In the great desert lived a band of nomads. A salesman named Benny,
had decided to sell them shoes and all sorts of other footwear his firm
had designed specifically for desert climates. Since the local people
believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, Benny grew
himself a huge beard to fit right in with the community and build
rapport.
But after several days of door to door selling, Benny
the salesman, began to fell uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this
hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, but his local inside
sales representative was shocked and said, "Do you not remember the
ancient legend, Sire? The man who removes his beard is cursed and made
into a piece of earthenware."
Benny, the salesman, had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.
Being
headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent
beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It
lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized
clay vessel where only moments before had stood the salesman.
The local inside sales representative then knew the legend must be true. His conclusion?
"A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales, sometimes you need to be a little nomadic.
Traveling from town to town, city to city, hotel room to hotel room, can
get to be a little tiresome at times. As an outlet, some road
warriors abuse the corporate expense account, from time to time, in
order to compensate themselves for the inconvenience of being away from
home. Don't fall into the corporate expense account spend trap. Be
frugal instead. Don't waste funds just because they aren't your own.
Or someday, a corporate accounting dust storm will suddenly come up and
shave you off their books as an expense line item, permanently. And
your career? Well, it would be urned as well.
"I am a traveler. I am a nomad. I rarely sleep in the same bed more
than three or four nights. And I know hotel life better than
anyone." - Diane von Furstenberg
After a long evening drinking in the golf club bar, a salesman
set off for home, but half a mile down the road his car was pulled over
by a police officer.
The officer did not need a breathalyzer to see what the problem was. "You're too drunk to drive," he said.
"Too drunk too drive?" repeated the salesman. "I'm too drunk to putt!"
After his car was impounded, his mugshot and fingerprints taken, a
court date set and bail posted, the salesman took a cab home. When the
salesman got home, his wife was fit to be tied.
After two hours of non-stop nagging, the salesman couldn't take it
any longer. He turned to his wife and yelled, "Be quiet! Or you will
drive me out of my mind!"
"That wouldn't be a drive," she argued. "That would be a putt!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know better than to
drink and drive. For if they do, they know it could cost them some
"green." But, in addition to the monetary costs there's the additional
trouble and "rough" time one's entire family would be "putt" through.
And that just wouldn't be a "fair way" to deal with things now "wood"
it? Don't get "trapped" by the drink, be a "tee"totaller, "fore" your
kid's sake.
"Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I am able to
tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something." - Ray Romano
The salesman was driving down a lonely northern road one cold winter
day when it began to snow pretty heavily. His windows were getting
icy, his wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the
strain.
Unable to drive any further because of the ice building
up on his front window the salesman suddenly had a great idea. He
stopped and began to overturn large rocks until he located two very
lethargic hibernating rattlesnakes.
The salesman grabbed them
up, straightened them out flat and installed them on the car's wiper
brackets, and they worked just fine.
Of course, that's because they were wind-chilled vipers.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in business you have to be able to drive long distances in a lot
of inclement weather. There are no "snow days" off in sales. In
order to arrive at your destination safely, when driving in winter
conditions, make sure your windshield wipers are working perfectly and
that your windshield wiper fluid tank isn't running on empty. In many
northern climates, it's a good idea to invest in a good set of snow
tires. That added traction could make all the difference between
arriving on time or arriving in pieces. Last, make sure to allow extra
time to travel in bad weather. Speed is not your friend on slippery
roads, and is the number one cause of winter car accidents. The second
cause of winter car accidents? Motorists having to swerve quickly in
order to avoid people who have gotten out of their cars at the side of
the road in order to look for new wind-chilled vipers.
"Then come the wild weather, come sleet or come snow, we stand by each other, however it blow." - Simon Dach
Mr. D. Ed Beat, a salesman, was in dire need of periodontal work,
so Dr. Graves, an oral surgeon, performed a series of operations over a
three-month period. The salesman however, paid only for the first
third, ignoring all Dr. Graves remittance notices and threats of
collection agencies. Finally the desperate oral surgeon enclosed a
snapshot of his three little children in a note that read, "Dear Mr.
