Sales Joke of the Day (May 21) The Accident.

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.   A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a salesman rushed in and pushed her back. 

"Step aside, lady," he barked.  "I've taken a course in first aid."

The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder.   "Pardon me," she said.  "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, "I'm right here."

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know when to defer to authority.  No one buys from a know-it-all.  People like dealing with people who respect them for what they know and take the time to fully explain to them what they need to know.  In sales, if you ignore someone's credentials, they will undoubtedly ignore you.

"Power, like the diamond, dazzles the beholder, and also the wearer; it dignifies meanness, it magnifies littleness; to what is contemptible, it gives authority; to what is low, exaltation."                     - Charles Caleb Colton

Sales Joke of the Day (May 21) The "Purr"fect Bait and Switch.

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.


He notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.


The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.


The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."


And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.


The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."


And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Moral of the Story:    Understanding the "hot buttons" that motivate your prospects to take action is much more valuable to your sales career than memorizing spec sheets or product facts.   The next time you're at an industry trade show...  tour the floor and take special note of the booths that are stopping prospects in their tracks.  Generally these booths are needs focused and have a visual display that sets them apart from the rest.   Then shamelessly copy ideas, themes and concepts that will better position your business or your product in your customers' eyes.  If you can get your prospects to stop dead in their tracks it will be a lot easier for you to get them to open their wallets!


"The difference between a bad artist and a good one is:  the bad artist seems to copy a great deal; the good one really does."    -  William Blake 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 20) The Fire.

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside a chemical plant.  Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.  After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.  They must be saved!  I will give fifty thousand dollars to the engine company that brings them out safely!"


As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze.  After two more hours of attacking the fire, the president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.  In the distance, a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight.  It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of salesmen.  To everyone's amazement, their little fire engine raced right through the chemical plant's gates and drove straight into the center of the inferno!  In the distance the other firemen watched as the salesmen hopped off their rig and began to fight the fire with a fury and an effort they had never seen before!


After an hour of intense fighting, the volunteer company of salesmen had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.  Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteer salesmen.  Afterwards the president of the chemical company asked the salesmen what they were going to do with the reward money.


The sales manager, captain of the crew and fire truck driver looked the president straight in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the darn brakes on our truck!"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know they need that fire within to work like blazes during the week.  Day in, day out, if they stay focused and keep the heat on, extra rewards and bonuses or spiffs will be theirs.   True sales professionals also know that those who put the brakes on their efforts, because they are afraid of failure, will ultimately never be successful.  Their sales careers will end up in just ashes and smoke.


Continue to keep blazing new trails brave road warriors!   Continue to chop away at your quotas!  For the successful there is no rest.  Only heat!   Can you feel it?   Do you have that fire within?

"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire."

-  Arnold H. Glasow 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 20) Grandma.

On a visit to his grandma, the salesman listened while she complained about the high cost of living.

"When I was a girl," she said, "you could go out with twenty cents and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken."

"That's inflation for you," said the salesman.

"It has nothing to do with inflation," she snapped.  "It's all those darn security cameras that shops have nowadays!"

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that they can learn a lot from their elders.   By listening to their advice you can not only profit from their past successes but you learn to avoid making the same mistakes they made throughout their career.

"Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair."  -  Sam Ewing

Sales Joke of the Day (May 20) Questions.

Bored during a long flight, an eminent scholar leaned over and woke up the sleeping salesman next to him to ask if he would like to play a game.  “I’ll ask you a question,” the scholar explained, “and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50.”


When the salesman agreed to play, the scholar asked, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Flummoxed, the salesman handed him $5. “Ha!” said the scholar. “It’s 238,857 miles.  Now it’s your turn.”


The salesman was silent for a few moments. Then he asked, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”


Puzzled, the scholar racked his brains for an hour–but to no avail. Finally he took out his wallet and handed over $50. “Okay, okay, what is the answer?” the scholar asked.


The salesman said, “I don’t know,” pulled out a $5 bill, handed it to the scholar, and went back to sleep.


Moral of the story:  Even when half asleep the average salesman with just street smarts still drives more revenue than the best educated scholar with book smarts and all the degrees money can buy!  All through school we were trained to come up with correct answers.  But as any sales professional will tell you, asking the best questions is a far more valuable skill!

"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers."   -  Voltaire

Sales Joke of the Day (May 19) Daily Bread.

An ambitious new sales rep for Budweiser beer traveled all the way to Rome and managed to get an audience with the Pope himself.  As soon as the two were alone together, the rep leaned over and whispered, "Your Holiness, I have an offer I think might interest you.  I'm in a position to give you one million dollars if you'll change the wording in the Lord's Prayer from 'Our Daily Bread' to 'Our Daily Beer.'  What do you think?"


"Absolutely not," said the shocked Pontiff.


