It was the worst winter in living memory. The successful
salesman was beginning to regret building his huge estate in the
mountains of Colorado. His home along with thousands of others were
now cut off by deep snow drifts. After three months with no contact
with the outside world, his home and along with his neighbors, became
the target of a Red Cross rescue mission. But for weeks even the Red
Cross rescue team could manage to force their way though to the
salesman's home which by then had been completely submerged in snow.
Finally after days of intense digging, the brave rescuers succeeded
in hacking out a path to the front door of the salesman's home. Not
knowing what they would find there, they decided to knock on the front
door first. The salesman answered the door.
"Red Cross," said the leader of the rescue team.
"Sorry," said the salesman. "It's been such a tough winter that I
don't think we can give anything this year. Besides I make it a
practice never to donate to any organization that solicits
door-to-door."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in sales you need to be active in your community. You can't
squirrel yourself away in a castle somewhere, never talk to anyone, and
expect to close big deals. Last, never forget the old saying, "Charity
begins at home."
"The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and willing service."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
A salesman came home from work and noticed that his father seemed
to be avoiding his grandchildren. "What's the problem?" asked the
salesman. "Normally you love playing with them."
The old man whisked a medicine prescription bottle from his pocket and said: "Read the label. That's why!"
The salesman took the bottle and read the label: "Take two pills a
day, one in the morning, and one in the evening just before going to
bed. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales one has to be a people person. You need to go
out and talk with your customers and prospects in order to get to know
them and their business. This type of face-to-face communication
demands an outgoing personality. You either have it or you don't. If
you're shy and prefer staying indoors in front of a computer screen,
perhaps sales isn't the career for you. It's not like you can order up
a prescription to provide you with the courage you'll need to be
successful.
"To become a thoroughly good man is the best prescription for keeping a sound mind and sound body." - Francis Bowen
It was a beautiful fall day and a salesman and his son were busy
raking leaves off of the lawn. The young boy stopped raking when he saw
an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
"Dad, I bet I can put that worm back into its hole."
"I'll bet you 5 dollars you can't," the salesman replied. "It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that hole. You won't be able to do it."
The boy smiled, went into the house and came back with a can of
hairspray and he then sprayed the worm until it was straight and stiff.
Then he simply stuffed the worm back into its hole.
The salesman smiled, gave his son 5 dollars, picked up the can of
hairspray and trotted indoors with a smile on his face. Thirty minutes
later he came back outside and gave his son another five dollars.
"But Dad, you already gave me 5 dollars."
"I know son. That five dollars is from your mother."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales they have to be observant. Having the ability to
spot someone using something in a new way that you can adapt and profit
from is key to growing your revenue or could just lead to increased
customer satisfaction.
"The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese."
- Jeremy Paxman
When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the sales manager called in a local repair service.
The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the
sales manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning. The tech
suggested that someone might try reading the operator's manual and
perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the
work.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the sales manager asks, "Does your boss know you are discouraging business?"
"Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers. After
people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more
money on the additional repairs.”
Moral of the Story. True Sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to cultivate repeat business over the
long haul. Never make the mistake of offering your prospects massive
upfront discounts if they buy more product or services than they need
right away. Often times you'll end up leaving revenue on the table
that would have been coming your way anyway. Make sure that the only
thing you're discounting isn't your future. Margins come to those with
patience.
"In everything truth surpasses the imitation and copy." - Marcus Tullius Cicero
After working in sales for over twenty years, the salesman decided to
take early retirement and escape from the stresses of modern day life
by buying fifty acres of land in a desolate area of Vermont. His home
was totally isolated and, for the first six months, the only people he
saw were the mailman and the guy who delivered his groceries. Then one
evening, he was surprised by a knock at the door. Standing there was
this big Vermontan.
"I'm Caleb, your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. I'm
having a party Saturday night and I thought you might like to come."
"That sounds good, I'd like to meet some local folks," replied the salesman.
