Sales Joke of the Day (May 12) The Cat.

The salesman without hesitation had named his tomcat "Quota" because he was so hard to catch up to and impossible to completely control.  "Quota" had a will of his own.  It was springtime and "Quota" insisted on going out every night to prowl around the neighborhood and chase after female cats in heat.  And night after night, "Quota" would return battered, ears torn and his fur shredded.  Finally the salesman had had enough, and took "Quota" into the vet to be neutered.

"Quota" laid low for a week or two, so the salesman was delighted when one night the "Quota" got all dressed up in a black tie and tails, just as in the old days, and headed out the door.  The salesman was even more surprised when "Quota" was home by midnight without a spot or scratch on him.  Crowding around the cat and stroking him, the salesman asked, "How's it going Quota, you don't seem to be getting beat up any more?"

"That's for sure," responded the cat.  "But you're going to have to change my name from Quota.   You can start calling me Bus Dev because I'm no longer doing the heavy lifting of actually carrying a bag."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know, that as they age, and can no longer compete with the big boys and the young guns, they can always fall back to the more secure, semi-retirement career path of business development.  Where, with cat like precision, even though their sales career may be in free fall, business development folk always seem to land on their feet.

"Strategy is about making choices, trade-offs;it's about deliberately choosing to be different."    -  Michael Porter

Sales Joke of The Day (archives) The Homing Cat.

The salesman really hated his wife Patricia's cat. So he decided to get rid of it for good. The salesman put it in the car and drove 2 miles away and dropped it off. Just as he pulled in the driveway, he noticed the cat sitting in the entrance the porch.


The next day he decided he would take the cat 5 miles away and drop it off. But again, the cat found it's way home. Each day the salesman kept going further and further away, but the cat would always find it's way home.


The salesman was so furious that he decided to take the cat even further away, he turned right, then left, circled around, then right again, another right, backtracked a couple of times, then left again. He then dropped the cat off.


Several hours later he phoned Patricia, "Darling, is the cat there?"


"Yes," she answered. "Why?" The salesman replied bitterly, "Put that flippin' animal on the phone. I'm lost and need directions."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to be successful at sales they must know their own backyard better than anyone else.   Getting lost on your home turf is not an option.   Stay focused, and never be led by a stray.


"Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges.  Cats have the courage to live by them."      -  Jim Davis

Sales Joke of the Day (December 22) The Company Christmas Party.

The salesman and his wife are getting ready to go to his company Christmas party that evening.  They are are dressed up, looking their best as the salesman puts their cat out in the backyard for the evening.   Their taxi arrives, but just as the couple is leaving their cat shoots back into the house.   They don't want their cat left in the house, so the salesman's wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat outside.


The salesman's wife, not wanting it known that the home will be empty, explains to the taxi driver:  "My husband is just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."    A few minutes later the salesman gets into the cab.


"Sorry I took so long!" he exclaimed.   "That stupid animal was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a two by four to get her to come out!   Then I had to wrap her in blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me, or drooling all over my brand new suit.  I finally was able to haul her b-u-t-t downstairs and toss her in the backyard!   She'd better not scratch the paint off our back door or take a c-r-a-p on the deck again, either!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they need to avoid taking unnecessary risks.   For some, the company Christmas party is a time to celebrate the year and cut loose with your co-workers.   Often this may lead to an over-consumption of alcohol.   That is why it's always best to take a cab to these events.   Taking the "fare"way rather than the freeway is a reasonable toll to ensure that death's bell doesn't toll for you.


"There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat;  if you don't pet her for ten minutes she'll bother you for six hours."  -  Scott Adams