"Hey I understand, it's a big decision," sympathized the salesman.  "How about five million dollars?"


"I couldn't think of it," sputtered the Pope.


"I know it's a tough one.  Tell you what, I have been authorized to go up as high as fifty million dollars, " proposed the salesman, "but that's our final offer.  You have 21 days to think it over."


Asking the salesman to leave the room, the Pope called in one of his top Cardinals and whispered, "When does our contract with Wonder Bread expire?"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that when negotiating with a prospect, firm deadlines are a useful tool.  But you have to stick to these deadlines or your reputation of folding too easily could become common knowledge.   And that could severely hamper your ability to earn your "daily bread."


"Let there be work, bread, water and salt for all."   -  Nelson Mandela 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 19) The Hearing Aid.

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money.  "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman. 


"Anywhere from $2 to $2,000," replied the salesman.


"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.


The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said, "You just stick this button in you ear and run this little string down to your pocket."


"How does it work?" asked the customer.


"For two dollars it doesn't work," replied the salesman.  "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that in order to succeed they need to be able to present a variety of alternatives to their customers in order to get the sale.  Being able to provide numerous options means a customer now has the ability to choose between two purchases rather than choosing between to purchase and not to purchase.


"I've always wanted to write a book relating my experiences growing up as a deaf child in Chicago.  Contrary to what people might think, it wasn't all about hearing aids and speech classes or frustrations."         -  Marlee Matlin

Sales Joke of the Day (May 18) The Obsession.

A salesman goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, "Doc, I think I'm obsessed with Jigsaw."


"Well let's do a few tests," the doctor says.   He draws a square on a piece of paper and asks the salesman to identify it.


The salesman immediately says "Jigsaw."


Next the doctor draws a circle, which the salesman immediately responds to with "Jigsaw."


Then the doctor draws a triangle, at which point the salesman says "Jigsaw."


The doctor puts away his drawings and says to the salesman, "Yes I do believe you have an obsession with Jigsaw."


To which the salesman replies, "Yeah right Doc, I'm the one with the obsession with Jigsaw!   But you're the one leading me on by drawing all the corporate logos!"


Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that any obsession can only harm their profession.   Balance is key.   Spend some time with your family.  Take a break from it all.   Recharge your batteries.  Variety is the spice of life.   Don't chain yourself to a desk at the office.   Work to live.  Don't live to work.


"There are no extra pieces in the universe.  Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle."   -  Deepak Chopra

Sales Joke of the Day (May 18) Taking Flight.

A salesman for a national news network was assigned to close an account on the other coast of the United States. But he had to get there quick to seal the deal in person and get them to sign on the line that was dotted before a competing network swooped in and grabbed his ad revenue for the quarter.  So he frantically called his sales manager to get his approval to hire a plane. "For a sales as large as that, that will make my number for the quarter too!   Not only will I approve it I'll arrange a private jet.   Get to the airport and it will be waiting there for you!"


As soon as the salesman got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.  He jumped in with his briefcase, notebook, presentation and contracts and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"


The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "How soon until you land us in New York?" asked the salesman. 


"Why?" asked the pilot.


"Because I've got a deal to close before midnight!" said the salesman with great exasperation.


After a long pause the pilot gulped and said, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that really big deals generally close themselves, and they are rarely a last minute, fly by the seat of your pants type proposition.  Towards the end of the quarter a lot of air miles get built up needlessly as reps with little prep try to bag the big elephant.   Let others chase their long shot rainbows and fly from coast to coast, boasting about the number of miles they've flown on behalf of the company.   Real road warriors know that bragging about miles is pointless futile exercise.   Real revenue dollars are the only currency professionals worry about.   Results are the only thing that gets rewarded.   Effort hasn't counted since your elementary school report card.


"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm.  Once you're aboard, there is nothing you can do."    -   Golda Meir

Sales Joke of the Day (May 18) Becoming your own “sole” supplier

A young saleswoman was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.  After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young saleswoman shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"


The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"


Determined, the young saleswoman turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young saleswoman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.  She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.  Just then the young saleswoman flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"


Moral of the Story:    Whenever you have a potential customer who thinks they can’t afford the price you’re charging and they decide to make it themselves or become their own “sole” supplier remember to point out the true cost of their decision.   Often firms going down this path forget their additional labor costs, the additional time involved in a new learning curve, their internal lack of expertise and most of all the additional risk to the company if they get it wrong.

"The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves and the sole cause of all our adversities."       -  Sophocles

Sales Joke of the Day (May 17) The Suitcase.

Harry, a salesman, was stunned to come home from work one evening to find his wife stuffing all her belongings into a suitcase.  "What on earth are you doing?" he cried.