Beat - here's why I need the money you owe me."
Dr. Graves was thrilled when an envelope arrived from D. Ed Beat a
week later. Opening it up, he found a large photograph of a gorgeous
woman. Scrawled on the bottom was a note form his errant patient:
"Dear Dr. Graves - here's why I can't pay!"
Moral of the story. In today's world of e-business, e-mail and
e-lectronic communitcations; sometimes if you really want to get your
message across take it old school! Sending out an eye-catching
brochure with a personalized note just scrawled across the bottom gets
noticed. It shows you care. By the way, when it comes to debt, professional sales people should know, you never bite off more than you can chew.
"Friendship, like credit, is highest when it it not used." - Elbert Hubbard
A Vice President of Sales of a major company was scheduled to
address an important convention, so he asked his executive assistant to
write him a punchy, twenty minute speech. But when the Vice President
of Sales returned from the convention he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?" he raged at his
executive assistant. "Most of the audience walked out before I was
even halfway through!"
The executive assistant was mystified. "I wrote you a twenty minute
speech," he said. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that when you give
a speech, never rely on others to do your preparation. You never want
to be caught short.... or long.
"Mind your speech a little lest you should mar your fortunes." - William Shakespeare
The salesman had a dog named Trousers. Trousers was normally a
happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other
doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care.
But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different.
The salesman was walking Trousers along a trail at the park, when
suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He
had white paint on his face, and was gesturing annoyingly at Trousers
and the salesman. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to
pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long
rope.
Seeing the sheer horror on the salesman's, Trousers took
it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and
sank his teeth into this annoying pseudo clown's leg.
Trousers
immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly.
He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove
the man's foul essence from his mouth.
For Trousers had learned that a mime is a terrible thing to taste.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you have dress the part. This includes having
good taste in trousers. When selecting trousers, you need to make sure
that they are long enough, but not too long. You need to make sure
they fit well, but not too tight. And you need to make sure they are
made of high quality material. But whatever you do, before going out
to see a client, make sure you have your trousers on, or your visit
could be very "briefs."
"I want to go out at the top, but the secret is knowing when you're
at the top, it's so difficult in this business, your career fluctuates
all the time, up and down, like a pair of trousers."
- Rod
Stewart
A woman was waiting at a bus stop when a salesman arrived with
envelopes and stamps plastered in a neat design all over his bare
head.
The perplexed woman said: "If it's not a silly question, why have
you got envelopes and stamps stuck all over your head in some sort of
design?"
"Oh that!" replied the salesman. "It's just mail pattern baldness."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, all forms of communication need to be leveraged. In
the information age, when everyone else is using email, perhaps a good
old-fashioned, personalized, stamped, hand-written, letter, might just
make an impact. But don't get carried away with all the envelopes and
stamps though. Others might think you've gone postal!
"I get mail; therefore I am." - Scott Adams
The neighbor wondered why the salesman's wife was wearing black.
"My husband died last week," she explained.
"Oh, I am so sorry to hear that," said the neighbor.
"Yes, he became ill on our last alpine vacation. He suffered a heart attack when someone attached a rocket to his skis."
"A rocket?" asked the neighbor. "That's terrible."
"Yes, after that he went downhill very fast."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you have to be able to deal with sudden ups and downs
in your career. By keeping your nose to the grindstone and staying
focused on your goals, no matter what obstacles may come your way, your
career will be sure to take off like a rocket.
"Sometimes it's all about the win, sometimes it's about the skiing." - Bode Miller
To the irritation of the judge, the salesman was trying to be excused from jury duty.
"Tell me," rapped the judge, "is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in this trial?"
The salesman replied: "I don't want to be away from my job that long."
"Can't they do without you at work?" demanded the judge.
