Sales Joke of the Day (September 19) Won $100,000 in Las Vegas!

A sales force from Chicago spent a weekend together gambling in Las Vegas. One of the salesmen on that trip won $100,000 on a slot machine he was playing all by himself in the middle of the night. He didn't want any of his colleagues to know about his huge windfall, so he decided not to return with the others.  Instead, the salesman took a later flight, the next day, arriving back home at 3 a.m.  This was several hours after his co-workers landed.  Preferring secrecy over sleep, the salesman immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted his money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. The salesman noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute.

On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged salesman went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.   "You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor.

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."

The professor turned to the salesman with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."

Moral of the Story:   Don't believe the hype!   Whatever ever happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas!   Play safe people!    But mostly if you win big.....   use a bank!   And if you should ever find yourself in a heated situation, never believe the professor!

"“People break down into two groups. When they experience something lucky, group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure luck. Just a happy turn of chance. I'm sure the people in group number two are looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the situation is a fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear. Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in group number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle. And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone there to help them. And that fills them with hope. See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?”             -  M. Night Shyamalan

Sales Joke of the Day (April 26) The Deep Voice.

A salesman is walking along a lonely beach first thing in the morning; clearing his head for the chaotic workday about to begin in just a few hours.  Suddenly he hears a deep voice that says "Dig!"


The salesman looks around but nobody is there.  I am having hallucinations, he thinks to himself.  Then he hears the deep voice again,  "I said, dig!"


So the salesman starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after digging for some time, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.


The deep voice says, "Open!"


Okay, the salesman thinks, let's open this thing.  He finds a rock to break the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.


The deep voice says, "Las Vegas!"


So the salesman cashes his gold coins in at a local bank for just over $250,000.  Buys a plane ticket and heads for Vegas.  When the plane lands the deep voice says "Encore, get a room on the 27th floor."


So the salesman gets a room at the Encore, and as soon as he is checked in and drops his bags in his luxurious suite on the twenty-seventh floor; the deep voice says, "To the casino!"


So the salesman grabs his cash, dashes for the elevator and descends to the main floor casino.  Just as the elevator reaches the main floor, the deep voice says, "Roulette!"


The salesman scans the vast casino floor and spots both the teller window, where he swaps his $250,000 cash for a gigantic pile of roulette chips, and a nearby roulette table.  As he approaches the other players gaze at his pile of roulette chips in disbelief.


The deep voice says, "Twenty-seven!"


The salesman takes his whole pile of chips and drops it on the twenty-seven.  Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.   Clink, clink, clink, clink, the ball hits and sticks on thirteen.


The deep voice says, "Craps!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know at times to trust their intuition, their gut, the "deep voice" within.  But they also know that one's "inner deep voice" needs to controlled by logic for optimal results.   True sales professionals know that if they let their emotions get out of control, it can have a disastrous financial impact on their career and future.  True sales professionals also know that one needs to put hard limits on the amount of resources one will put into any one deal.  Since  your time and your resources are limited and you need to make quota each and every year; true sales professionals know that they can only afford to take calculated rather than careless risks.   


So go ahead, listen to your own "deep voice."   But do so within reason.

"Change your life today.  Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay."  

-  Simone de Beauvoir

Sales Joke of the Day (April 17) The Supermarket.

A salesman goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.  He walks over to her and she greets him warmly.  He's rather taken aback because he can't figure out where he knows her from.  So he says, "Do I know you?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

The salesman's mind races back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "Are you the stripper from that bachelor party in Vegas where we wrestled in chocolate pudding and got a bit carried away while your partner whipped my buttocks with wet celery?"

The woman looks into the salesman's eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's fifth grade teacher."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know it's best never to assume.  If in doubt about anything, simply ask direct questions to ferret out the unknown.  Asking questions can save you time, can save you money and can even save your reputation.  Further, true sales professionals always show great taste in their selection of food; whether in private or in public.  For future reference, please note that serving chocolate pudding with wet celery is declasse.  A nice assortment of sugar cookies or wafers would be much more appropriate.

"Never assume that the obvious is true."       - William Safire