"Oh, but I gotta warn you - there's gonna be some heavy 'drinkin.' "
"Don't worry about that, I am retired salesman, I'd have to drink with clients every day!" replied the salesman.
"Oh, and there's going to be plenty of bacon too!"
"No worries, I am retired salesman. Pigs in a blanket, with bacon,
were mandatory at every trade show. I live to eat bacon," replied the
salesman.
"Oh, and there's going to be fighting."
"That's no problem, I am retired salesman. I can talk my way out of anything."
"Oh, there's probably going to be some naked goings on towards the end when things get outta hand."
"Great!", replied the salesman, "after six months of isolation, I'm up for anything!"
"Right, see you Saturday night then," said Caleb.
"One thing before you go," interjected the salesman. "Is there any theme to this party? What should I wear?"
"Wear whatever you want," answered Caleb. "It's just going to be the two of us."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales you need to be sociable. You need to be seen
at local social functions and parties so you can get a chance to know
people. Remember however, to watch your bacon intake. Since it's
the prized food commodity at any event, folks will be watching you
closely to see if you make a pig of yourself. Beware of those
individuals who keep trying to offer you too much bacon. They no doubt
have ulterior motives and are really just trying to grease your palm
now so they can get something from you later. Last, pay special
attention to your selection of the bacon you eat at these events. Go
for the leanest slices possible. At parties or social events you need
to be chewing the fat with other guests rather then gnawing away at a
poorly selected slice of barely cooked bacon all night. Your goal is to
sizzle, and no gristle.
"We have found that morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by
hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey,
to be preserved in cells." - William Taylor
Having gone to his executive assistant's apartment, the VP of
Sales was astonished to wake up and find that it was 3;00AM. "Darn!"
he exploded. "My wife will kill me!"
As he ran to his car, while throwing on his clothes and stepping into
his leather loafers, he was struck with sudden inspiration. So he
called his wife from his cell phone.
When he wife answered, he panted into the phone, "Darling, don't pay the ransom! I've escaped!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they have to have the ability to think on their feet.
Having the ability to think on your feet at 3am, means that you have
what it takes to make it at the upper levels of sales management.
"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."
- Abraham Lincoln
A salesman calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked
to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of
his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a great opportunity for
me to get that promotion I've been wanting. So could you please pack
me enough clothes for a wee and set out my rod and tackle box? We're
leaving from the office, so I will swing by the house to pick up my
things. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The salesman's wife this sounds a little fishy, but being a good
wife, she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend,
the salesman comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The
wife welcomes him home and asks, "Did you catch many fish?"
The salesman replies, "Yes! Lots of walleye, some bluegill and a few
pike. But why didn't you pack my new silk pajamas like I asked you to?"
"Oh, I did," she replies. "I packed them in your tackle box."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, telling the truth is important. If you lie to a
customer, you will eventually get caught. No matter how shiny the
reward, sales professionals don't use canned lines and they don't let
their credibility get hooked by temptation. They know losing their
credibility will cause their career to sink.
"Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes." - Don Marquis
Two salesmen are line at the company cafeteria to buy their
lunch. When they both pull out their wallets to pay, the first asks
the second. "Why do you have a picture of your wife in your wallet?"
"Well," says the second salesman, "during the day if I start to slack
off, or if I have a really bad call and I'm feeling a little down, I
take out my wife's picture for inspiration. She reminds me why I do
what I do, and I get right back to work. I see you have a picture of
your wife in your wallet too. Same reason?"
"No," says the first salesman. "I've got a picture of my wife in
there as just a reminder that in its place could have been a lot more
money."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales you need to share the wealth with those you do
business with. So butter up your clients by spreading the bread,
sharing the dough or giving them their slice. Don't be a crusty old
miser. Remember, you need to open up your wallet, before you can put
more in.
"He that displays too often his wife and his wallet is in danger of having both of them borrowed." - Benjamin Franklin
A 12-year old boy was walking down the street when a SUV pulled up beside him and the automatic window was lowered.
