A farm implements salesman was driving along a country road when he
saw a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field. The farmer wasn't
doing anything and appeared to be staring blankly at nothing in
particular.
"What are you doing?" called out the salesman. He wanted to make sure the farmer was okay.
"I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize," replied the farmer.
"How are you going to accomplish that?" asked the salesman.
"Well," replied the farmer. "I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales, they do have to be outstanding in their
field. They also know that success will never come to those who are
just out standing around. Want to be outstanding in your field? If
you want to get somewhere or accomplish anything of consequence in life,
you need to get moving. In sales, you need to be speaking with
prospects. If they are not beating down your door to do business with
you, you need to be going out to see them. So what are you waiting
for? Pick up that phone and start booking some appointments today.
"The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The
more efficient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use
your talent to produce outstanding results." - Tony Robbins
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Maria_Mountains
The female sales manager was having a problem with her sales team.
She was beginning to regret moving to Blythe, California and taking the
sales management job with a software company that had fallen on hard
times. But her turnaround plan had been accepted by the president of
the company. She was given the go ahead to hire six additional sales
reps for a grand total of 24. She had announced the first meeting of the
whole new sales team today right after lunch, at 1:15pm.
Unfortunately she was in the board room with only 21 members of her
sales team and it was already 1:30pm. Tardiness amongst her staff was a
problem she would have to deal with right away. Just as she was about
to go ahead with the meeting anyway, one of her truant salesmen
scurried to take his seat.
"What's the reason for your tardiness today Jeff?" the sales manager asked.
"My apologies Rhonda, but I was on top of Big Maria Mountains at lunch, and I lost track of time," replied the first salesman.
Just as the sales manager was again about to start the meeting, the
second of her truant salesmen, scurried in to take his seat.
"What's the reason for your tardiness today, George?" the sales manager asked with a little bit more tone this time around.
"Sorry, Rhonda, but I was on top of Big Maria Mountains today at
lunch and I lost track of time," replied George, the second tardy
salesman.
Now missing only one of her six new hires, Rhonda the sales manager,
was just about to kick things off, when a young woman she had never seen
before, scurried into the boardroom and quickly took her seat.
"Let me guess," asked the sales manager sarcastically, "Big Maria Mountains?"
"Well yes Rhonda," replied the new hire. "I'm flattered that you
know my name is Maria Mountains, but don't you think describing me as
big is a little inappropriate."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, they need to be punctual and present for internal
sales meetings. If you're late, you are showing disrespect not just
towards your sales manager but towards your fellow colleagues too.
Here's a thought, next time you are scheduled for a sales meeting, show
up a few minutes early, relax, and take some reading material with
you. Just make sure the reading material is appropriate.
"It's never to late to be what you might have been." - George Elliot
After twenty years, with a reunion just around
the corner, the salesman decided to track down his three best friends
from high school. He was shocked at what they had become.
Dave was an alcoholic who hasn't worked since 2004.
Ben was in prison for robbery.
However it was when he saw Tim that the salesman began to feel sick to his stomach.
Tim had an expensive sports car, a huge house, a cottage, a fantastic job and a really attractive wife.
"That's the last time I'm using facebook!" the salesman thought to himself as he deleted his account.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals
know that in order to be successful in sales, they need to maintain a
positive mental attitude. Being envious of others accomplishments can
turn a positive outlook on life into a negative one. Obsessing over
others successes while thinking they should have been yours, or asking
why others seem to be always getting the lucky breaks and you're left
out in the cold, is not going to bring success your way. Successful
sales reps don't have time for envy or jealousy. Instead, they focus on
what's important to them and they invest their time with laser-like
precision on projects that are important to their immediate goals and
their own future.
"The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch." - Jim Rohn
The salesman walks in to his doctor's office for his yearly physical
exam as he has done the same time every year that the can remember. The
doctor takes him through all of the motions, does the normal tests and
then leaves to get the results. After about 15 minutes the doctor
returns with a very sad look on his face.
"Well Doc, what kind of shape am I in this time?", the salesman asks.
"I don't know what to say. The news is bad. Really bad." says the doctor.
"What is it Doc?" asks the salesman.
"I hate to have to give you such bad news. I can't find the words to tell you. I really don't know what to say."
