It was nearing the end of the the quarter and the Vice President of
Sales sent out an urgent email asking his reps to email him a copy of
their latest updated forecasts immediately.
The salesman, who had been sandbagging a deal or two, decided to now
include the extra several hundred thousand dollars in potential sales,
look like a rock star, and take the opportunity to ask for a raise. So
he attached his file to the response email, but not before entitling it,
"Increase_my_pay."
A few moments later his email was returned, acknowledging the great
effort in drumming up new business. But there was no comment on the
file name or his likelihood of getting a raise.
It was then that the salesman noticed that his attachment had been
returned and the name of his file had been changed to, "Fat_chance."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that when it
comes to negotiating wage increases, it always pays to do it face to
face. Be bold and assertive, Letting management know that you are
going to be in their face until you are justly rewarded, will often work
in your favor. However, being meek and hiding behind file name changes
to get your point across, will never go anywhere. Those tactics are
too easy to get rid of, or ignore.
The same can be said for sales in general. Want to close a big
deal? Go out into the field and meet your customers face to face.
Make it impossible for them to ignore you. Or you can stay in the
office, send out a bunch of templated emails and hope that "Tinkerbell"
waves her magic wand and whisks you away to quota attainment. The
choice is yours.
"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it." - Henry David Thoreau
A salesman is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman rolls down her window and yells, "PIG!" at the top of her voice.
The salesman instinctively leans out his window and replies, "You
(insert your favorite, most appropriate expletive used in this situation
here) !"
They each continue along their way. And as the salesman rounds the
next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. His
rental car swerves right through the guard rail, hurdling down into a
deep ravine. A few seconds later, the car could be heard crashing into
the bottom of the ravine, killing the salesman instantly. A few seconds
after that, the rental car was consumed in a huge ball of fire.
The following morning, the local butcher had a super special on both fresh and smoked pork sausage.
Moral of the story. Sales professionals must develop a thick skin.
Just because you're in sales, prospects, customers, loved ones and even
people you don't even know, for no reason at all, will call you names.
Never lose your cool. As a sales professional you must never react to
an emotional outburst with an emotional outburst or your sales career
could go down hill and burst out in flames.
"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!" - Bob Marley
A small balding salesman stormed into a local bar and demanded, "Gimme a
double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so mad I can't even see
straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little salesman is a bit the
worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.
The salesman swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!"
The
bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why
don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"
So
the salesman begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this company that makes fancy goose down pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this
neighborhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now,
the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to
the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some
keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."
"Well,"
the woman says, "Oh no! It's my BOYFRIEND! He must have lost his
WRESTLING match today. He's gonna be REAL MAD! He won't believe that you
are just a salesman. Quick, HIDE!"
"So, I opened at the CLOSET,
but I figured that was probably the FIRST place he would look, so I
didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he's
bound to look there, too. By now I could hear the key in the lock. I
noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by
my FINGERS praying that the guy WOULDN'T see me."
The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED at this point."
"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, 'Tell me, who you been seeing now?'"
"The
girl said, 'Nobody, honey, now have a glass of water and calm down.'
Well the guy starts TEARING up the room. I hear him tear the door off
the closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I
didn't hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it
across the room. Good thing I didn't hide under there either."
"Then
I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the WINDOW?' I think 'Oh
boy, I'm dead meat now!' But the woman by now is trying real hard to
distract him and convince him to stop looking."
"Well, I hear the
guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water running for a long time, and
I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, when all of a
sudden the guy pours a pitcher of scalding HOT WATER out of the window
right on top of my head! I mean look at this! I got second degree burns
all over my scalp and shoulders!"
The bartender said, "Oh man, that would have made me real mad for SURE."
"No,"
the salesman replied, "that didn't really BOTHER me. Next the guy
starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look
at my fingers. They're such a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this
glass."
The bartender looks at the guy's hands and agreed, "Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so UPSET."
"No, that WASN'T what really made me upset."
The bartender then asked in exasperation, "Well, then, what DID finally make you mad?"