"I'll give you a bag of potato chips if you get in," said the salesman.
"No way, get stuffed," replied the boy.
"How about a bag of potato chips and ten dollars?" asked the salesman.
"I said no way," replied the irritated youngster.
"What about a bag of potato chips and fifty dollars?" quizzed
the salesman, still driving slowly to keep up with the walking boy.
"No, I'm not getting in your SUV!" answered the boy.
"Okay, I know - I'll give you $100 and a bag of bag of potato chips," the salesman offered.
"NO," screamed the boy.
"What will it take to get you into the SUV?" asked the salesman with a long sigh.
The boy replied, "Listen Dad, you bought the Hyundai Santa FE XL. You live with it!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, you need to know your target audience and position
yourself accordingly. Failure to take your target audience into account
before launching your product or service, and then pitching it, will
leave your sales career stalled. You probably won't even be given the
chance to pull away from the curb.
"It's a never ending battle of making your cars better and also trying to be better yourself." - Dale Earnhardt
A wealthy and very well dressed salesman arrived at his office to
fill out his monthly trip report. The dapper, extremely confident and
very dignified salesman left his Porsche with the parking attendant and
entered the building wearing his designer business suit. His shoes
clicked along the polished marble floor as he headed for the elevator.
The salesman picked up the paperwork, and strutted into his
well-furnished office, put down his fifteen hundred dollar briefcase and
sat down at his desk. He stared at the questions for five minutes, and
shook his head in disbelief. He looked again, and his shoulders dropped.
"I know I have no choice, but this is an OUTRAGE!" he said out loud.
Then with a sigh of embarrassment, he reached down, untied and pulled
his feet out of his highly polished $800 Brooks Brothers cap toe dress
shoes and then peeled off his black silk business socks as well.
The now barefoot salesman then stuffed the socks in the shiny, expensive shoes and dropped them in the garbage can.
A few minutes later, he shook his head again with frustration, slowly
untied his $150 Hermes silk necktie, plucked the matching pocket square
out of his suit pocket, unfastened his monogrammed gold cufflinks, and
slid his Rolex off his wrist. He threw them in to the garbage as well.
His silver tiepin and his paisley braces followed.
A moment
later, the salesman dropped his head into his hands and groaned. No
longer confident and dignified, he looked around furtively.
Then he angrily shrugged and stood up. He then stripped off his $2,000
navy blue pinstriped Armani business suit and his starched white shirt,
and folded them before stuffing them in the garbage.
The salesman finally sat down in his underwear and finished his work.
A colleague came in, looked around, saw the stripped salesman and his
expensive clothes piled in the garbage and was stunned. “Why did you do
this?” he asked in bewilderment.
The formerly well-dressed and impeccably groomed salesman angrily and wearily picked up the paperwork.
“Why
didn't’t you warn me about this? It says right here: Instructions MUST
be followed exactly! ALL questions MUST be answered in brief!”
Moral of the story. True sales professionals realize that in order
to be successful in sales one has to be prompt, efficient and brief.
One should never leave their paperwork until the end of the month. The
end of the month is for closing deals. Remember, you never want to get
caught with your paperwork pants down at the end of the month.
"If you wear clothes that don't suit you, you're a fashion victim.
You have to wear clothes that make you look better." - Vivienne
Westwood
A wealthy old salesman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa,
taking his faithful aged poodle named Experience, along for the
company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before
long, Experience discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a
leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having
lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down
to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the
leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was
one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing
this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says
the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile,
a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree,
figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him
heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something
must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the
beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young
leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop
on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now,
the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and
thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog
sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them
yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:
"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard!"
Moral of this story.. Never mess with
Experience! Age and creativity will always overcome youth and skill
burdened by managerial input. The ability to BS with brilliance only
comes with age and experience!
"Experience is not a skill. It is an attitude." - Ralph Marston
A young professional saleswoman went on-line to find herself the
perfect date. She was tired of wasting her time with her girlfriends at
clubs, at weekend resort getaways or at boring charity events where all
the "Mr. Rights" supposedly hung out.
