Sales Joke of the Day (April 28) Salesman of the Year.

There was an interview on television with America's number one salesman of the year. The interviewer asked a number of the usual questions ... Where did you grow up? ... How did you get started in sales?, and so on, then he said: "You're the salesman of the year, so sell me something."


"What would you like me to sell you?"  asked the salesman.


There was an ashtray on the coffee table between them. "How about that ashtray?" replied the reporter.


"What do you want it for?" asked the salesman.


"Well, it'll stop my friends from getting ash all over the carpet, and it'll fit in with the color scheme of my living room, and besides that it's a nice looking ashtray."  replied the reporter.


"What do you think it might be worth?" asked the salesman.


"Oh ... about $15.00." replied the reporter.


"It's yours!" asserted the salesman.


Moral of the story....      great salespeople, true leaders in the field, are able with just a few simple questions to get their prospects to sell themselves.


"What makes us human, I think, is an ability to ask questions, a consequence of our sophisticated spoken language."     -  Jane Goodall

Sales Joke of the Day (April 21) The Not So "Perfect Storm".

A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY:


“Delayed by storm. Send instructions.”


His boss e-mails back: “Start vacation immediately!”

 
Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, when you are out on the road, at times you need to be independent and make decisions for yourself.  All road trips are subject to a change in the schedule without any advance warning.  Sales pros have contingency tasks and plans at hand should some time suddenly open up on their schedule at the last minute.  In short, when you're on the road and if it's in the best interests of the company, just do it!   It's always easier to ask for forgiveness once you're back in the office than it is to ask for permission or instructions ahead of time.  Show your manager that you are too dependent on him to make small decisions about your work; and that vacation he'll want you to take could end up being a permanent one.

"You can't get mad at weather because weather is not about you.  Apply that lesson to most other aspects of life."    -  Douglas Coupland

Sales Joke of the Day (March 12) Self-Promotion.

The used car salesman was always looking for new and different ways to get his name out in front of his buying public.  So when an advertising salesman offered him the opportunity of putting his face and business card on every shopping cart of the largest supermarket in town, he couldn't resist.


Fully a year went by before any calls came in from the shopping cart ads.  But then one day the phone rang.


"Bob, Bob Smith?" the caller asked.


"That's right," the used car salesman replied,   "For deals on wheels call Bob Smith.   You've got him now.  How can I help you today?"


"Yes," the voice said.  "One of your shopping carts is in my yard, practically on my front porch, and I want you to come and get it right away."


Moral of the story.   True sales professionals know that not all advertising is good advertising.  Make sure, before placing any ads to boost your personal brand, that you're buying access to the audience you want.  Know your target market and then purchase advertising that aligns with that target market and has a proven history of producing results.   Next, make sure you have the capacity on hand to handle the response.   The only thing worse than running a bad advertising campaign, is running a great advertising campaign but not having the product on hand to satisfy demand.   In this scenario, not only have you let business walk out the door, but you've probably alienated potential customers even before they've had the chance to buy anything from you.


"The final key to the way I promote is bravado.  I play to people's fantasies.  People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do.  That's why a little hyperbole never hurts."         -  Donald Trump

Sales Joke of the Day (November 14) The Headlines.

A salesman traveling down main street,  through a small town in Georgia, noticed a wild dog suddenly leap out and attack a small boy on the sidewalk.   Without thought for his own safety, the salesman instinctively dragged the dog off the boy before having to throttle it to death with his own bare hands.


The shocking incident was witnessed by a reporter on the local newspaper who went up and shook the hero by the hand.  The reporter told the salesman that the headline in this week's paper would be:  Brave Local Salesman Saves Child By Killing Vicious Beast.


"But I'm not from this town," replied the salesman.


"No problem," replied the reporter.  "The headline will be:  Georgia Salesman Saves Child By Killing Dog."


"As a matter of fact," revealed the salesman, "I'm not from Georgia at all!   I'm from upstate New York!"


The reporter glared at him.  "In which case sir, the headline will be:  "Yankee Salesman Slays Family Pet!"


Moral of the story.    True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they have to travel extensively and spend a lot of time away from home.  When on the road, true sales professionals know that in order to survive they need to blend in as much as possible.  Don't draw attention to yourself and never use rental car companies that put a big sticker of their logo on the back bumper of your rental vehicle.   They might as well just put a neon sign in the back window of your car saying:  "I'm from out of town on business.  I'm carrying a lot of cash, a computer and credit cards.   No one is going to miss me for a few days.   Rob me now!"


"People get up, they go to work, they have their lives, but you'll never see the headlines say, 'Six billion people got along rather well today.' You'll have the headline about the thirty people who shot each other."         -      John Malkovich