"Well, I was hanging there for hours, and I turned around and looked down, and I WAS ONLY ABOUT 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed in business, they must always know how much margin they have to work with. Not knowing exactly how low you can safely go, when dropping prices, can cause either your margins to take a beating or your ability to negotiate with customers, to become all wet. Don't leave yourself hanging. Always know your costs.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius
The college graduate was fully prepared for his interview with the
brokerage firm. His whole life, all he wanted to become was a stock
broker.
At the beginning of the interview, the sales manager asked him a
question about his extra curricular activities at university. The
graduate seized his opportunity to differentiate himself from the rest
of the pack, and spent the next ten minutes bragging on and on about his
school's championship run, his goal scoring prowess and his latest
successes in a local industrial soccer league.
The sales manager attempted to steer the interview back to the
graduate's job qualifications, so he asked, "So tell me about your
long-range goals?"
After thinking for a few seconds,but what seemed like a day or two,
the graduate replied, "Once I did manage to kick the ball in from
midfield."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that when sitting
across from an executive decision maker, the conversation is NEVER about
you. It's about them. Discuss their needs, their wants, their
plans, their accomplishments. You are secondary. Show them you are
prepared by asking them about recent developments or news items about
their firm. Show them that you have done your homework about their firm
before you suggest how you and your skills might help them become more
successful. Only before the interviewer fully discloses exactly who
they are looking for, do you begin aligning yourself to uniquely fill
that position.
"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson
A salesman walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on
the counter, and announces that the dog can talk and that he has a
hundred dollars he's willing to be anyone who says he can't. The
bartender quickly takes the bet.
The salesman looks at his dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"
The dog answers, "Roof."
The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."
The salesman says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees.
The salesman turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
The dog answers, "Ruth."
With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.
As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the salesman and asks, "DiMaggio?"
Moral of the story. Sales professionals know that if you want to
make your presentations successful you need to remember two main
things. First, you need to ask the right questions in order to move the
presentation in the direction you want it to go. Second, you need to
make sure that you give your audience more than what they expect. You
need to stand out and differentiate yourself from the competition. If
you just show up and throw up a similar canned speech they've heard
before, you'll be thrown out on your ear and your career will soon go to
the dogs.
"The entertainment is in the presentation." - John McTiernan
The Vice President of Sales of a large corporation suffered a heart attack, and the doctor
told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The VP of Sales went to a
farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the
farmer to give him some job to do.
The farmer told him to remove the dung from
the cows' stalls. The farmer thought that somebody coming from
the city, working their whole life sitting in an office, would take over
a week to finish the job. But, to his surprise the VP of Sales finished the
job in less than one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the VP of Sales a more difficult assignment. He had to cut the heads off of 500 chickens. The
farmer was sure that the VP of Sales would not be able to do the job, but by
the end of the day, the job was done.
The next morning, as most of
the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the VP of Sales to divide a
bag of potatoes into two boxes: one box for small potatoes, and one box for the big potatoes.
At the end of the day the farmer saw that the VP of Sales was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were
empty. The farmer asked the VP of Sales: "How is that you completed such
difficult jobs during the first two days, and now you cannot complete this simple task?"
The Vice President of Sales answered: "Listen, all my life I've cut heads and dealt with crap, but now you're asking me to make some real decisions."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals realize that in order to be successful at sales and keep their jobs, they can't act like a chicken or stir up sheet. Vice Presidents of Sales are experienced at dispatching both. What you want to do is place a pile of potatoes at the entrance to your office or cubicle, with two boxes and a sign that reads, "Place small potatoes in one box and large potatoes in the other. Whatever you do, don't leave a burlap bag laying around or you'll probably be sacked.
"The ultimate court of 'appeal' is observation and experiment.... not authority."
- Thomas Huxley
To celebrate his 50th birthday, the Vice President of Sales, who
was battling middle-age spread, bought a new convertible sports car. As
a finishing touch, he added a vanity plate with the inscription "18
Again."
When he pulled into the office parking lot with it for the first
time, he parked in a different spot so he could admire his new
possession, all day, from his office window. Life was good.
Moments later, the wind was let out of his sails and his ship of new
found youth crashed hard into the shore of reality when one of his
salesmen walked into the office and shouted: "Hey! Who owns the new
car with the plate "I ate again?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that you can't
influence a prospect's opinion of you with new possessions. In fact, if
during the course of a sale you sacrifice who you really are, just to
get the deal.... Is it worth it? Remember, only you control your own
personal brand every day. By your actions, your decisions, what you
say, what you think; you determine where you will be positioned
tomorrow. Don't let anyone else mess with your success.