So after registering her qualifications, adjusted optimally to secure
her someone worthy of course, she began to list the qualities she
wanted in her mate for life. She wanted someone who enjoyed water
sports, ate mostly fish no beef, liked company, favored formal attire
and was very small.
The on-line dating's site computer program operated flawlessly.
It sent her a penguin.
Moral of the story. As any true sales professional knows, there is
only so much one can do from your desk with a database and a web
browser. (Remember, it doesn't take much to have a great looking
web-page.) If you want to be successful in sales you need to get out in
your territory and meet people face to face. That's the only way to
make a real long-lasting connection and properly ascertain what's really
going on out there.
"What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken
and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a
penguin." - Dave Attell
The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena—his opponent had
sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking
and biting as furiously as he could.
But when his opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had no
choice but to give up, for now he was both unarmed and defeated.
After the match, as the gladiator's wounds were being tended to, a
reporter rushed up to him and asked: "What motivated you to keep on
fighting after all was lost? What prepared you to be able to handle
blow after blow and keep moving forward with your never say die
attitude?"
"Oh that," replied the gladiator, "that was nothing. I used to be in sales!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales they must never give up. They must never
settle. No matter how many nos they receive. No matter how many times
customers yell at them for something beyond their control. No matter
how tough and grueling the hourly battles become. A true sales
professional always believes that tomorrow will be a better day.
Tomorrow will be a chance to start anew, with one minor change. I now
have more experience.
"Anyone can train to be a gladiator. What marks you out is having the mindset of a champion." - Manu Bennett
The salesman and his wife had just moved to a new city. Both were
eager to meet people so they joined a local gym. The salesman had
scheduled a racquetball match for that evening, so his wife decided to
tag along and take in a spin class at the same time.
The salesman's match was going along smoothly. Since he was playing a
key contact for one of his company's largest accounts, he was holding
back just a bit to keep it close. During a break in the action he
turns to his prospect and points out his wife through the glass
partition that provided a view into the spin class area. Waving to his
wife, the salesman said, "There's my wife in the front row, she's the
thin one not the fat one."
After a slightly uncomfortable silence, the salesman's prospect
replied, "And that would be my wife in the front row, the fat one."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in sales they need to stay in great physical shape through
exercise. They also know that they need to exercise caution and use
tact if you absolutely have to speak about others. Never insult or
criticize others behind their back, even if it's just an off-handed
remark. You just never know who is listening.
"Business, more than any other occupation, is a continual dealing
with the future; it is a continual calculation, an instinctive exercise
in foresight." - Henry R. Luce
A little old salesman was escorted into the witness box. After being
sworn in, the judge asked him to explain what happened. The old
salesman began to discuss his day at work, and how things weren't going
well, and how he was getting irritated by constant phone calls from his
wife. As he rambled on, often incoherently, the entire courtroom seemed
to be ready to nod off. Finally he ended by saying, "And that's when
she hit me on my head with a maple leaf!"
"Surely a tiny little maple leaf couldn't have caused you any injury?" asked the judge.
"Are you kidding?" exclaimed the old salesman. "It was the maple leaf from the center of our dining room table that seats ten!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful, you must listen for small details. If you nod off while
listening to clients you might miss some important information, or they
could consider it rude. If it's at the end of the day, the customer could
just leave you there, asleep in their office, lock up and go home for the evening. Later when
you wake up and try to leave, you could find yourself stuck in an office
surrounded by hungry Doberman guard dogs, forced to relieve yourself on
an office plant, just to make it through to the following morning. Wood
you beleaf it or knot?
"Under the big political umbrella, a man is just
like a leaf in the ocean, with no control of his destiny and does not
have any choice." - Zhang Yimou
The salesman takes his German Shepperd to the vet and tells him, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So the vet picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?" exclaimed the salesman. "Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," replied the vet. "Because he's really, really heavy."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales, you need to be the one calling the shots when it
comes to your accounts. However, in order to be the one calling the
shots, you need to be the one doing the heavy lifting.
"Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize." - Elizabeth Harrison
The salesman's wife was in labor with her first child. Things were going pretty well. Traffic to the hospital was light. Their doctor had met them there on time. A room was immediately made available to her.
Suddenly however, the salesman's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" asked the salesman.
"Don't worry," said the doctor. "Everything's fine. She's just having contractions."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to be successful at sales their communication skills need to be flawless. True sales professionals go that extra mile and put in those few extra letters to let their customers know they mean business. And that is why true sales professionals never use contractions.
"Labor gives birth to ideas." - Jim Rohn
A saleswoman walks into the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
The pharmacist asks the saleswoman, "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
The saleswoman responds, "I need some to kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any arsenic for that reason!" says the pharmacist.
The saleswoman then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the photo and says, "Oh..... Why didn't you say you had a prescription."
Moral of the story. As a sales professional I'm sure you're already
aware that one of the prescriptions to a successful sales is documented
proof or evidence of any claims you may make to your prospects during
the sales process. Pointed, precise and graphically enhanced easy to
read materials, when introduced at the appropriate time, can overcome
the strongest of objections. Don't leave home without them!
"The need to understand prescription information can literally be a matter of life and death." - Andrew Cuomo
During a flood in a small town in Louisiana, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy.
As they were watching articles float along with the water, they noticed a baseball cap float by.
Suddenly, the cap turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, it turned around again and came back.
"Do you see that baseball cap?" asked the girl. "First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back!"
"Oh, that!" said the little boy. "That's my Dad. He's a salesman
during the week but on weekends he's just a handyman around the house
working on my Mom's "honey do" lists. Last night he promised mom that
today he would cut the grass come h3ll or high water!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in life, you need to follow through on your commitments.
Whether it is your sales quota at work or a promise to do something with
your kids, make sure you follow through. In business and in life your
word is your bond so if you want to maintain your kids' "interest" you
need to maintain your "principles."
"Commitment is a big part of what I am and what I
believe. How committed are you to winning? How committed are you to
being a good friend? To being trustworthy? To being successful? How
committed are you to being a good father, a good teammate, a good role
model? There's that moment every morning when you look in the mirror:
Are you committed, or are you not?" - Lebron James
Staying the night in a cheap hotel in a dead-end town, a salesman
was bored out of his skull. The hotel bar, always his first port of
call, was closed for renovations. There were no restaurants nearby and
the TV in his room was broken. The salesman resorted to looking in the
bedside drawer for some reading material, but all he could find was a
Bible. He opened the first page and a note fell out.
It read: "My son, if you are troubled by the demons of alcohol and
seek help in your darkest hour of need, you can always call on me and I
will be there to ease you pain and anguish. Don't be afraid to pick up
the phone and call me. I will happily listen to your temptations and be
as supportive as possible."
The note struck a chord, so, close to tears, the salesman picked up
the phone and called the number given. After a few seconds, a voice at
the other end of the line answered: "Harry's Liquor Store, we deliver."
The salesman disillusioned by the world around him, decided to catch
up on some sleep by just going to bed early so he call the hotel
receptionist for a wake-up call before drifting off to sleep.
The next morning the front desk clerk called the salesman at the
agreed upon time and asked: "What are you doing with the rest of your
life?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you just need to keep on making or taking the
next call. And then there are times when that next call is just a
wrong number.
"It's always a wake-up call to get beaten." - Usain Bolt
Two salesmen are talking. The first says, "I got married because I
was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and
wearing shabby clothes."
"Amazing," replied the second. "I just got divorced for the same reasons."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in sales they have to maintain a positive attitude. True sales
professionals know that two individuals faced with the exact situation
could have completely different results, based solely on having
different attitudes. The successful rep looks at a challenge and
thinks, "I'm just getting started!" While the failure looks at the same
challenge and thinks, "I'm finished."
