officer, why didn't you tell that man where thirty-third and Sacramento is?"


The police officer replies,  "Thure, and dit the thit ticked out of me!"


"To one who believes that really good industrial conditions are the hope for a machine civilization, nothing is more heartening than to watch conference methods and education replacing police methods."    -   Frances Perkins


Moral of the story.  Too often as sales professionals we rely on our gut, our ability to connect seemingly endless pieces of information together to make sense out of things, and our instinct to ask questions as soon as things don't seem to make sense to us.  While these keen characteristics lead to our dominance in the sales arena, if misapplied in the real world, our super human powers of perception, observation and interrogation could lead to our extinction as a species.  So sales pros, learn to keep those super powers of yours in check when out in public or when just spending some downtime on the weekend with your family.  

Sales Joke of the Day (August 22) Speeding

A police officer pulls a salesman over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer:   May I see your license?

Salesman:  I don't have one.  I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer:  May I see the Owner's Registration for this vehicle?

Salesman:  It's not my car I stole it.

Officer:  The car is stolen?

Salesman:  That's right.  But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer:  In the glove box?

Salesman:  Yes sir.  That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer:  There's a body in the trunk?

Salesman:   Yes , sir.

Hearing this the officer immediately called his captain.  The salesman's car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the salesman to handle the tense situation:

Captain:  Sir, can I see your driver's license?

Salesman:  Sure here it is.

Captain:  Who's car is this?

Salesman:  It's mine officer.  Here's my owner's registration card.

Captain:  Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there is a gun in there? 

Salesman:  Yes, sir.  But there is no glove in there.

Captain:  Would you now mind opening your trunk?  I was told you said there is a body in it.

Driver:  No problem.

The trunk is opened, and there is no body.  There was no gun and the driver owned the car.

Captain:  I don't understand it.  The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, you stole the car, you had a gun in your glove box, and that there was a dead body in your trunk.

Salesman:  Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding too!

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals fully understand how to undermine their competition by the clever use of exaggeration.  Leading someone on who actually supports your competitor within an account, can be very effective.  If done right you can undermine their credibility while simultaneously strengthening your position.  Can we say, "Winning?"

"Resume: a written exaggeration of only the good things a person has done in the past, as well as a wish list of the qualities a person would like to have."            -    Bo Bennett

Sales Joke of the Day (August 9) The Police Officer

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws.  At closing time, he saw a salesman stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.  Then, he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.  By that time, everyone else had left the bar and drove off.  Finally he started his engine and pulled away.

The police officer was waiting for that salesman.  He stopped the salesman, read him his rights and administered a breathalyzer test.  The results showed a reading of 0.0.  The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The salesman responded, "Tonight officer, I'm the Designated Decoy."

Moral of the Story.   True sales professionals understand that anticipation, being able to predict how others will act in response to their actions, is crucial to one's success at negotiations.  Making sure one uses this skill for only good purposes however, is another skill entirely.

"But if we learn to think of it as anticipation, as learning, as growing, if we think of the time we spend waiting for the big things of life as an opportunity instead of a passing of time, what wonderful horizons open out!"               -  Anna Neagle