"Yes," admitted the salesman, "But I don't want them to realize it."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to make your self indispensable.
Indispensable to your customers, your co-workers and your employer. How
do you do this? By being fully engaged in what you do. By going the
extra mile and by trying to help those around you become better at what
they do. Second, listen! You'd be amazed at all that you can learn
about your company, your products and yourself; just by listening to
those around you. Chances are, if you are just going through the
motions between 9 to 5, no one is really going to miss you. And it's
just a matter of time before they realize it.
"Leadership and learning are indispensable to one another." - John F. Kennedy
The salesman’s co-worker decided to get married on Valentine’s Day.
Attending a wedding for the first time, the salesman’s little girl
whispered to him, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
The
salesman thought for a moment and whispered back, "because white is the
color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
His daughter thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in sales one must strive to keep the peace on the home front.
Especially, on special occasions like Valentine’s Day, you have to
remember to cover all your bases. So, to all you married guys out
there, make sure that you call your wife from work right now, and wish
her a heartfelt “Good Mourning!”
"A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."
- Frank Morgan
It was Valentine's Day. The elderly salesman and his wife were
lying in bed that night. The salesman was beginning to fall asleep, but
his wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily, the salesman reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, the salesman reached across, gave his wife a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the blankets and got of out bed.
"Where are you going?" asked his wife.
"To get my teeth!"
True sales professionals know that in order to be successful at
sales, sometimes it takes patience. Certain prospects will make you
jump through hoops. They just love to live through some of the old
times over and over and over again before they place their order. The
best thing you can do, is to just have patience, grin and bare it. And
if you still have them, show some teeth.
"A kiss makes the heart young and wipes out the years." - Rupert Brooke
A young salesman found himself alone again close to Valentine's
Day. Determined to change things, he decided to sign up with a
matchmaking service that guaranteed him a blind date before Valentine's
Day.
That afternoon he received an email with instructions on where to go
for dinner to meet his match. So, at the specified time, the young
salesman showed up at the restaurant with a dozen roses and made his way
to the exact table as specified in the email. Unfortunately, the
young woman at the table was conspicuously ugly. The young salesman
thought for a moment, that he should just turn around and leave. The
matchmaking service did not provide either party with pictures or even
names, so she was "blind" to what he looked like and who he was. But,
he reasoned, it wouldn't be right to just leave her there alone. So
he made his way to the table.
When he got there, the young salesman asked, "Are you waiting here for a blind date?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"Well then these are for you," stated the young salesman as he handed her the roses.
"Thanks!" she exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting, I , I, I've never
received roses before!" The salesman noticed a small tear well up in
the corner of both of her eyes.
"I know that this dating service thing is little awkward, but can I ask you your name?" asked the salesman.
"Why of course," replied the young woman. "My name is Thursday."
"That's an unusual name," countered the salesman.
"I know," asserted the young woman. "My grandmother, who raised me,
told me that when I was born, my mom and dad got their first look at
me in the hospital, they turned to one another and said in unison, 'I
think we better call it a day.' "
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, perseverance is key. No matter how ugly a Thursday
appears, just work through it. It really isn't that bad. Besides,
with the weekend just around the corner you'll have plenty of time to
unwind, recharge, put Thursday behind you and get ready for another week
of opportunities.
"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays." - Douglas Adams
"I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That's all any of us can hope for." - April Winchell
Not many people know it, but the Devil actually wears a wig. It
has been a closely guarded secret for year and even some of those
closest to him had no idea because of the remarkably good fit. But down
in the world of fire and brimstone, one salesman did find out, and he
decided to play a practical joke. So one night, the salesman, sneaked
past the guardian demons, crept into Satan's bed chamber, stole the
hairpiece and made good his escape!
When the devil discovered that his wig had vanished, he was furious!
He immediately summoned his demons and demanded to know which of them
had allowed an outsider to break into the Satanic quarters. Nobody
owned up, which made him madder still.