"I can't stand it anymore!" she shrieked.  "Thirty-two years we've been married, and all we do is bicker and quarrel and ignore each other.  I'm leaving!"


Stunned, Harry watched his wife close the suitcase, lug it down the stairs, and proceed to walk out of the house and out of his life, forever.


Suddenly, he was galvanized into action.  Running into the bedroom and grabbing a second suitcase, he yelled back at his wife, "Sylvia, you're right!   You're absolutely right!  I can't bear it any longer either!  Wait a minute, while I pack, and I'll go with you!"


Moral of the story.  True sales professionals who travel quite a bit, realize that it is prudent to always have a suitcase fully packed and ready to go!   That way if duty calls, or if there is an emergency, you are ready to travel at a moment's notice.  Establishing routines, while on the road, is a great idea.  Routines often save you time, money and lower the number of articles you would otherwise lose checking in and out of hotels in a chaotic manner.  Last, travel light.   Each pound of luggage you leave at home will make your trip that much more enjoyable.

"I get ideas about what's essential when packing my suitcase." 

-  Diane von Furstenberg

Sales Joke of the Day (May 17) The Dinner.

A salesman, on the road, is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He had been checking her out since she sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.


Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out its socket, right towards the salesman.  He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of mid-mid air and hands it right back to her.   "Oh, I am so sorry," the gorgeous woman says as she pops her eye back in lace.  "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."


They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks.  After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come over to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.  The salesman is amazed.   Everything over the last twelve hours had been incredible!   "You know," he said to the gorgeous woman, you are the perfect woman.  Are you this nice to every man you meet?"


"No," she replied, "you just happened to catch my eye."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that their sales success often depends upon their ability to give eye catching presentations.   Without a little flair, showmanship and perhaps a little humor, how are you going to get your prospect's attention?   Ask yourself, just how are you going to make their eyes pop out?

"The ear tends to be lazy, craves the familiar and is shocked by the unexpected; the eye, on the other hand, tends to be impatient, craves the novel and is bored by repetition."     

-  W. H. Auden

Sales Joke of the Day (May 17th) Sales Tools.

There was this little salesman sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big burly beast of a dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.


The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea!"


The little salesman thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."


So the little salesman has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little salesman is gone for an hour or so. But then thinks for awhile and asks himself, " Why shouldn't I be at the bar if I want to?"


So the little salesman goes back to the bar, walks up behind the big dude and WHAM!!!"  He knocks the big dude off his stool.  In fact he hits him so hard he knocks him out cold!!!   The little salesman looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears!"


Moral of the story.   No matter what the challenge, a salesman with the right sales tools and enough effort can overcome the biggest obstacles!  Never underestimate the value of having the right sales tool at your disposal at the right time!

"We become what we behold.  We shape our tools and then our tools shape us."

-  Marshall McLuhan

Sales Joke of the Day (May 16) The Couple.

A certain sales couple loved to compete with each other, comparing their achievements in every aspect of their lives; salaries, commissions, athletic abilities, social accomplishments, Jigsaw points, and so on.  Everything was a contest, and the husband sank into a deep depression because he had yet to win a single one.  Finally he sought professional counsel, explaining to the shrink that while he wouldn't mind losing once in a while, his unbroken string of defeats against his wife, had left him pretty down.


"Simple enough.  All we have to do is devise a game that you can't possibly lose."  The shrink thought for a moment, then he proposed a peeing contest.  "Whoever can pee higher on the wall wins?   How could any woman win?"


Running home with renewed enthusiasm, the husband called upstairs, "Darling, I've got a new game!"


"Oooh, I love games," his wife squealed, running down the stairs.  "What is it?"


"Come on out here," the salesman instructed, pulling his his saleswoman wife out to the patio.  "We're going to stand here and pee against the garage wall, and whoever makes the highest mark wins!"


"Sounds like fun!   I'll go first!"  His wife proceeded to lift up her dress, then her leg, and she managed to pee on the garage wall about six inches up from the ground.   She turned to him expectantly.


"Okay, now it's my turn," said the beleaguered husband eagerly.  He unzipped his fly, and was just about to make his mark when his wife interrupted.


"Hold on a sec," she called out.   "No hands allowed!"


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that some competition amongst co-workers or family members is a good thing.  But too much competition can be corporately counter-productive.  Too much competition will eventually turn friend against friend and family member against family member.   And when combatants start hitting below the belt, things can start to get messy real fast.  So, if you're really looking to a leave your mark on this world, it's probably best to just wash your hands of this whole competition thing.


"Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off."         -  Franklin D. Roosevelt 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 16) Heaven Can Wait.

An 85 year old retired salesman and his wife, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash while he was texting.  They had been in great health the last ten years of their lives, mainly due to the salesman's wife interest in health, food, and exercise.   When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, a master bath suite and Jacuzzi.


