Two used car salesmen, Ted and Mike were out walking in the woods
when Ted turned to Mike and said: "I really need to take a dump."
"There's a tree," said Mike. "Why don't you just go behind that?"
Ted looked at the tree and said: "But I don't have any toilet paper."
"You've got a dollar haven't you?" asked Mike. "You can wipe yourself with that."
Reluctantly Ted took his advice, disappeared behind the tree and did
his business. Minutes later he came back with stuff all over his
hands.
"What happened?" asked Mike. "Were you too cheap to use a dollar?"
"No, I wasn't too cheap to use a dollar!" said Ted. "But have you
ever tried to wipe with three quarters, two dimes and a nickel!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that it's a good
idea to always have hand sanitizer nearby. After all, in sales, when
aren't we shaking someone's hand or counting out change.
"If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?' - Stephen Wright
After visiting a friend in the hospital, the salesman decided to stop
by a fast-food drive-through for lunch. He ordered the #1 combo
(hamburger, fries, and a coke) for $4.29... no biggie size.
When confirming my order, the clerk said, "Your total is $4.83, please drive forward."
"$4.83?" the salesman thought, "for a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right."
The salesman's mind quickly began to calculate... tax is 8 cents on
the dollar, and with $4.29 that would be 35 cents max. The salesman had
heard about workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming
the money for themselves, so he was beginning to get suspicious.
The salesman then got a pen and paper and did the long division
(since there were 2 cars ahead of him). 483 divided by 429... He had
been charged over 12 percent tax! When he got to the window he handed
the clerk a 5 and asked, "Do you know what the sales tax is here?"
The clerk didn't know. The salesman said, "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is
12 percent tax. That can't be right--can I talk to the manager?" The
clerk gave the salesman his change and called the manager.
When the manager came over, the salesman asked, "What is the sales tax?"
The manager replied, "It was 8 percent."
"I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal--that's over 12 percent sales tax" the salesman exclaimed.
The manager got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the
computer had rung it up wrong or had charged the salesman for the biggie
size (even though the biggie upgrade was 35 cents--which would put the
total over $5).
The manager quickly checked the figures, and when coming to the same
conclusion as the salesman, she opened the drawer and gave him his
additional change.
"Good job!" the salesman thought to himself. "All my wonderful
education has heightened my mental mathematical adeptness so that I can
do percentages in my head, and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble
attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me."
The salesman took the twenty cents the manager handed him and, proud
of his staggering genius, smugly drove off... without his food.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to be exacting at mathematics, but to
be successful at any single transaction you must never let an obsession
with numbers cloud your judgment or diminish your ability to execute.
"Obvious is the most dangerous word in mathematics." - E.T. Bell
A salesman in a bank line kept shaking his head in sorrow.
"Are you alright?" asked the woman standing behind him in line.
"Yeah," I've just had my dreams dashed, that's all. You see, I
thought I was made for life when my dad died and I inherited the family
business. But apparently the plant where cassette and video tapes are
manufactured isn't worth that much these days."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, they need to keep up with change. They know that
adaptability is key to thriving in times of changes. Trying to avoid
change by sticking with old technologies, well past their prime, will
end up burying your career. To stay on top you must get educated on
the new ways of doing things and get connected to others on the new fast
track to success.
"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."
- Alan Watts
The salesman was having trouble sleeping. It had been going on for
two weeks. He was feeling tired all the time and his lack of focus was
beginning to affect his work. He sold appliances in a local department
store. It got so bad, in fact, that at risk of losing his job, he
decided to go see a psychiatrist to help him with his problem.
After the salesman described his chronic inability to sleep, the
psychiatrist asked, "Is there anything bothering you? Usually anxiety
or unresolved issues in one's life can cause you to lose sleep."
The salesman replied, "Well Doc, every time I see pennies, nickels,
dimes and quarters I nearly have a panic attack! What's my problem
Doc?"
"Oh, that's an easy one," the psychiatrist replied. "You're just afraid of change."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to be adaptable to change at all
times. Success favors those who can react to changes in the
marketplace faster than their competition. If you get stuck in your
ways using outmoded methods, and outdated technology, you'll soon be out
of business.
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often." - Winston Churchill