"In less enlightened times, the way to impress women was to own a hot
car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own
hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks." -Scott
Adams
A down on his luck salesman, decided to change careers and headed to bus driver's school. When he graduated, his first assignment was the Sesame Street route.
At his first stop, he picked up a cow. When she got on the bus, she said, "Hello. My name is Patty."
He replied, "Hello, Patty. Since you are the first one on, you get your choice of seats."
She waddled on back and sat down. At the next stop he picked up
another cow. As she got on, she said, "Hi there. My name is Patty."
He answered, "That's unusual. The other passenger is also named
Patty. Why don't you go back and sit on the other side of the aisle and
talk to her. Maybe you have more in common than just your name."
She went on back and sat opposite the other Patty and struck up a
conversation. At the next stop, a little boy got on and said, "Hi! My
name's Leonard Keyes. I've got some special socks, See?"
The driver replied, "Those sure are special, Leonard. Have a
seat and we'll get to your stop real soon. As he was driving to the next
stop, he looked in his mirror and saw that Leonard had taken his socks
off and draped them over the seat in front of him, and was picking his
feet.
He called back, "Leonard! What are you doing?"
Leonard called back, "I've got bunions, and they're bothering me."
At the next corner, the driver stopped the bus, got off, went to a pay phone, and called the bus garage. "I quit!" he said.
The garage dispatcher asked why.
The salesman replied, "It's my first day on the job, and already I have 2
all beef Pattys, special socks, Leonard Keyes, picking bunions on the
Sesame Street Run!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales they need to be fully dedicated. From time to time other careers might some hold some appeal, but true sales professionals never lose focus. Because they know that if they do, one day soon their only closing question might be, "Would you like fries with that?"
"The world does not need tourists who ride by in a bus clucking their tongues. The world as it is needs those who will love it enough to change it, with what they have, where they are." - Robert Fulghum
To check the character of the prospective salesman, the Vice
President of sales says: "Let's assume you go to my house to pick up
some important papers, and you ring the doorbell. My wife invites you
in. She tells you that I won't be home for another two hours. What
would you do?"
The applicant hesitates, and then asks, "Could you let me see a photo of your wife?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know, that when being
interviewed, you need to show character, not be a character, to get the
job. Second, if you asked a question that is inappropriate, suggest
that the question is inappropriate, rephrase the question into an
appropriate one, and answer it. You will have given the interviewer an
out of a potentially embarrassing situation while also displaying your
ability to think on your feet and take control of an awkward situation.
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln
The other day the salesman was carrying a little box of small, shiny discs for his wife to sew
onto his suit. As he was going through the kitchen, the salesman dropped the box,
spilling its contents all over the floor.
The salesman's wife was putting away the dishes. She slipped on the shiny discs causing her to fall and break all of the plates she was holding.
The salesman's dog, named Opportunity, got so scared by the clatter he ran out the door and
onto the street. A car passing by almost hit his dog. At the last second
it veered. This caused the driver to lose control and he hit a tree in the salesman's front yard, knocking it over onto the salesman's house and new car.
It was a strange sequins of events.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, one needs to dress conservatively. There is absolutely no need to dress flashy in sales. So forget the sparkle and the bling or you could end up losing your home, your car and hurt your wife's feelings. Worse still, opportunity will run away from you. So remember, a wise sales professional always "tucks ego" when it comes to business attire.
"I always try to balance the light with the heavy - a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes." - Bette Midler
Two salesmen, Joe and Mike, were stranded by a winter storm and took
refuge in an old farmhouse occupied by a very attractive single woman.
In the middle of the night, Joe heard Mike sneak out of bed into the
woman's room. Joe said nothing about it until nine months later when a
registered letter arrived at his office. Clutching the letter, he
walked into Mike's office.
"Do you remember the night we were stranded by that snowstorm and you
sneaked out of your room to be with that woman?" Joe asked.
"Yes," replied Mike.
"You told her you were me, didn't you?" Joe demanded.
"Yes I did," Mike said nervously. "Why do you ask?"