The salesman, being a strong man who appreciates straight talk, tells
the doctor: "Ok, don't beat around the bush. Tell me what you know. I
can take it."
"Well", says the doctor, "let me put it this way. I think that you
should go to Arkansas and visit the hot springs there for a nice
relaxing mud bath. Spend some time soaking in the mud."
"Oh, so I need to relax a little bit, eh? Will that cure me Doc?" asks the salesman.
"No, it won't cure you. And it won't help you relax. But it will help you get used to being covered in dirt."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales, they need to be able to diagnose exactly what is
ailing their prospects. Failure to determine what their real needs are,
what their wants are and what the return on their investment will be;
could end up burying your career.
"You've come into a hard world. I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave."
- Henry Ward Beecher
The salesman drove his brand new Ferrari over to his favorite
clothing store to pick out a brand new Italian suit. He parked his new
Ferrari outside and went in to do a little browsing before making his
selection. Nicole, his regular salesperson, and greeted the salesman
upon his arrival. She smiled, waved her long golden blond hair and in a
very flirtatious way asked, "And how may I help you today?"
"Just browsing for a few minutes today," replied the salesman.
"I'll give you a shout in about ten minutes once I've found something."
"Five minutes later Nicole came running over to the salesman crying
out, "Come quick! Come quick! Someone is driving off in your new
Ferrari!"
"Did you try to stop him?" asked the salesman.
"No, I did better than that!" replied Nicole. "I wrote down his license plate number!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to dress the part and drive the right car
just to get in front door. But once in front of the prospect if you
just jot down useless notes instead of working towards really solving
their problems, you aren't going to be getting to very far.
"If you have to lie, cheat, steal, obstruct and bully to get your
point across, it must not be a point capable of surviving on its own
merits." - Steven Weber
There once was a medieval village named Wasgij. This village was
being terrorized by a vile monster, the Medicrin. Each night, the
Medicrin would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the
villagers. The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool
their money together to hire the great salesman Erik. Erik claimed
that his consulting services and customized solutions could solve any
problem.
So, as any good sales rep does, Erik came and listened to the
complaints of the villagers. He consulted with his technical expert of
Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins love to eat loons. So Erik,
the salesman, hunted high and low to find a loon. He found one, captured
it, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. He then had the
villagers dig a deep pit. Erik threw the loon into the pit, hoping to
capture the Medicrin, and slay it.
That night, the Medicrin came... It smelled the loon... But it
also smelled DANGER, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on
the way out. After calming the villagers, the next day, Erik, the
salesman again consulted with his technical expert of Vile Monsters, and
learned that Medicrins also love sugar. So Erik gathered up all of the
sugar in the village, and threw it into the pit. The loon, not having
eaten in days, devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp. Erik, the
salesman, was struck with panic, and ran to and fro trying to figure
out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin would be
there soon, so Erik crossed his fingers, and hoped for the best.
That night, the Medicrin came... It smelled the loon... It
smelled danger... But it also smelled the sugar, and the Medicrin dived
into the pit, and devoured the loon. And the villagers swarmed over the
Medicrin, and slew it.
Moral of the story. "A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go
down." Ok, seriously folks, the real moral of this story, if the
prospect you're hunting is hanging back because they are afraid to move
forward just try sweetening the deal a little and you'll have him bagged
in no time. Remember too, that when trouble arises, true sales
professionals consult with experts to solve the problem; while mere
villagers panic, light torches, gather pitchforks and charge at whatever
appears to be the enemy of the day. So the next time trouble arises,
ask yourself, "Are you a villager or are you a sales professional?"
"The internet is becoming the town square for the global village of tomorrow."
- Bill Gates
His wife became increasingly annoyed by the fact that the
salesman was repeatedly home late from work. Every night he promised
faithfully that he would be home in time for dinner but something always
arose to keep him at the office later than planned. Consequently,
night after night, she ended up throwing his dinner away. Eventually
she got so mad that she issued the salesman with an ultimatum. "Tonight
you get home at six o'clock sharp or it's the last meal I ever cook for
you."
The salesman was worried. He loved his wife dearly but couldn't help
working late. After all, times were tough and business was business.