"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." - Albert Einstein
A rich salesman and his wife are having dinner at a very fine
restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their
table, gives the salesman a big kiss, says she'll see him later and
walks away.
The salesman's wife glares at him and says, "Who in the world was that?!?!?"
"Oh," replied the salesman, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says his wife. "I've had enough! I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies the salesman. "But remember, if we
get a divorce, it means that you don't get anymore shopping trips to
Paris, no more winter excursions to the Barbados, no more summers in
Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht
club. The decision is yours."
Just then a co-worker of the salesman enters the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on on his arm.
"Who is that woman with George?" asks his wife.
"That's his mistress," says the salesman.
"Ours is prettier," she replied.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they sometimes face situations where long-term
customers threaten to leave. When these situations arise, keep your
cool, take emotion out of the equation and logically explain to your
customer the true costs of making a change. Many will choose to stay
with their current supplier rather than being exposed to worse with the
unknown.
"I don't think meals have any business being deductible. I'm for separation of calories and corporations." - Ralph Nadar
"Doc you gotta help me!" exclaimed the salesman. "My wife just
isn't interested in 'relations' anymore. Have you got a pill or
something that I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe...."
The salesman promptly cuts his doctor off after he hears the word
can't and says, "Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen
me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think, I can't concentrate; my
life is falling apart! You've got to help me!"
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of
pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental pills.
The tests so far indicate that they are very powerful. Don't give your
wife more than ONE, understand? JUST one."
"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold...."
"One. No more. I'd suggest you slip it into her coffee. Okay?"
"Okay, doc. Thanks!" replies the salesman.
After he expressed his deep gratitude to his doctor, the salesman
departed for home, where his wife had dinner waiting. When dinner was
finished, the salesman's wife headed to the kitchen to fetch dessert.
In fumbling haste, the salesman pulls the pills from his pocket and
drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates,
then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor
did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes: he drops one
pill into his own coffee to balance things out.
When his wife returned with the shortcake, the couple enjoy the
dessert with their coffee. The salesman can hardly contain his
anticipation as he carefully observes his wife for any physical
changes. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish their coffee,
his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily and a strange smoky
look enters her eyes. In a deep, throaty, near whisper, and a tone of
voice the salesman has never heard her use before, she says, "I ....
need.... a man!"
The salesman's eyes glitter, his hands tremble as he replies, "Me.... too."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to be in constant contact with their
customers and prospects. However, this communication must be done in
moderation. Too much of anything, like any overdose, can be a bad
thing, and can have serious unintended consequences on your revenue
numbers. Remember, we all know there is no prescription available to
make your customers buy from you. So you always need to closely
observe how they physically react to what you have to say. If you
observe any negative reactions, adjust your message accordingly, and
your chances of success will increase.
"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself." - Mark Twain
Two retired sales reps are sitting on a park bench, feeding the
pigeons and talking about old times. Uber-competitive throughout their
careers, they never lose an opportunity to "one-up" one another. Today
is no different.
"My arthritis is acting up again this morning," says the first sales rep. "I must be getting old. But I'm only 75!"
"You think you've gotten old?" asserts the second rep. "Wait till
you turn 76 like me! I've had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement,
and I've had three new knees. I've beat prostate cancer while fighting
type-2 diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a
jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts. I have bought of dementia, poor circulation
and I can hardly feel my hands or feet anymore. I feel like I have to
go to the bathroom, even when I'm going to the bathroom! I can't
remember if I'm 76 or 86. I've lost most of my friends."
"But, thank the Lord I still have my Florida driver's license!"
Moral of the story. If you're in Florida on business, forget the
rental car! Take a taxi and let the taxi company take the risk of
driving on those roads! While the cab driver does the driving, you
can just sit back and enjoy the view or get some work done. If a
senior citizen drives right into your vehicle, it's the cab company's
problem. It's their insurance that takes the hit. Bottom line. When
you're traveling on business, travel as light as possible and don't take
any unnecessary risks!