So he called a general meeting of the entire underworld, ordering
everyone to attend. The meeting took place in a giant cavern, and as
Satan stood up to speak, there were stifled giggles from the audience as
people saw for the first time that their leader was follically
challenged. As the giggling turned to peals of laughter, Satan roared
impatiently: "Be quiet!!"
A deathly silence descended. "Whoever stole it," bellowed Satan,
jabbing his finger angrily, "had better return it at once!" And then he
paused for effect before continuing........
"Or there will be H-E-L-L toupee!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they sometimes need to have a very high laugh
threshold. When folks get together sometimes funny stuff just comes
up. At formal get togethers however, pointing fingers and giggling is
never acceptable. Instead, take out your smartphone and discretely
snap a photo. Once you're back in the seclusion of your own hotel room
or home; look at the photo again. At that point if it still makes you
laugh, email the photo out to a few friends or co-workers so they can
enjoy the chuckle as well. It can make for one h-e-c-k of a good time.
"Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?" - Frank Moore Colby
A puny bus driver pulled up at the bus stop and a giant of a salesman climbed on board.
"Big John doesn't pay," said the giant salesman and he marched straight to his seat.
Given the difference in build between the two men, the bus driver was not about to argue.
The next day the same thing happened. The mountain of a salesman got
on the bus, glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay." And
then he went and took his seat.
This went on for several days, by the end of which the driver was
starting to resent Big John, the salesman's attitude. Why should he not
pay when everyone else had to? So the driver went to the gym and began
an intensive course of body-building so that he could stand up and face
Big John, the giant salesman, like a man.
Two months later and with rippling muscles where there was once skin
and bone, the bus driver looked forward to his daily encounter. At his
usual stop, the colossal sales giant got on and announced, "Big John
doesn't pay."
But this time the driver wasn't going to take it lying down. He rose
to his feet and asked, "Oh yeah! And why doesn't Big John pay?"
The salesman reached into the inside of his suit jacket while he
said, "Big John doesn't pay." The driver momentarily feared the
worst. And then the gigantic salesman said, "Because Big John got bus
pass."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you often need to look the part. While being
green, and taking public transit is great for the environment; it won't
be putting to much green in your commission pocket, if you are in field
sales. Like it or not, prospects and customers will judge how
successful you are by the make and model year of the car you drive. So
if you do have to take public transit; don't make a spectacle of
yourself, or your customers and prospects just might take a pass on what
you have to offer.
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want
is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks
down." -Oprah Winfrey
Sam, a salesman, wasn't happy about putting his dad in the state
nursing home. But it was all he could afford - until that day his big
deal came in. Wow! The size of that commission check! The first thing
Sam did with his newfound wealth was to move his father to the best
nursing home available.
The old man was astounded by the luxury of his new surroundings. On
the first day, as he was sitting in front of the television, he started
to list to his right side. Instantly, a nurse ran over and tactfully
straightened him out. Over lunch he started to lean a bit to the left,
but within a few seconds a nurse was there and gently pushed him upright
again.
That night his son, the salesman, called. "How are you doing, Pop?" he asked eagerly.
"Oh Sam, it's a wonderful place," said the father. "I've got my own
color TV, the food is cooked by a French chef, the gardens look like
Versailles, you wouldn't believe."
"I'm glad Pop. It sounds perfect," replied the son.
"There's one problem with this place though, Sammy," the father whispered. "They won't let you fart."
Moral of the story. If you're in a Friday afternoon business
meeting, and one of your colleagues is shifting from side to side, don't
worry. They are not passing out or having a bad reaction to street
pharmaceuticals. They probably just had the bean soup special for
lunch. Politely just reach down into your brief case, or notebook bag,
grab the hospital mask you've saved for just such occasions and put it
on with pride.
"Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose you nursing home."