"Because," Joe replied, "she just died and left me the farmhouse and a fortune! Thanks buddy!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that keeping busy,
making random drop by visits in the field, sometimes pays off big.
Remember sales is a contact sport. You must always leave your correct
contact information with prospects. Because you just never know,
someday, they might just have a need for your product or service. And
you wouldn't want that bluebird going to someone else now would you?
"There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact
with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts:
what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it." -
Dale Carnegie
While out visiting clients and dropping by on prospects, the farm implements salesman ran across a sheep that knew how to make butter and buttermilk. The farmer had no idea of the money he could make from the talented animal, so the salesman bought the sheep, reasoning that he would be able to generate some extra cash on weekends.
So, that weekend, the farm implements salesman set up a roadside stand and instructed the sheep to work her magic. Unfortunately for the salesman, traffic was very heavy and the sight of this
sheep making butter and buttermilk was so distracting, that naturally
there was an accident.
The police investigated the crash, and issued the farm implements salesman a citation for attempting to make an illegal ewe churn on a busy highway.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, you need to stay focused on the task at hand. Don't become sidetracked by some old yarn, about a sheep at the side of the road. Surely ewe have better things to do than reading this joke now don't you? So what are ewe waiting for? Butter get back to work!!! Or the only only thing "churning" around here will be your job!
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." - George Washington
A salesman walked into a bar and said to the bartender: "Give me a beer before the arguments start."
The bartender poured him a beer.
A couple of minutes later, the salesman said again: "Give me a beer before the arguments start."
The bartender poured him another beer.
A few minutes later, the salesman said for a third time: "Give me a beer before the arguments start."
Thoroughly confused, the bartender said: "Excuse me, when are you going to pay for all those beers?"
The salesman said: "There it is. Now the arguments start."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that arguments
accomplish nothing. Even when confronted with logic, irrational minds
sometimes cling to their initial positions merely to save face in front
of their colleagues. Other times information on new technologies, new
ideas or new ways of doing things will be automatically challenged by
those clinging to the way things used to be in an attempt to have
relevance. Don't waste your time on these dinosaurs. The free market
will drive them to extinction. Engage those companies and those
individuals who are progressive in thought and deed and who believe in
the merits of change. It is these individuals and organizations, that
embrace change, that will grow and become even more successful in the
future. Spend your time focused on such prospects, and your career
will grow right along with them.
"People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument."
- Will Rogers
Two salesman on a hunting trip were sitting in a tavern, arguing about who was the better
hunter. They decided to bet a tall glass of beer each that they could
kill and return with a killing first.
One took up his hunting rifle and went out, and the other got into a fighter plane, found a lion, and killed it no problem.
Forty-five minutes after the first hunter returned, the second
returned. In disbelief, he asked how he did it so fast. The first hunter
replied "Everyone knows that a strafed lion is the shortest distance
between two pints."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed in sales, you need to be a hunter, not a farmer. The shortest distance between you and your quota? Sorry, no fighter planes to take a short cut here. Nothing but hard work and a lot of cold calling will get the job done.
"You need to hunt something that can shoot back at you to really classify you as a hunter. You need to understand the feeling of what it's like to go into the field and know your opposition can take you out." - Jesse Ventura
A salesman was forced to take a day off work to appear in court
on a minor traffic charge. After waiting all day for his case to be
heard, he was finally called before the judge late in the afternoon.
But no sooner had the defendant stood in the dock than the judge
announced that the court would be adjourned until the following day.
"This is an outrage!" shouted the salesman.
Tired at the end of a long day, the judge rapped back: "Twenty dollars, contempt of court!"
Then noticing the salesman checking his wallet, the judge softened and said: "It's all right. You don't have to pay right now."
"I wasn't going to," replied the salesman. "I was just checking if I had enough money for two more choice words!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that at times our
urge to get the last word in can cost us a sale, an account or a
career. Perpetually needing to get the last word in, can lead
prospects to believe you care nothing for their opinion, or worse still
you can come off as rude or arrogant. Check your need to get the last
word in at the door, and a lot more doors of opportunity will no doubt
open up for you.
"So little done, so much to do." - Cecil Rhodes (his last words)
The salesman wanted to get into a night club with a few friends.
Unfortunately the dress code stated that without a tie he couldn't get
in.