As the couple "oohed and aahed" the retired salesman asked how much all this was going to cost.


"It's free," Peter replied, "this is heaven."


Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that their home backed up to.  They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the greatest golf courses on earth.  The retired salesman asked, "What are the green fees?" 


Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free."


Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out before them.  The retired salesman was salivating at all the meats and varieties of bacon that were removed from his diet years before.  "How much to eat?" asked the salesman.


"Don't you understand yet?  This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.


"Well, where are all the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old salesman asked timidly.


Peter lectured, "That's the best part....   You can eat as much as you like and never get fat and never get sick.  This is heaven!"


With that the old retired salesman went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.  Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong.


The old retired salesman looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault.  If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!"


Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that physical health, a good diet and plenty of exercise are all keys to staying wealthy and wise.   Just remember to have some fun along the way too.   What's the point of reaching 80 if all you've got left are regrets?

"The true object of all human life is play.  Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground."   -  Gilbert K. Chesterton

Sales Joke of The Day (May 16th) "Checking" out.

A young salesman was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.


“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who I haven’t seen in a long time.”


“That’s a shame,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?”


“Yes,” she said, “as I’m leaving, can you say ‘Goodbye, Mother!’ It would make me feel so much better.”


“Sure,” answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!”


“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.


Moral of the story:   In sales you can never let your guard down.   If a prospect places an order that's too good to be true check their credit!    If a prospect demands too much of your time; check to see if they have a budget, a timeline and what the scale of their project is before committing to doing anything.   Perpetual tirekickers are leeches on your time which is the only resource you have to reach quota and meet your own goals.   Don't give your time away too easily!   Don't get caught holding the bag while someone else gets the business!


"I think that if you haven't been to the grocery store in a really long time, it's really easy to get very out of touch."     -  Zooey Deschanel

 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 15) The iPhone.

"How did you manage to hired into the best territory, get handed all the biggest install base accounts and get promoted to Director of Sales just two weeks later?" asked the puzzled veteran road warrior.


"Easy," cooed the new young blond female Director of Sales, "I know how to use this really well," she exclaimed as she pulled an iPhone from her purse and displayed it provocatively in front of the road warrior.


"But that's just an iPhone," shrugged the road warrior.


"It's not so much the tool, but how you use it," cooed the new Director of Sales.  "You should know that. Let me explain.  iDate the Vice President of Sales.  iVideo our encounter after dinner.  iText a copy of the video to the VP along with his wife's email address.  iGet promoted."


"iUnderstand," replied the road warrior.


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that mastery of current technology is essential for long term sales success.  Don't let your competitors, internally or externally, pass you buy because of their superior computer or smart phone skills.  Understanding how to get the most out of today's technology can really advance your sales career.  You know what you have to do now.   Get snapping!  Get texting!   Get social!  Get promoted!


"Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower."    -  Steve Jobs

 

Sales Joke of the Day (May 15) The Stage.

The salesman's son was performing in a school play when he suddenly fell through a large crack in the floorboards.


The audience gasped, but the salesman stood up a reassured them all when he said:  "Don't worry folks!  It's just a stage he's going through."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that their success often depends on knowing what stage in the buying cycle their prospect is in.   If you don't know what stage, how can you know what play?   And if you don't know what play how can you possibly know your lines?   Stages.  Become an expert at them before your sales career falls through the floorboards.


"The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts."   - Charles Darwin

Sales Joke of the Day (May 15) Expensive Car Equipped with too much “Suspension”

A hip young successful salesman goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"


The young salesman replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron. It cost $1.24M."


"That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?


"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool salesman proudly.


The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside? "Sure," replies the owner.


So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"


Just then, the light changes, so the salesman decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH.


Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whoooosh! Something whips by him, going much faster!


"What on earth could be going faster than my Bugatti?" the young salesman asks himself.


Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Bugatti?"


Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh!


Ka-bbblammm! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young salesman jumps out, and good grief, it is the old man!!! Of course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"


The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!" 


Moral of the story:    When your sales career has accelerated into the passing lane don't slow down to talk to old geezers!!!  They will do anything they can to slow you down and wreck your ride! 

"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions."  

-  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Sales Joke of the Day (May 14) A "Hare" Raising Sales Trip.

A field salesman is driving along a highway between calls and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of his rental car. The driver, a sensitive salesman as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The salesman feels so awful that he begins to cry.


A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the salesman crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the salesman what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."


The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.


The salesman is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
  

Moral of the story.   True sales professionals realize that in order to succeed at sales they must look successful.  Dead looking hair can really take the life out of your commission check.  So take control of your hair with a just a bit, but not to much, hair spray.  You'll be able to give mediocrity a permanent wave good bye.


"I maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong."   -  Steven Morrissey