- Steven Wright
Staying the night in a cheap hotel in a dead-end town, the
salesman was bored out of his skull. The hotel bar, always his port of
call, was closed for renovations, there were no restaurants nearby and
the TV in his room was broken. The salesman resorted to looking in the
bedside table drawer for some reading material, but all he could find
was a Bible. He opened the first page and a note fell out.
It read: "My son, if you are troubled by the demons of alcohol and
seek help in your darkest hour of need, you can always call on me and I
will be there to ease your pain and anguish. Don't be afraid to pick up
the phone and call me. I will be happy to listen to your temptations
and be supportive as possible."
The note struck a chord, so, close to tears, the salesman picked up
the phone and called the number given. After a few rings and a few
seconds, a voice on the other end finally answered: "Harry's Liquor
Store..."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that when they
are on the road, it's best to stick to your regular routine and get
plenty of rest. Staying up too late or calling strangers will lead you
to trouble rather than solve your problems.
"The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life."
- George Bernard Shaw
A salesman traveling in south-east Asia was horrified to be served bird's nest soup.
"Do you mean to say that this is actually a bird's nest?" he protested.
The chef assured the salesman that it was, explaining that the bird built the nest with its own saliva as glue.
"Are you saying I'm supposed to eat saliva from a bird?" he demanded. "I can't imagine anyone eating bird's saliva."
Realizing that there was no hope of converting him, or encouraging
him to try something different, the chef asked what he would prefer
instead.
The salesman responded, "Oh, just fix me an omelet."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in business, sometimes you have to adapt to different cultures
in order to build rapport. Refusing to even try foods from other lands
could cause you to be perceived as arrogant, disrespectful or rude. As
far as the business is concerned, you could lose a lot of it, and your
career could end up in hot water! So please, just eat the soup
.
"When I was having that alphabet soup, I never thought it would pay off." - Vanna White
A salesman with a heavy cold went to see his doctor. The doctor
prescribed a heavy dose of tablets but they had no effect. On the
salesman's next visit the doctor administered an injection but that
didn't work either. On his third visit, the doctor told the salesman,
"I want you to go home, take a hot bath, then open all the windows in
your house and stand in the draft."
But if I do that, doc, I'll catch pneumonia," replied the salesman.
"I know," said the doctor. "But I can cure pneumonia."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that if they want
to be successful at sales they need to be able to properly diagnose what
ails their customers. True sales professionals also understand the
importance of not trying to apply their solutions to customer's problems
they know they can't solve.
"Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient." - Ambrose Pierce
A puny salesman, down on his luck, decided to supplement his
income with a second job as a lumberjack. But the foreman told him,
"Sorry, pal. You're too weak."
"I may look weak," protested the puny salesman, "but I'm not. At least give me a chance to show what I can do."
"Okay then," replied the foreman, "see that giant redwood over there? Let's see you chop it down."
Half an hour later, to the amazement of the foreman, the giant redwood was lying on its side.
"Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?" asked the foreman.
"The Sahara Forest," replied the puny salesman.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" asked the foreman.
"Sure," replied the puny salesman, if that's what they call it now."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you have to chop down big deals one swing at a time.
Working with sharpened sales skills make the job go that much easier.
"People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees results."
- Albert Einstein
The salesman's young son came running out of the bathroom in tears.
"What's the matter son?" asked the salesman.
"I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet."
"Ah, that's nothing to get upset about," replied the salesman, "we'll just throw it out and get you a new one."
So the salesman fished his son's toothbrush out of the toilet, and
put it in the garbage. When he returned, his son was holding another
toothbrush."
"Isn't that my toothbrush?" asked the salesman.
"Yes," replied the boy, "and we'd better throw yours out too, because it fell in the toilet four days ago."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to always leave your customers and
prospects with a good taste in their mouth. No matter what the problem,
always treat them with dignity and respect. Second, always deal with
your customers equitably. If you are going to give preferential pricing
to one, give preferential pricing to all, if they are buying similar
quantities. Nothing sours a business relationship faster than for one
party to find out a few days after they thought they got a great deal,
that someone else they know, got a better deal, from the same supplier.