His friends didn't have a spare necktie between them but one of
them said, 'Hey,I've got an idea. I have a set of jumper cables in the
back of my car. Tie them round your neck, tuck in the ends and you
should pass by the doormen.
On re-entering the club, one bouncer was suspicious of his
neck wear. On inspection, he relented as long as the salesman behaved ... and
didn't start anything!
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed, they need to pay attention to small details; like their ties. With neck wear, it's always best to be understated, fashionable, but never too loud. Remember, you want to be the focus of your prospect's attention. Knot your tie.
"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie."
- Rodney Dangerfield
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious
financial troubles. Coincidentally, while checking the church storeroom,
he discovered several cartons of new bibles. So at his Sunday sermon,
he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be
willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the
desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie
all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that
Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable
of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was
just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself
because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louis
stuttered very badly.
But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis,
the reverend decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them
away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them
to report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the
following Sunday which they did.
Eager to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked each of them how they made out selling the bibles.
Proudly
handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my
sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the 200 dollars I
collected on behalf of the church."
Paul, smiling said, "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to
give
the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28
bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars I collected."
Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents.
"What
is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's 3200 dollars in here!
Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to
door, in just one week?"
Louie just nodded.
"That's
impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional
salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we
could."
Curiously the reverend added "I think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know "f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"
"A-a-a-all
I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you
l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for
t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-justl-like
m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it -to y-y-you?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that there will
always be hurdles on the road to success. Determination and persistence
can overcome most obstacles. Stay focused and don't let anyone else
set limitations on your dreams.
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has
reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. -
Booker T. Washington
The salesman really hated his wife Patricia's cat. So he decided
to get rid of it for good. The salesman put it in the car and drove 2
miles away and dropped it off. Just as he pulled in the driveway, he
noticed the cat sitting in the entrance the porch.
The next day he decided he would take the cat 5 miles away and drop
it off. But again, the cat found it's way home. Each day the salesman
kept going further and further away, but the cat would always find it's
way home.
The salesman was so furious that he decided to take the cat even
further away, he turned right, then left, circled around, then right
again, another right, backtracked a couple of times, then left again. He
then dropped the cat off.
Several hours later he phoned Patricia, "Darling, is the cat there?"
"Yes," she answered. "Why?" The salesman replied bitterly, "Put that
flippin' animal on the phone. I'm lost and need directions."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they must know their own backyard better than
anyone else. Getting lost on your home turf is not an option. Stay
focused, and never be led by a stray.
"Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them." - Jim Davis
A salesman walks into a doctor's office and asks the doctor to inspect his leg. The salesman says, "Here, put your ear to my knee."
The doctor puts his ear to the salesman's knee and hears very faintly, "Come on, can I have five bucks, just five bucks?"
The doctor steps back in horror, and the salesman says, "I know, but
it gets worse. Put your ear to my shin." The doctor puts his ear to the
salesman's shin and hears very faintly, "Come on, can I have ten bucks, just
ten bucks?"
Once again, the doctor stands up, very perplexed. The salesman then
says, "If that surprises you, put your ear to my ankle." The doctor puts
his ear to the salesman's ankle and hears oh so faintly, "Come on, can I
have twenty bucks, just twenty bucks?"
The doctor then stands up and says, "Well, I can I make just one conclusion. Your leg is broke in three places."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to succeed at sales, they need to be able to quickly identify if things are broke quickly. If a prospect is broke, don't waste your time trying to selling them anything, because they can't afford to pay. If things at your company are broken, you need to establish if they can be fixed or not. If they can be fixed, is it worthwhile hanging around? If they can't be fixed, perhaps it's time to move on. And if you're broke, it's time to cut expenses and get a better paying job.
"Human beings will line up for miles to buy a bucket of catastrophes, but don't try selling sunshine and light - you'll go broke." - Chuck Jones
Mike and Bill, a salesman and a systems consultant, are hanging
out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in Northern Idaho. They have an
appointment with a local prospect the following afternoon. At that
moment a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.
"Good work," said the bartender. He pops open the cash register,
pulls out a wad of bills and counts them into the rancher's outstretched
hand.
After the rancher leaves, the salesman, Mike asks the bartender, "What was that all about?"
