Sales Joke of the Day (May 14) Communication.

A salesman was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.  He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.


The salesman's wife thought about this for awhile.  She then told the salesman that women use twice as many words as men because each time they talk to men they have to repeat everything they say.


The salesman looked stunned and automatically replied, "What?"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that communication is key to their success.  For more precise communication a good vocabulary is essential.  For informed communication reading and an extensive knowledge of current events can't be beat.  For efficient and effective communication great listening skills are absolutely essential.   Say what?

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."      

-  George Bernard Shaw

Sales Joke of the Day (April 10) The Cat.

A salesman returns from a long road trip to Europe, having left his beloved cat in his brother's care.  The minute he lands in the States and clears customs, he calls his brother and inquires about his pet.


"The cat's dead," replies his brother bluntly.


The salesman is devastated.  "You know how much that cat meant to me," he sobs into the phone,  "Couldn't you at least have given a little thought into a nicer way of breaking that news to me?  For instance you could have said, 'Well you know, the cat got out of the house one day and climbed up on the roof, and the fire department couldn't get her down, and finally she died of exposure, or starvation or something?'  Why are you always so thoughtless?"


"Look I'm really, really, sorry," says his brother.  "I'll try to do better next time, I swear."


"Okay, let's just put this ugly incident behind us," said the high strung salesman.  "How are you anyway?  How's Mom?"


There was a brief pause, "Uh,"  the brother finally stammers,  "uh,....   Mom got out of the house one day and climbed up on the roof...."


Moral of the story.   A sales professional who travels a lot and lives alone, should know better than to get a pet.  It's not fair to the pet or the your relatives you coerce into looking after it while you are away.  Second, with the advent of the internet,  road warriors can now stay in touch with their family via email, Google phone, Hangout sessions or other forms of video chat.  With so many different ways of staying in touch, you now have no excuse not to.  When it comes to communication with family members, make sure the cat doesn't got  your tongue.


"Everything comes to those who wait.....  except a cat."    -  Mario Andretti 

Sales Joke of the Day (March 18) The Divorce.

The salesman went to an attorney to ask about a divorce. 


"What grounds do you have sir?" asked the attorney.


"About six acres," replied the salesman.


"No, I don't think you quite understand.  Let me rephrase the question.  Do you have a grudge?" asked the attorney.


"No, just a parking space."


"I'll try again.  Does your wife beat you up?" asked the attorney.


"No, I always wake up before she does."


The attorney soon realized he was fighting a losing battle.  "Sir, are you sure you want a divorce?"


"I'm not the one who wants a divorce," replied the salesman.  "My wife does.  She claims we don't communicate!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, they have to be great communicators.   They understand that they not only have to be able to ask great questions, they also have to be able to listen and fully respond to questions from others in order to have an engaging conversation; or avoid having a conversation about divorce.


"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say."   
                                                       -  Bryant H. McGill

Sales Joke of the Day (October 4) The Prescription.

"Doc you gotta help me!" exclaimed the salesman.  "My wife just isn't interested in 'relations' anymore.  Have you got a pill or something that I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe...."

The salesman promptly cuts his doctor off after he hears the word can't and says, "Doc, we've been friends for years.  Have you ever seen me this upset?  I am desperate!  I can't think, I can't concentrate; my life is falling apart!  You've got to help me!"

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills.  "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this.  These are experimental pills.  The tests so far indicate that they are very powerful.  Don't give your wife more than ONE, understand?  JUST one."

"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold...."

"One.  No more.  I'd suggest you slip it into her coffee.  Okay?"

"Okay, doc.  Thanks!"  replies the salesman.

After he expressed his deep gratitude to his doctor, the salesman departed for home, where his wife had dinner waiting.  When dinner was finished, the salesman's wife headed to the kitchen to fetch dessert.  In fumbling haste, the salesman pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee.  He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill.   And then he begins to worry.  The doctor did say they were powerful.  Then an inspiration strikes:  he drops one pill into his own coffee to balance things out.

When his wife returned with the shortcake, the couple enjoy the dessert with their coffee.  The salesman can hardly contain his anticipation as he carefully observes his wife for any physical changes.   Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish their coffee, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily and a strange smoky look enters her eyes.  In a deep, throaty, near whisper, and a tone of voice the salesman has never heard her use before, she says, "I ....  need.... a man!"

The salesman's eyes glitter, his hands tremble as he replies,  "Me.... too."


Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they need to be in constant contact with their customers and prospects.   However, this communication must be done in moderation.  Too much of anything, like any overdose, can be a bad thing, and can have serious unintended consequences on your revenue numbers.  Remember, we all know there is no prescription available to make your customers buy from you.   So you always need to closely observe how they physically react to what you have to say.  If you observe any negative reactions, adjust your message accordingly, and your chances of success will increase.  

"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself."     -    Mark Twain