It's like finding out a few days later that someone dropped your
toothbrush in the toilet. Like the dropped toothbrush, chances are your
position as the customer's vendor of choice, will get trashed just as
quickly. Remember, your business dealings, like your teeth, should always be kept clean.
"To achieve harmony in bad taste is the height of elegance." - Jean Genet
A salesman wanted to ask his pretty waitress for a date but couldn't
get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly
looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out
his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented.
The salesman asked, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."
"Sorry," the waitress replied. "I thought you just wanted more coffee."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in sales you have to make direct eye contact and never be afraid
to ask closing questions. Direct eye contact lets others know that
you are confident and have nothing to hide. Having shifty eyes or not
looking directly at a prospect, can lead them to believe you cannot be
trusted. As for asking direct closing questions, just remember,
customers and prospects are not psychic! How else do you expect to
close a sale you never ask for?
"Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the
old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone
wasn't looking down at a device in their hands? We've become so focused
on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in
front of us." - Regina Brett
The salesman decided to take a week off from the pressures of the
office, the weather and his quota and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did
he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling. Moments later a
sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, the salesman was
able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as
fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.
Hours later, when everyone but the salesman had returned, a rescue
team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke
curling from the cave and went to investigate. Poking his head through
the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Hello! Is anyone there?
It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, the tense stressed out salesman yelled back, "Get lost! I'm on a holiday! Besides I already gave at the office!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales, sometimes you need to accept help from others.
At other times, you can pay society back, or forward, by supporting
local charities. Never cut yourself off from society at large, or
you'll begin that lonely slide down the slippery slope of despair and
loneliness. Your customers will soon find you to be bitter and will
take their business elsewhere. One morning you will wake up and realize
that you have hit rock bottom when you can only dream of one day being
able to ask your customers, "Would you like fries with that?"
Stop this avalanche of negativity today! Go out and donate your
money and or your time to the charity of your choice. Both you and your
world will be better for it!
"True charity is the desire to be useful to others with no thought of recompense."
- Emanuel Swedenborg
An American salesman went to Tokyo on a business trip but because
he didn't like Japanese food, he asked the hotel concierge if there was
anywhere he could get American food.
The concierge told him that a new pizza parlor had opened half a mile
away and that it did deliveries. Armed with the phone number, the
salesman returned to his room and ordered a pizza.
Half an hour later, the delivery guy knocked on the door with the
pizza. The salesman took it, but immediately started sneezing
uncontrollably. He said to the delivery man: "What the heck did you put
on this pizza?"
The delivery man replied: "We put on exactly what you order on the phone, pepper only."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed you must verify everything before finalizing an order. If
dealing with a foreign concept to the potential buyer, verify two or
three times just to ensure your prospect's product expectations are
correct and that the payment terms are accurate. Making sure you take
all the necessary steps in the transaction upfront will prevent your
boss from kicking your keester later.
"Reality: What a concept!" - Robin Williams
The salesman had been unemployed for a long time. Just as his
finances starting to get into a grave situation, he spotted a help
wanted ad for cemetery sales. He was called in for an interview right
away.
In the interview room, the human resources manager looked the
salesman over from head to toe before saying, "Since we've had no other
applicants, the job is yours providing you pass our personality test.
You see, the cemetery business isn't for everyone. You need to be able
to deal with grief and have very good control of your emotions at all
times. We take things very seriously around here. No fooling around.
You see, most of our customers would be put in awkward situation if you
really seemed to enjoy what you were doing. So, do you consent to
taking our oral examination? It's only three questions in length."
"Yes, I consent," replied the salesman.
"Thank you. Let's begin with the first question then." stated the human resources manager. "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," replied the salesman.
