Sales Joke of the Day (April 16) The Declining Years.

"How was your game, dear?" asked the retired salesman's wife. 


"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," the retired salesman  answered. 


"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" 


"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested the salesman. 


"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
 
The next day the retired salesman teed off with Scott looking on. The retired salesman swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked the salesman. 


"Yup," Scott answered. 


"Well, where is it?" yelled the salesman, peering off into the distance. 


"I forgot," his brother-in-law Scott replied.


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that tomorrow never comes.   That golf game, that trip with your wife, that addition to your house that you keep putting off until someday.   Well, age catches up with all of us.  If you keep saving up for a rainy day, or putting off fun stuff until you retire, you will have wasted all that fun you could have had by living for today.   So, weather permitting, take some time off to tee off with that group of friends you haven't seen in awhile.  Get started on that project you haven't had a chance to touch yet.   Because when you get older, you may not have the ability to do some of the stuff you can today. 


"The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow.  Life is a crazy ride and nothing is guaranteed."      -  Eminem

Sales Joke of the Day (January 1) (archives) New Year's Day.

Feeling nostalgic on New Year's day, the seventy-five year old salesman and his wife drove to the nursery school where they first met.  Outside, they stood before the old oak tree where he had carved "JS loves MB" inside a heart; they peered into the windows at the corner where he'd stolen his first playful kiss from his future bride.

As they drove home, the salesman and his wife, found themselves behind an armored car, and when the Brinks truck hit a pothole, a fat canvas bag dropped out, so the couple stopped to retrieve it.

"My goodness," said the salesman's wife, looking inside the canvas bag, "there must be half a million dollars in here!"

Scrupulously honest, the salesman said, "Dear.  We must give it back."

"No way!" she snapped.  And they drove home.

The next day two insurance agents came to their door.  "We're talking to all the people in the neighborhood," said one, "to see if anyone found a bag with money in it."

"We sure didn't find one," replied the salesman's wife, quickly.

"Yes we did," replied the guilt-stricken salesman.

The salesman's wife fired him a withering glance, then said to the agents.  "You'll have to forgive my husband.  He's senile."

"No, I'm not!" insisted the salesman, holding the agents with his steady gaze.   "My wife and I were driving home from nursery school and --"

"Come on," said the first agent to his associate, "maybe we'll have better luck at the next house."

Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that in order to be successful at sales you need to make sure that you save plenty of money during your income generating years for your retirement.   Not everyone has the time and patience to follow Brinks trucks around everywhere.   Further, if others think you are senile and you're not, don't worry!   If you play along, you just might be able to supplement your retirement income with a new career in shoplifting, home break-ins, auto-theft or any other type of crime where senility is accepted as an alibi.   Remember, in tough situations, always play to your strengths and the reputation others have of you, and you can never lose.  Now go out and make 2015 your best year ever!

"Young men have a passion for regarding their elders as senile."    -   Henry Adams

"When you become senile, you won't know it."       -   Bill Cosby 

Sales Joke of the Day (archives) The Golden Years?

Two retired sales reps are sitting on a park bench, feeding the pigeons and talking about old times.  Uber-competitive throughout their careers, they never lose an opportunity to "one-up" one another.   Today is no different.

"My arthritis is acting up again this morning," says the first sales rep.  "I must be getting old. But I'm only 75!"

"You think you've gotten old?" asserts the second rep.  "Wait till you turn 76 like me!  I've had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, and I've had three new knees.  I've beat prostate cancer while fighting type-2 diabetes.  I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.  I have bought of dementia, poor circulation and I can hardly feel my hands or feet anymore.  I feel like I have to go to the bathroom, even when I'm going to the bathroom!  I can't remember if I'm 76 or 86.  I've lost most of my friends."         "But,   thank the Lord I still have my Florida driver's license!"

Moral of the story.   If you're in Florida on business, forget the rental car!  Take a taxi and let the taxi company take the risk of driving on those roads!    While the cab driver does the driving, you can just sit back and enjoy the view or get some work done.   If a senior citizen drives right into your vehicle, it's the cab company's problem.  It's their insurance that takes the hit.  Bottom line.  When you're traveling on business, travel as light as possible and don't take any unnecessary risks!

"All diseases run into one, old age."    -   Ralph Waldo Emerson