But he decided to make a real effort to get home on time for once. So
he closed the office an hour early and set off to catch the bus. But,
as he crossed the street, he was struck down by a car. He was rushed to
the hospital but his injuries turned out to be minor and he was
discharged shortly afterwards. Nevertheless, the delay meant that it
was 8 o'clock before he arrived home.
The salesman's wife was raging. "What time do you call this?" she boomed. "You PROMISED me you'd be home by six!"
"Darling, I can explain," assured the salesman. "I know I'm two
hours late, but I was run over by a car and had to go to the hospital."
"So what?" she replied. "It takes you two whole hours to get run over?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be punctual for appointments.
Generally speaking, people who are waiting for you, don't want to hear
why you are late. They don't care! The only thing that matters to them
is that you were inconsiderate of the their time and their schedule.
Want to lose customers, friends, and annoy relatives? Habitually show
up late.
"Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues; always insist on it in your subordinates." - Don Marquis
The salesman was having trouble sleeping. It had been going on for
two weeks. He was feeling tired all the time and his lack of focus was
beginning to affect his work. He sold appliances in a local department
store. It got so bad, in fact, that at risk of losing his job, he
decided to go see a psychiatrist to help him with his problem.
After the salesman described his chronic inability to sleep, the
psychiatrist asked, "Is there anything bothering you? Usually anxiety
or unresolved issues in one's life can cause you to lose sleep."
The salesman replied, "Well Doc, every time I see pennies, nickels,
dimes and quarters I nearly have a panic attack! What's my problem
Doc?"
"Oh, that's an easy one," the psychiatrist replied. "You're just afraid of change."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to be adaptable to change at all
times. Success favors those who can react to changes in the
marketplace faster than their competition. If you get stuck in your
ways using outmoded methods, and outdated technology, you'll soon be out
of business.
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often." - Winston Churchill
To be perfectly blunt, the office receptionist could be a real
witch. She'd been there over 20 years and lorded over the place like
she owned it. On the first day it snowed this season, she went as far
as to order one of the salespeople to warm up her car for her. Much to
everyone's surprise, the salesman agreed.
A few minutes later the salesman came back holding a broom. Placing
it over the heating vent, he told her loud enough for the entire sales
department to hear, "Just give it a minute and it'll be ready to go!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you have to be able to get along with some
pretty gruff personalities. One proven method of softening such tough
people up a bit is to use humor. If used properly, humor can deflect
others anger or rage often resulting in more appropriate interactions.
"People like to talk more than they like to act. They like to sit
there and complain and vent. Somehow they think that changes things.
Which it doesn't." - James Patterson
A Vice President of Sales arrives back home after Bring Your
Daughter to Work Day. The little girl says, "Daddy, why do you call your
assistant a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man
explains, "Well, honey, it's a term of affection. She's very
hard-working, and Daddy appreciates her efficiency."
"Oh," says his little girl, "I thought it was because she closes her eyes when you lay her down across your desk."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that displaying
your doll collection at work is never a good thing. It's going to
eventually get you in trouble one way or the other.
"Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy: the doll to
the child, the child to the woman, the woman to the man, the man to the
devil!" - Victor Hugo
The salesman was at the bar after work drowning his sorrows. An
old friend he hadn't seen for years, sat down on the barstool next to
the salesman and ordered them a couple of beers. They had made small
talk for about 5 minutes before the old friend asked the salesman about
his wife.
"I'm afraid," replied the salesman, "that I lost my wife in a fire."
The friend's features clouded over. "I'm sorry for your loss. How did it happen?"
"Well," said the salesman, we were eating lamb flambé when the plate overturned on her dress."
"Oh my goodness," replied the old friend, "you mean she burned to death? That's just terrible."
"Oh no," replied the salesman. "The fire fighters arrived on
time. She left with one of them and I haven't heard from her since."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to pay special close attention to
prospects or customers who may be a little upset. Ever hear that old
saying, 'Where there's smoke, there's fire?' True sales professionals
know that where there's fire, there's competition!
"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns all clean."
- Maya Angelou
It was Monday morning at the breakfast table and the salesman and
his wife found themselves for some reason, talking about reincarnation.
"What exactly is reincarnation?" the salesman asked.