The barkeep says, "You boys mustn't be from around here. Haven't you
heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county
ain't done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn
varmints came onto my property and laid waste to my chicken coup. Old
man Miller down the road even lost four of his prized cattle to the
blood thirsty beasts! They are vicious, and they got no fear. They
gotta be stopped. So I'm offering a bounty of a hundred dollars to
anyone who brings in a wolf pelt.
Mike and Bill took a look at each other, and immediately race out of
the bar to go hunt wolves. After wandering around the hills for several
hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. The salesman
takes aim with his rented rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two
colleagues sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with
the pelt.
Suddenly Bill, the systems consultant says, "Hey Mike look!"
"Not now!" Mike says. "Can't you see I'm busy with a hundred dollars almost in my hands?"
Bill's voice starts to waver, "No Mike, look now! We've bitten off more than we can chew here."
Mike stops what he's doing and looks up. The two men are surrounded
by a pack of at least 50 wolves. Every one of them growling, drooling,
gnashing their teeth and licking their chops.
Mike the salesman takes the sight in and gasps, "Wow! We're going to be rich!"
Moral of the story. As a sales professional, if you find yourself
out in the middle of nowhere, chasing an opportunity that has nothing to
do with your company's core competency, and your system consultant
warns that you've bitten off more than you can chew! Listen to him!
There could be more than just your personal credibility on the line. It
could be your career!
"If you live among wolves you have to act like a wolf!" - Nikita Khrushchev
Seeing a homeless guy begging on the street, a woman took pity on him and gave him a handful of change.
"Thank you," said the homeless unemployed salesman. "Your generosity
is much appreciated. You know, my life used to be great but just look
at how low I've sunk now."
"How do you mean?" asked the saleswoman.
"Well," he explained, "I became a multi-millionaire by selling real
estate. I had bank accounts all over the world with hundreds of
thousands deposited in each."
"So where did it all go wrong?" asked the saleswoman.
The homeless salesman sighed: "I forgot my mother's maiden name."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be organized. Your digital
information must be organized too. Personal finances, legal documents
and your passwords must all be managed effectively and securely. It's
all part of life in the digital age. Adapt and thrive or don't change
and dive. The choice is yours.
"Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anyone else use
it and get a new one very six months." - Clifford Stoll
A famous salesman told the following story at a retail conference:
"There
was town out in the Old west that had two general stores. Harry, who
owned one of them was a workaholic. He opened early, stayed in the store
all day and closed late. Even so, he barely made a living.
Larry,
who ran the other store, came in at nine. At ten he went out back where
he kept some cattle, and made all the cows turn and face north. After
lunch, Larry went out back again and made all the cows turn and face
south. This practice was repeated every day.
Larry's store was successful and he became wealthy."
The speaker then asked his audience if anyone could tell what principle of merchandising was illustrated by the story.
A
guy in the back stood up and said, "That's easy. The point is if you
want to be successful in merchandising, it is important to rotate your
stock!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales, you need to be able to tell a good story.
People sometimes will not listen to things they are told directly. But
everybody loves and remembers a good story. Arm yourself with a few
that have morals designed to counter the most common objections your
prospects give you. Then watch your sales soar!
"Writing is an extreme privilege but it's also a gift. It's a gift
to yourself and it's a gift of giving a story to someone." - Amy
Tan
A salesman decided to take his client out for a night on the
town. To shake things up a bit they walked into a haunted house. The
salesman wanted to capture a picture of his client beside a ghost with
his new digital camera. After a couple hours, they finally saw one. It
was a friendly ghost who actually posed for the picture with the client.
The
salesman took the first picture, but it turned out too dark. So the
ghost posed for another one with his client, but unfortunately again,
the picture turned out dark.
The ghost had to go, so the salesman was not able to capture the picture he wanted.
It just ghost to show you, that the spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
continue to build more rapport and more business with clients, nights
out on the town often do the trick. If for some reason your client
gets a little bored or doesn't like the venue you've selected, don't
worry! There's nothing a few spirits can't fix!
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
- Albert Einstein
A young salesman was in love with two women and could not decide
which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When
asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and
the other made delicious pancakes.
"Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales, they need to compel their prospects to make a
firm commitment. If the prospect delays, chances are they are being
pursued by at least one if not several of your competitors. Always
find out exactly who your rivals are, and then carefully but
systematically "coach" your prospects through a thorough examination of
each of their remaining options. During these comparative
discussions, always remain calm. Never become bitter or terse.
"A relationship requires a lot of work and commitment." - Greta Scacchi
Two salesman stopped by a local theme park for lunch. They were
sitting outside eating at a table on an extremely windy day. The area's
custodian, the one who had the job of sweeping up debris, was a very
small woman who didn't weigh much, and she was having a rough time
trying to not be blown away.
One salesman joked with the lady,
telling her that she would have to put heavy rocks in her shoes when she
went outside to work.
The lady looked up and replied, "You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they must go the extra mile when diagnosing
prospects' problems and issues. Merely just stating the obvious without
fully understanding the implications of the problem or suggesting the
benefits of a well thought out solution to your prospect, isn't going to
get your prospects' attention. Second, make sure that all your sales
presentations to prospects have emotional impact! When it comes to
your sales presentation; you want your prospects to be blown away!
Without putting real effort into your presentations however, you won't
have a prayer.
"Our work is the presentation of our capabilities." - Edward Gibbon
A salesman goes into a bar and orders a beer. He takes a sip of the beer and a small voice says, "Nice Tie!"
The
salesman looks around and doesn't see anyone. A little puzzled, he
takes another sip, and again the voice says, "Nice shirt too!"
Now the salesman calls the bartender back and complains that every time he takes a sip of beer he hears a small voice.
"Oh never mind that!" replied the bartender. "That's just the peanuts! They're complimentary!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to be part of a great team. Sales can't
succeed alone. Marketing, support, engineering, finance, collections
and human resources all contribute to your success. Don't forget to
pay them at least compliment from time to time. After all, compliments
are free!
"Everybody likes a compliment." - Abe Lincoln
The salesman stood in front of the bathroom mirror, carefully
flossing his teeth. "Ooh!" he would sigh every once in a while, or
"Aaah!" as the little thread did its work.
Suddenly and seemingly without provocation, his wife stomped into the bathroom and gave him a swift kick.
Bewildered, the salesman demanded, "What was that for?"
"I'm sorry," his wife replied stiffly, ... "but I just don't believe in sighing flossers."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to be able to quickly build rapport with new
prospects. One of the easiest ways to accomplish this is with a smile.
When you smile, you want to make sure your teeth are sparkling, clean,
and all there. In order to guarantee good oral health and a healthy
smile you need to brush your teeth at least twice a day and floss
regularly.
"Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them." - Andre Maurois
Two new salesmen were sitting outside the large company's corporate clinic. One was crying.
"What's the matter?" asked the second new salesman.
"I had to come here for a blood test," replied the first.
"So, that's nothing to be afraid of," asserted the second.
"You don't seem to understand. For the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, the second salesman started to cry too.
"Why are you crying now too?" sobbed the first salesman.
"Because they called me in for a urine test," cried the second.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed in sales you need to be able to deal with cuts. Whether it's
your finger, your account base, your territory, your commission rate,
your base salary, or even your job; cuts are just something you have to
deal with. Regardless, cuts are nothing to cry over. Keep a stiff
upper lip, pick up your briefcase and carry on! Tears for Fears, may
have been a successful rock band in the eighties, but they're not going
to help your sales career.
"I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like
your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut
yourself out of stone." - Henry Rollins
A down on his luck salesman and his wife have identical twins.
But because times are so tough, they decide to give them up for
international adoption.
One of the two boys goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other son goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.
Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells the salesman that she wishes she also
had a picture of Amal.
The salesman responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, they must never forget the concept of uniqueness.
Even though some situations may seem to be identical, every customer has
their own unique circumstances, wants, needs and goals. Never forget
that. Never make a prospect feel that they're in the middle of a
cookie cutter sales process. They won't like the taste, they'll think
you're half-baked and they'll spit you out of their buying process
faster than you can say "chocolate chip." Hmmm... Think I'll get
myself something to go with this cup of hot chocolate.
"The two worst strategic mistakes to make are acting prematurely and
letting an opportunity slip; to avoid this, the warrior treats each
situation as if it were unique and never resorts to formulae, recipes,
or other people's opinion." - Paul Coelho