"Correct," stated the human resources manager. "And what would be the opposite of depression?"
"Elation," replied the salesman confidently. With only one question to go, he knew the job would be his!
"Correct," stated the human resources manager. "One question to go. What would be the opposite of woe?"
Without thinking the excited salesman replied, "Giddyup!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, you have to keep your emotions in check. Whether it's
interviewing for that dream job, or closing that large deal; you must
not let your emotions rob you of logical thought. Doing so could prove
costly to that deal and to your career.
"The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They
have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment
and nothing distracts them. That's not me." - Ray Romano
A salesman suffered for months with chronic back pain and was
eventually persuaded by his doctor to go and see a chiropractor. "A
chiropractor, doc? Are you sure? Are they really doctors???"
Even though the salesman didn't have faith in such people, and was
convinced they could not help him; his back was so sore and he had
missed so much sleep that he was willing to try anything.
So, the salesman went to see a local chiropractor. And after just a few minutes of treatment, his back felt like new.
"So, how do you feel about chiropractors now?" asked the chiropractor as the salesman got up from his treatment table.
"Well," the salesman responded as he rose to his feet. "I stand corrected."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, you can't afford to prejudge any individual, any
organization or any situation. Prejudging things or people, will
sometimes cost you potential opportunities or revenue. Remember, no
one's perfect. If you have made an error in judgment, like betting on
the Broncos in the Super Bowl, don't resent it, be frustrated by it, or
get upset. Just own it and be willing to say, "I stand corrected."
"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."
- Will Rogers
A salesman sat down in a restaurant and ordered a bowl of hot
chili. But the waitress replied, "I'm sorry, the customer at the tale
next to you had the last bowl."
The salesman looked across the aisle to the other customer's table and noticed that he had left most of of his chili.
"Could I have that?" asked the salesman.
"Sure, help yourself," replied the other customer.
The salesman was starving and started to dig in to the chili as soon
as the waitress placed put it down on his table. Unfortunately half way
down, he discovered a mouse.
"Ugh!" the salesman exclaimed. "I've found a dead mouse in my chili!"
"Yeah, that's about as far as I got too," stated the other customer.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you have to make the most of everything you receive.
Often, when taking over a territory you will receive second-hand
accounts and second-hand opportunities that other sales representatives
have already worked on. Rather than just diving in and trying to close
business right away, take a step back and review each opportunity for
yourself, that is the only way you can make sure that nothing is
mousing.
"A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he set out, will
have condemned himself to second-hand thoughts and to second-rate
friends." - Cyril Connolly
The young salesman had just started his job as a sales clerk in an
Arkansas grocery store. One day a man came in and asked for half a
lettuce. "I'm not sure whether I can sell you half a lettuce," said the
young sales clerk.
"Why not?" asked the man. "I don't need a whole lettuce!"
"But I don't think I can sell you just half a lettuce," replied the young sales clerk.
"We're not getting anywhere," said the man firmly. "Go get me your manager."
"So the young sales clerk went to speak to the manager. "There's
some **bleep** out there who wants to buy half a lettuce." Just then he
was aware of the man standing next to him. Without missing a beat, the
young assistant added: "And this fine gentleman would like the other
half."
When the matter had been resolved, the manager had told the young
assistant: "I was impressed with the way you handled things back there.
You got yourself out of a tricky situation. Where are you from?"
"Minnesota," replied the young sales clerk.
"Why did you leave?" asked the manager.
"They are all just really ugly women and hockey players up there," exclaimed the young sales clerk.
The manager frowned. "My wife's from Minnesota."
"You don't say!" replied the young sales clerk. "Which team did she play for?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you have to be able to handle all sorts of situations.
But lettuce remember that situations with customers are the most
important. Always be respectful, and never assume that the sale or the
groceries are in the bag.
"Lettuce is like conversation; it must be fresh and crisp, so
sparkling that you scarcely notice the bitter in
it." - Charles Dudley Warner