"It's when you die, you come back as something completely different,
based on what you have done with your last life," his wife explained.
"So," the salesman suggested, "I could come back as a pig?"
The salesman's wife sighed wearily, "You're not listening to me at all, are you?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to be able to listen attentively and be a
great conversationalist. The last thing you need is for your customers
and prospects to think that when it comes to simple conversation, you're
nothing but a boar.
"The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out." - Voltaire
The salesman was sitting at the clubhouse bar, thinking about his
latest extra-marital affair. Absent-mindedly, he began thinking aloud:
"Not worth it, never as good as you hoped. Expensive, it messes with
your mind and it's not fair on the wife."
Overhearing this, a friend sitting nearby leaned over and said: "Come on, man, you knew what to expect when you took up golf."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to plan for the future and work in the
present. Lamenting about the past changes nothing. Don't waste your
today worrying about your past times.
"The sportsman knows that a sport is a recreation, a game, an
amusement, and a pastime, but his eyes are fixed on a higher goal, on
the most important thing in his life, which is his education or his
vocation." - Avery Brundage
Some newly married friends are visiting the recently married salesman
and his wife when the topic of children comes up. The salesman's wife
says she wants three children while the young salesman says two would be
enough for him.
They discuss the discrepancy for a few minutes until the salesman
decides to put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second
child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, his young wife retorts, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to be great at negotiations. Taking a firm
stand, or making an ultimatum, too soon in any negotiation process,
without first being willing to compromise, could spell disaster for your
deal. Contrary to popular belief, married sales professionals, male or
female, will outsell their single counterparts, in a complex sales
situation, because of their superior ability to compromise and
negotiate. The more complex and stressful the sales process, the more
real life experience plays a factor.
"Let us move from the era of confrontation to the era of negotiation." - Richard M. Nixon
The salesman was driving to work on the Interstate. As he was
zipping along in the passing lane, he couldn't help notice a woman in
her brand new Mustang doing only about 65 or 70 miles an hour to his
right. There she was with her face up to her rear view mirror putting
on her eyeliner! The salesman looked away for a couple of seconds, and
when he looked back at her again she was halfway over in his lane and
still working on that makeup!
Well, as a man, this sight scared the salesman so badly that he
dropped his electric shaver, which knocked the doughnut out of his other
hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using
his knees on the steering wheel, the doughnut knocked the cell phone
away from his ear, causing it to fall into the cup of coffee between his
legs. The following splash burns him in a sensitive spot, ruining his
phone while disconnecting him from a very important call!
"Lousy women drivers!", the salesman thinks to himself.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be able to focus on the few tasks
that will really have an impact on your work day. True sales
professionals also know that if they are traveling by car they need to
stay focused on the one thing that matters, their driving. This will
make sure that they don't have a major impact, enabling them to arrive
safe and alive at their chosen destination. Drive safe everyone and
enjoy the holiday weekend.
"Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin
A saleswoman is driving her little girl to a friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"Okay," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's
license. It is like a report card. It has everything on it!"
Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are: you are 32!"
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," her little daughter announces triumphantly, "I know why you and Daddy got a divorce."
"Oh, really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Well," replies her little angel now whispering, "you got divorced from Daddy because you got an F in s-e-x."
Moral of the story. Actually two morals to today's joke. First,
true sales professionals know that in order to succeed in sales they
need to 'control' the conversation through the power of their
questioning. They also realize that they have to pace their questions
out and interact with their prospect. Don't just 'drill' them with
questions. You do not want to turn a pleasant conversation into an
uncomfortable interrogation. Second, true sales professionals
understand and leverage the power of public information records.
Knowledge is power when it comes to negotiations or dealing with
difficult individuals. Leave no stone unturned.
"If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The
only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of
knowledge, experience, and ability."
- Henry Ford
A salesman has traveled to Washington DC to close a big deal. He
arrives a day early so he has time to practice his presentation the
night before. After booking into his room at the Watergate Hotel,
paranoia overcomes him. The competitive situation of the big deal he
is working on, has him concerned. He asks himself, "What if this room
is still bugged?"
