Sales Joke of the Day (April 17) The Supermarket.

A salesman goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.  He walks over to her and she greets him warmly.  He's rather taken aback because he can't figure out where he knows her from.  So he says, "Do I know you?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

The salesman's mind races back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "Are you the stripper from that bachelor party in Vegas where we wrestled in chocolate pudding and got a bit carried away while your partner whipped my buttocks with wet celery?"

The woman looks into the salesman's eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's fifth grade teacher."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know it's best never to assume.  If in doubt about anything, simply ask direct questions to ferret out the unknown.  Asking questions can save you time, can save you money and can even save your reputation.  Further, true sales professionals always show great taste in their selection of food; whether in private or in public.  For future reference, please note that serving chocolate pudding with wet celery is declasse.  A nice assortment of sugar cookies or wafers would be much more appropriate.

"Never assume that the obvious is true."       - William Safire

Sales Joke of the Day (March 28) The Offer.

The salesman was joined at the bar by a voluptuous woman who soon made her talents and charms abundantly clear.  "I'll make your dreams come true," she whispered, "for a hundred and fifty dollars."


"That's a lot of money," the salesman pointed out, admiring the cleavage set forth right under his nose.


"I'm worth it," she assured him breathlessly.  "For a hundred and fifty dollars, I'll act out your wildest, hottest fantasy.  In fact, I can make any three words come true.  Just dream them up, baby."


"Any three words?  For a hundred and fifty dollars?"  The salesman's voice grew husky as the woman's hand crept further and further up his inner thigh.  She slowly nodded yes while reaching her other hand up to caress the back of his neck while the salesman considered her offer.


Finally the salesman leaned back with a big smile and announced, "Okay you've got a deal!"   And with that he leaned over and whispered into the woman's ear, breathlessly,  "Paint my house."


Moral of the story.   No matter how tense the situation or how stiff, the competition, true sales professionals rise to the occasion with qualifying, control and closing questions.   True sales professionals would never use an open-ended question when trying to close a deal.   Would you?


"Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."                                              -  Theodore Roosevelt

Sales Joke of the Day (November 2) Shy.

A very shy salesman goes into a pub and sees a very beautiful woman sitting at the bar.  After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if we chatted for awhile?"


She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, "No I won't sleep with you tonight!"  Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.  Naturally, the salesman is hopelessly and completely embarrassed, and he slinks back to his table.


After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.  She smiles at the salesman and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.  You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."


"Oh, I understand, you were just doing a study,"  replied the salesman.   "Just hold on a sec, I think I can help you with your research.  Just a sec."    The salesman turns to the bar crowd and yells at the top of his voice,   "What do you mean $200 an hour?"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they need to be confident with what they say, how they deal with customers and how they ask their questions.  If you lack confidence, you will not be treated with respect, and your questions won't be taken seriously.


"With confidence, you have won before you have started."          -      Marcus Garvey