Sales Joke of the Day (June 2) Speaking Engagement? Don't Forget Your Teeth

A salesperson was invited to speak at a dinner meeting of the local chamber of commerce.  Nervous and in such a hurry not to be late when he arrived at sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.


Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!"


The man said, "No problem."  With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.  "Try these," he said.  The salesperson tried them.  "Too loose," he said.


The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."


The salesperson tried them and responded, "Too tight."


The man was not taken back at all.  He then said, I have one more pair of false teeth - try them."


The salesperson said, "They fit perfectly."  With that he ate his meal and gave his speech.  He was a smash hit.  The evening couldn't have been scripted more perfectly.


After the dinner meeting was over, the saleperson went over to thank the man who had bailed him out form what could have been an embarrassing if not career shattering evening.


"I want to thank you for coming to my aid this evening.  Where is your office?  I've been looking for a good dentist," said the salesperson.


The man replied, "I'm not a dentist.  I'm the local undertaker."


Moral of the story.   If you're in sales and regulary use false teeth, a hair piece, girdle, athletic supporter or fake eye ball to enhance your professional image;  please remember to keep a spare with you at all times!   You just never know.


"I don't have false teeth.  Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?"   -  Carol Burnett 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 28) Flossing.

The salesman stood in front of the bathroom mirror, carefully flossing his teeth. "Ooh!" he would sigh every once in a while, or "Aaah!" as the little thread did its work. 


Suddenly and seemingly without provocation, his wife stomped into the bathroom and gave him a swift kick. 


Bewildered, the husband demanded, "What was that for?" 


I'm sorry, "his wife replied stiffly, ... "but I just don't believe in sighing flossers." 


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals understand the value of oral hygiene.  It's real tough closing the sale if your prospects back  away because of your bad breath, yellow teeth or decaying gum line.   So too avoid prospects giving you the brush off, brush at least twice a day, floss, and smile!   You're working hard to keep your teeth a sparkling white, so why not show them off when you have the opportunity!

"The biggest reason most people fail is that they try to fix too much at once - join a gym, get out of debt, floss after meals and have thinner thighs in 30 days."  

-  Marilu Henner

Sales Joke of the Day (February 14) Elderly Valentine's Day.

It was Valentine's Day.  The elderly salesman and his wife were lying in bed that night.  The salesman was beginning to fall asleep, but his wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.


She said:  "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."


Wearily, the salesman reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.


A few moments later she said:  "Then you used to kiss me."


Mildly irritated, the salesman reached across, gave his wife a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.


Thirty seconds later she said:  "Then you used to bite my neck."


Angrily, he threw back the blankets and got of out bed.


"Where are you going?" asked his wife.


"To get my teeth!"


True sales professionals know that in order to be successful at sales, sometimes it takes patience.   Certain prospects will make you jump through hoops.  They just love to live through some of the old times over and over and over again before they place their order.   The best thing you can do, is to just have patience, grin and bare it.   And if you still have them, show some teeth.


"A kiss makes the heart young and wipes out the years."    -  Rupert Brooke

Sales Joke of the Day (November 10) Bedtime.

An elderly salesman and his wife were lying in bed one night, preparing to fall asleep for the evening.  The salesman was starting to drift into slumber but his wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.


She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."


Wearily the salesman reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep."


A few minutes later she said:  "Then you used to kiss me."


Mildly irritated, the salesman reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and and settled down to sleep.


Thirty seconds later she said:  "Then you used to bite my neck."


Angrily, the salesman threw back the bed sheets and got out of bed.


"Where are you going?" his wife asked.


"To get my teeth!"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales you need to be alert and at your best each and every business day.   That means you need to get a good night's sleep BEFORE you can sink you teeth in to a full day at the office.


"One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything every night before you go to bed."  -  Bernard Baruch