Sales Joke of the Day (May 4) The New Supermarket.

A salesman was telling his neighbor about the new supermarket that had opened recently on the outskirts of town.

"It's very state of the art and designed to make shopping a natural and relaxing experience.  It has an automatic water mister to keep all the fruit fresh.  Just before it switches on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the aroma of fresh rain.  As you approach the milk aisle, you hear cows mooing and there's the scent of fresh hay.  As you approach the eggs, you hear hens clucking and the air is filled with the delicious smell of bacon and eggs frying.  And the vegetable department features the aroma of buttered corn."

"It sounds wonderful," enthused the neighbor.

"Yes," replied the salesman, "but I don't buy toilet paper there anymore."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that when you are trying to sell someone on something, you never close on a negative.   Most prospects will only remember your last point.  That is why you should always leave your strongest, most positive point, until last.

"Forget about being world famous, it's hard enough just getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence."      -  Doug Coupland

Sales Joke of the Day (April 17) The Supermarket.

A salesman goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.  He walks over to her and she greets him warmly.  He's rather taken aback because he can't figure out where he knows her from.  So he says, "Do I know you?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

The salesman's mind races back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "Are you the stripper from that bachelor party in Vegas where we wrestled in chocolate pudding and got a bit carried away while your partner whipped my buttocks with wet celery?"

The woman looks into the salesman's eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's fifth grade teacher."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know it's best never to assume.  If in doubt about anything, simply ask direct questions to ferret out the unknown.  Asking questions can save you time, can save you money and can even save your reputation.  Further, true sales professionals always show great taste in their selection of food; whether in private or in public.  For future reference, please note that serving chocolate pudding with wet celery is declasse.  A nice assortment of sugar cookies or wafers would be much more appropriate.

"Never assume that the obvious is true."       - William Safire