So he decides to do a comprehensive sweep of the room before he
practices his presentation. He looks behind the drapes, behind the
pictures, and under the rug. Finally he says "Aha!" Under the rug is a
small disc with four screws. He gets out his Swiss army knife,
unscrews the screws and throws them and the small disc out the window.
Now at ease, he settles down to practice his presentation.
The next morning as he was checking out at the front desk, the hotel
manager asks the salesman, "How was your room? How was the service?
How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"
The salesman, who was in a bit of a rush to get to his appointment, replied, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"
The hotel manager answered, "Well the couple in the room underneath
yours complained that their chandelier fell on them last night."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to stay calm while traveling. Feeling
rushed, worried or even scared while traveling, or getting sick from
bad food, can cause you to lose sleep, and lose focus on the task at
hand. You want to be at your best and brightest when in front of
prospects and customers; so don't cheap out on your travel budget.
Stay at well known hotel chains where quality standards are maintained,
and take the time to eat right when on the road. Don't overdose on
fast food or settle for a local greasy spoon because it's close and
cheap. The health and well-being of your commission check is nothing
to skimp out on.
"There is a do-it-yourself test for paranoia: you know you've got it
when you can't think of anything that's your fault." - Robert M.
Hutchins
A sales manager drove his car into a ditch on a quiet country lane. Fortunately a farmer passed by with a horse.
"Could you pull my car out of the ditch?" asked the sales manager.
"Buddy's a big strong horse," said the farmer. "We'll see what we can do."
The farmer hitched Buddy up to the car and said: "Pull, Bruiser,
pull." Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer said, "Pull, Troy,
pull." Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer said, "Pull,
Sampson, pull." Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer said,
"Pull, Buddy, pull." And Buddy effortlessly pulled the car out of the
ditch.
The sales manager was grateful but mystified. "Tell me, why did you keep calling your horse by the wrong name?"
"Ah, well," said the farmer, "you see, Buddy is blind. And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Moral of the story. True professional sales managers know that in
order be successful at sales within their region, they need to build and
maintain a true sense of teamwork between the reps. As a professional
sales manager, gone are the days where you could just bark out orders
at the beginning of a quarter and tally the results at the end of the
quarter, yelling at the underachievers along the way. In order to be
successful, you must be like the farmer. You must know the individual
capabilities and work traits, strengths and weaknesses, of every member
of your team. You must provide them words of encouragement and positive
reinforcement when assigning tasks that you already know are well
within their reach. Last and most important, you must always do
whatever it takes to make each individual feel that they are a vital
part of your team. In today's working world, lone wolves do not survive
very long on their own.
"Teamwork is so important, that it is virtually impossible for you to
reach the heights of your capabilities or make the money you want
without becoming extremely good at it."
- Brian Tracy
A young stockbroker was unwinding in a bar after a hard day's
work. He was in the mood for a bit of fun so he announced: "If anyone
can drink 20 pints of Guinness, I'll give them 150 dollars."
The bartender lined up the 20 pints on the bar, but there were no
immediate takers. Without saying a word, one man got off his tool,
popped out of the bar, came back a few minutes later and declared that
he could drink all 20. And to everyone's amazement he did.
The stockbroker handed over the money and asked the man where he had popped out to.
"Well," he said, " I first had to go over to the bar next door to make sure I could do it!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to make sure they rehearse their performance
before going live. Role play is one way to accomplish this. Role
play allows the true sales professional an opportunity to sharpen their
presentation, boost their close ratio and their confidence.
"A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood." - George S. Patton
A salesman came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a fancy new bike.
"Where did you get the money for that?" asked the salesman. "That bike must have cost close to $500!"
"I earned it hiking," replied his son.
"Come on son, tell me truth. Nobody gets that sort of money hiking. Where did you really get the cash?"
"I'm not lying dad," said the salesman's son. "Every night while you
were away, Mr Smith the bank manager would come over to see Mom. He'd
give me $50 each time, and tell me to take a hike."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to stay in top shape. By doing so, you'll be
able to increase your endurance in order to work at peak productivity
all day long. Sports like hiking and biking can be enjoyed for very
little money. So there's no excuse for not getting that rubber hitting
the road as soon as possible.
"Truth be told, I'm much more comfortable in a pair of hiking boots
or with a rack of climbing gear than in front of a
laptop." - Mark Udall