"All diseases run into one, old age." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The elderly salesman flattered himself that he was still a ladies' man and decided to flirt with the comely waitress.
"So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned.
"Actually, sir," she pointed out sweetly, "for the first thirty five years of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals, especially if they are
married, know, that it's not a good idea to flirt with prospects well
outside your target market. Narrow your prospect list down to those
individuals that may actually have a need for your services. Stop
wasting your time pitching everything you have to everyone you meet
without at least qualifying them first. Going right into your closing
lines without uncovering your prospect's needs or wants first, is just
plain unprofessional, lazy and will ruin your only opportunity to make a
great first impression. Bottom line? Keep your bottom in line and
think before you flirt.
"One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless." - Liz Smith
"I just buried my second wife," the salesman told his new executive assistant over lunch. "and I've vowed never to marry again."
"That's a shame," said the woman, "but you know - it does help to talk about these things. What happened to your wives?"
"Well," the salesman sighed, "the first one died after eating poisoned mushrooms, and the second one was shot to death."
"Shot!" the executive assistant gasped, "How horrible!"
"Yes," replied the salesman, "she wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales they have to be good conversationalists. Knowing
full well that more sales are lost and more careers crushed by talking
too much; true sales professionals never go around merely shooting their
mouths off.
"Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative." - Oscar Wilde
One morning while she's making breakfast, a salesman walks up to his
wife and pinches her on the buttocks, saying, "If you firmed this up, we
could get rid of your control top pantyhose." Even though she found
this statement on the edge of intolerable, the salesman's wife keeps
silent.
The next morning, the salesman wakes his wife with a pinch on her
chest and says, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of
your bra."
This time his wife has had enough. She rolls over, grabs his
privates with a vice-like death grip and says, "You know, if you firmed
this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and
your brother."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales they have to be in constant contact with their
customers. But it has to be an appropriate type of contact and at
appropriate intervals. If you fail to consider the process from your
prospect's point of view and become too critical or too persistent, your
actions will end up opening the door for your competition. Yes, all
deals need to be continually firmed up before they are closed. But do
so, appropriately.
"The essential elements of giving are power and love - activity and
affection - and the consciousness of the race testifies that in the high
and appropriate exercise of these is a blessedness greater than any
other." - Mark Hopkins
Having been invited to his friend's wedding anniversary party, the salesman asked what apartment he should go to.
"Go to the eleventh floor," his friend instructed. "Find apartment G
and push the buzzer with your elbow, and when the door opens, quickly
put your foot against it."
"Why such an elaborate plan, just to get into your place?" asked the salesman.
"Well," exclaimed the host, "you're not planning on coming empty handed now are you?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals pay close attention
to social convention. If invited somewhere to a party it's customary to
bring a fine bottle of wine, or a dessert, or if it's a special
occasion, a gift. Failure to do so, could result with you spending a
lot more time in front of your computer at home on weekends. With nothing to do but wait for the phone to ring.
"There is a kind of courtesy in skepticism. It would be an offense against polite conventions to press our doubts too far."
- George Santayana
A man is in court facing a charge of murder, and the judge says,
"You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
Suddenly, a salesman at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You j-e-r-k!"
The judge continues, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the salesman at the back of the courtroom yells out "You j-e-r-k!"
Angrily, the judge turns his gaze upon the salesman and says, "Now,
we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge
you with contempt! What is your problem?"
The salesman at the back of the courtroom says, "Fifteen years I've
lived next door to that j-e-r-k, and every time I asked to borrow a
hammer he didn't have one!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales it's always important to retain your dignity.
Yes there will be others who commit what you consider to be very
offensive acts and there will be some who derive pleasure by taking
cheap shots at you from a distance. But in either case, you must never
call them out on their bad deeds in public, for then, some of their bad
karma rubs off on you. Better to just avoid these negative lightening
rods altogether. Eventually their own lack of character will come
shining through and they will be held accountable.
"We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is
guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American
precept that each individual is accountable for his actions." -
Ronald Reagan
