An American salesman was playing golf in India on a remote country
course. The local villagers had not seen many Americans before, so his
presence soon attracted a sizeable crowd who watched his progress
enthusiastically.
The salesman seemed to respond to the attention, making a succession
of low scores, which his new-found fan club applauded warmly.
On the eleventh hole, he surpassed himself by holing a thirty-foot
putt for a birdie. As the ball went in, the crowd shouted: ""Tiger
Woods! Tiger Woods!"
The salesman thought such adulation was a little over-the-top but
when he turned to acknowledge his fans, they had all vanished. That's
when he saw the tiger coming straight at him out of the woods.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know better than to
let success go to their head. They realize that if they take too much
time to celebrate their victories they will lose focus and take their
eyes of their game. When that happens another apex predator will be
eating their lunch or having them for lunch.
"Winning is not always the barometer of getting better." - Tiger Woods
"How was your game, dear?" asked the retired salesman's wife.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went," the retired salesman answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested the salesman.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day the retired salesman teed off with Scott looking on. The
retired salesman swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the
fairway. "Do you see it?" asked the salesman.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled the salesman, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot," his brother-in-law Scott replied.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that tomorrow
never comes. That golf game, that trip with your wife, that addition
to your house that you keep putting off until someday. Well, age
catches up with all of us. If you keep saving up for a rainy day, or
putting off fun stuff until you retire, you will have wasted all that
fun you could have had by living for today. So, weather permitting,
take some time off to tee off with that group of friends you haven't
seen in awhile. Get started on that project you haven't had a chance to
touch yet. Because when you get older, you may not have the ability
to do some of the stuff you can today.
"The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride and nothing is guaranteed." - Eminem
It was a perfect Sunday spring morning so a salesman, who is an
avid golfer, and his wife, decide to get an early start to the season by
heading out to a local golf course. Since it was his first game of the
season, the salesman's game was a little rusty. He played a shot on
the fifth hole that sliced so badly, it ended up in the gardener's
equipment shed. Looking in the door, the couple saw his ball sitting
right in the middle of the shed.
"Look," said the salesman's wife, "If I hold the door open, you can play the shot in from here to the green."
This struck the salesman as an interesting challenge, but, alas, the
ball missed the open door and struck his wife on the temple, killing her
instantly.
The next day, the now widowed salesman, was playing with a group of 3
co-workers when he hit the exact same slice. The group walked over the
shed and sure enough, there sat the ball in the center of the room.
"I tell you what," said one of his co-workers, "If I hold the door open, I bet you can get the ball back onto the green."
"Oh no," said the salesman shaking his head. "I tried that once before and it took me seven shots to get out!"
Moral of the story. Professional sales people are persistent, they
don't let personal emotions get in the way of accomplishing their goals
and they have an innate ability to learn from their mistakes while never
repeating them. Both golfers and sales pros have one goal in common. They both want to make the green.
"It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it." - Bobby Jones
It was a fine spring Saturday morning and a priest and a salesman
were playing a round of golf. After playing several holes, the
salesman's game starts to take a turn for the worse. "Darn! I missed!"
he swears, as his ball lands in a sand trap.
The priest is understandably shocked and admonishes the salesman. "Do not swear my son. You will incur God's wrath!"
The next time the salesman fails at an easy chip-in putt for par, however, he swears again. "Darn! I missed."
The priest gets very angry and scolds the salesman severly. "My son, you place yourself in great jeopardy by your words!"
But alas, as the salesman's second shot on the par three 13th hole
fails to make the green, he yells loudly, "Darn! I can't believe I
missed again!"
Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes from the clear sky and reduces the
priest to a pile of smouldering ash, and a booming voice from heaven
shouts, "Darn! I missed."
Moral of the story. As sales professionals we must always keep
control. Swearing, cursing and the use of expletives can hurt
yourself, hurt others and can be very lethal to the maintenance of long
term business relationships. When it comes to swearing, let someone
else take the hit to their character, reputation and/or career. When it
comes to your vocabulary; keep yours in the green and not in the rough.
"If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." - Lee Trevino
A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in
the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift. "No
thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I
didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch the
sale, offers to take the manager out for drinks. "No thanks," says the
plant manager. "I tried alcohol once and I didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf
course. "I'm hoping you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to
invite you to be a guest at my club."
"No thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried golf once and I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess, Bill" the salesman interjects. "Are you by any chance an only child?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that when it comes
to closing, you have to try several different approaches before giving
up. If you ask for the sale just once, get a no and move on; you'll
never be successful. Be persistent. Try it once and you just might
like it.
