Sales Joke of the Day (May 10) C Level Secrets of Success or "May I have the envelope please!"

A Vice President of Sales had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation.


The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.


Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope.


The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO.


Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.


About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.


After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.


The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they must always be quick and efficient with all of their correspondence.  Incoming mail should be opened as soon as possible, prioritized and acted upon.  Don't let any of your correspondence or your career end up in a dead letter file. 


"The idea that I could push the envelope using dedication and research and endless curiosity has propelled me in my life's work."    -  Randy Schekman

Sales Joke of the Day (May 9) "Hunting" for a promotion?

A guy goes hunting and wants to hire a dog to retrieve the catch.


"I have just the dog for you, sir." says the gamekeeper. "He's called Salesman and he is brilliant" Off they go and every time the hunter shoots a bird, the dog runs off and brings the bird back just as he was hired to do; a great success.


The following year, the same guy goes back and asks for Salesman since he was so good the previous year.


"Ah, I'm sorry, sir, but that dog won't work anymore. Someone had the bright idea of calling him Sales Manager and now he just sits on his arse and barks all day".


Moral of the story:    Actions speak louder than words!   If given the opportunity to be sales manager, make sure you lead by example.  The mere title of manager means you still have to hunt for business, you can't just sit there and point.  Real coaching, real mentoring and real team development requires work.   Work that can't be done from sitting on your office chair just peering through the reeds of of a spreadsheet.

"Problem solving is hunting.  It is savage pleasure and we are born to do it."

-Thomas Harris

Sales Joke of the Day (May 3) Opportunity.

A sales manager and an IT manager went bear hunting. While the IT manager stayed in the cabin, the sales manager went out looking for a bear.


He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward the sales manager, who started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.


Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear jumped over him and went rolling into the cabin.


The sales manager jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales one needs to be fast and act decisively.  From time time you may stumble, but if you keep your wits about you doors of opportunity will appear.   Knowing which doors to open, which doors to close, and when, will be crucial to your success.

"Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door."  

-  Kyle Chandler

Sales Joke of the Day (April 23) The Luxury Car.

Three salesmen died and went to heaven.  Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first salesman if he had been faithful to his wife.  The salesman admitted to two affairs during his marriage.  St. Peter told him he would receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.


Then St. Peter asked the second salesman if he had been faithful to his wife and the salesman admitted to one affair.  St. Peter told him he would be given a midsized car to drive.


The third salesman was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died.  St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car.


A week later, the three salesmen were driving around heaven, and they all stopped at a red light.  The salesmen in the compact and midsized cars turned to see that the salesman in luxury car was crying.  They asked him what could possibly be the matter.  After all, he was driving a luxury car.


"I just passed my wife," exclaimed the salesman, "and she was driving just a skateboard."


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that while others may judge your success in life by the type of car you drive; just because you have a luxury automobile, it doesn't mean you're happy.   Knowing the difference between must haves and nice to haves, is the real secret in setting your priorities in life.  Don't ever let shiny new material things dictate who you are or limit the person you could become.


"The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury."   -  Charlie Chaplin

 

Sales Joke of the Day (April 22) The Family Business?

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”


The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”


“I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”


“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.” 


"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”


“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, or anything else at life, you are going to have to work for it.  Unless of course, you're able to marry into money.  By the way, if you were able to talk your way into a marriage for money, you've just sold yourself!   When it comes to sales, you're a natural!


"I grew up in a family business.... that really has provided me the core of my belief in American small business, and in America's ability to grow and operate important businesses that can compete and be successful."    -  Karen Mills

 

Sales Joke of the Day (January 11) The Bank Line.

A salesman in a bank line kept shaking his head in sorrow.


"Are you alright?" asked the woman standing behind him in line.


"Yeah," I've just had my dreams dashed, that's all.  You see, I thought I was made for life when my dad died and I inherited the family business.  But apparently the plant where cassette and video tapes are manufactured isn't worth that much these days."


Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, they need to keep up with change.   They know that adaptability is key to thriving in times of changes.   Trying to avoid change by sticking with old technologies, well past their prime, will end up burying your career.    To stay on top you must get educated on the new ways of doing things and get connected to others on the new fast track to success.


"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."
                                                                                                                   -   Alan Watts