Sales Joke of the Day (May 1) Sales Absolution?

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope.


It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence.


So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her papal neighbour, "Father, surely you can do something about this."


To which the Pope replied, "Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management."



Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they must always be in control of their comings and goings.    That is why they always book aisle seats when flying.   Sure, on long flights you might have to get up a couple of times to let the person with the window seat use the washroom.   But you're in control.   You can get up and walk away whenever you like.  You'll never be held hostage in your seat, being forced to answer  ridiculous questions from an old lady.  

"All travel has its advantages.  If the passenger visits better countries, he may learn to improve his own.  And if fortune carries him to worse, he may learn to enjoy it."   

-  Samuel Johnson

Sales Joke of the Day (March 24) The Missed Shot.

It was a fine spring Saturday morning and a priest and a salesman were playing a round of golf.  After playing several holes, the salesman's game starts to take a turn for the worse.  "Darn!  I missed!" he swears, as his ball lands in a sand trap.


The priest is understandably shocked and admonishes the salesman.  "Do not swear my son.  You will incur God's wrath!"


The next time the salesman fails at an easy chip-in putt for par, however, he swears again.  "Darn!  I missed."


The priest gets very angry and scolds the salesman severly.  "My son, you place yourself in great jeopardy by your words!" 


But alas, as the salesman's second shot on the par three 13th hole fails to make the green, he yells loudly, "Darn!  I can't believe I missed again!"


Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes from the clear sky and reduces the priest to a pile of smouldering ash, and a booming voice from heaven shouts, "Darn!  I missed."


Moral of the story.    As sales professionals we must always keep control.   Swearing, cursing and the use of expletives can hurt yourself, hurt others and can be very lethal to the maintenance of long term business relationships.  When it comes to swearing, let someone else take the hit to their character, reputation and/or career.  When it comes to your vocabulary; keep yours in the green and not in the rough.



"If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron."     -  Lee Trevino 

Sales Joke of the Day (March 15) The Slap.

A drunken salesman, after visiting several drinking establishments, walks into another tavern, sees a woman sitting at the bar and goes up and kisses her.


She slaps him, "I'm sorry," says the drunken salesman, "but you look just like my wife."


"You are drunk, disgusted, perverted and despicable" yells the woman.


The salesman replies, "Funny, you sound like her too!" 


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales you need to have your life in order.  You need to be in control.  Control comes from asking questions first, and fully understanding the situation BEFORE taking action.   Reverse the order and get ready to be slapped back into reality, really quick and really hard.


"Sometimes those fears creep into the back of your head, but then you slap yourself and think, 'Oh, woe is me!  People actually like me.'  What a silly thing to worry about.  This is a huge opportunity, and I'm excited."       -  Ben McKenzie