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to
succeed is always to try just one more time." - Thomas A. Edison
After a long evening drinking in the golf club bar, a salesman
set off for home, but half a mile down the road his car was pulled over
by a police officer.
The officer did not need a breathalyzer to see what the problem was. "You're too drunk to drive," he said.
"Too drunk too drive?" repeated the salesman. "I'm too drunk to putt!"
After his car was impounded, his mugshot and fingerprints taken, a
court date set and bail posted, the salesman took a cab home. When the
salesman got home, his wife was fit to be tied.
After two hours of non-stop nagging, the salesman couldn't take it
any longer. He turned to his wife and yelled, "Be quiet! Or you will
drive me out of my mind!"
"That wouldn't be a drive," she argued. "That would be a putt!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know better than to
drink and drive. For if they do, they know it could cost them some
"green." But, in addition to the monetary costs there's the additional
trouble and "rough" time one's entire family would be "putt" through.
And that just wouldn't be a "fair way" to deal with things now "wood"
it? Don't get "trapped" by the drink, be a "tee"totaller, "fore" your
kid's sake.
"Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I am able to
tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something." - Ray Romano
The salesman was sitting at the clubhouse bar, thinking about his
latest extra-marital affair. Absent-mindedly, he began thinking aloud:
"Not worth it, never as good as you hoped. Expensive, it messes with
your mind and it's not fair on the wife."
Overhearing this, a friend sitting nearby leaned over and said: "Come on, man, you knew what to expect when you took up golf."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to plan for the future and work in the
present. Lamenting about the past changes nothing. Don't waste your
today worrying about your past times.
"The sportsman knows that a sport is a recreation, a game, an
amusement, and a pastime, but his eyes are fixed on a higher goal, on
the most important thing in his life, which is his education or his
vocation." - Avery Brundage
A new guy in town, visited the golf club and was paired up with
the salesman, one of the members. Playing left-handed, the new guy shot
a round of two under par. The salesman thought this was a remarkable
score for a strange course and immediately saw the potential for making
bets. So he asked the new guy whether he was available to play at ten
o'clock the following morning.
"Sure," replied the new guy, "but I may be two minutes late."
The next day the new guy turned up at ten o'clock sharp, and this
time playing right-handed, he helped the salesman to victory over
another pair and the two-hundred dollars which was riding on the
result. The salesman was amazed at the new guy's ambidextrous play and
asked him whether he was available for another match, at eleven the
following morning.
"Certainly," responded the new guy, "but I may be two minutes late."
The next day the new guy arrived at eleven o'clock sharp and,
reverting to playing left-handed, helped the salesman to another win and
another two-hundred dollars. As they celebrated in the bar afterwards,
the salesman asked, "I notice you are equally good playing left- and
right- handed. How do you decide which to play?"
"It's simple," replied the new guy. "If my wife is sleeping on her
left side when I wake up in the morning, I play left--handed. If she's
sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed."
"What if she is sleeping on her back?" asked the salesman.
"Well," said the new guy. "That's when I'm two minutes late.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be punctual. Failure to show up on
time will leave a bad impression on customers and prospects and could
cost you business. If there is a chance you may be delayed for some
reason or another, budget the time for the contingency and leave that
many minutes sooner. No one will ever mind if you arrive at your
destination a few minutes early.
"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays at golf - it's almost a law." - H. G. Wells
The salesman had a real zest for life, but he was beset by bad
luck. He loved poker, but poker did not love him. He played the stock
market, but always sold at the wrong time. He invested heavily in
property, just before the market crashed. His first three wives all
left him for close friends of his.
The one constant in his life was golf. He wasn't much of a player.
Only occasionally did the salesman break 100. But come rain or shine he
was out there every weekend. Then one day, he became very ill and
died. In accordance with his wishes, he was cremated and his ashes were
to be scattered just off the fairway on the fifteenth hole of his local
course.
A small gathering of friends turned up at the fifteenth to witness
the ceremony. It was a beautiful, sunny day but then just as the ashes
were being strewn, a sudden gust of wind sprang up and blew the
salesman's ashes out of bounds.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to stay focused at all times. You need
to have plans and goals that you can work towards and achieve. If you
just sit back and let the wind take you where ever it pleases, you'll
never end up in the green.
"Placing the ball in the best position for the next shot is eighty per cent of winning golf."
- Ben Hogan
