Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Sales Joke of the Day (October 23) And That's When The Fight Started.

During the week, life for a salesman can be tough off the job too.   Here’s just a few vignettes from a week in the life of a typical salesman.


That evening the salesman and his wife were watching ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’ while they were in bed before drifting off to sleep.  The salesman turned to his wife and asked, “Do you want to fool around?”

“No,” she responded.

The salesman then asked, “Is that your final answer?”

Without taking her eyes off the TV, the salesman’s wife responded, “Yes.”

“Well,”  responded the salesman.   “If that’s the case, I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started.


The salesman and his wife both had a hard day at work, so the salesman decided to take his wife out to a nice restaurant for a change of pace.  The waiter for some reason took the salesman’s order first.

“I’ll have a sixteen ounce New York cut steak, very rare please,” stated the salesman.

The waiter replied in slightly broken English, “Aren’t you afraid of the mad cow?”

The salesman was so tired, his talking filter must have disengaged, when he replied, “Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started.


The salesman’s wife sat down on the couch next to the salesman as he was flipping through the channels. She asked, “What's on TV?”

The salesman replied, “Dust.”

And that’s when the fight started.


The salesman’s wife was hinting about what she wanted for their upcoming wedding anniversary.

She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.”

The salesman asked, “How about a bathroom scale?” 

And that's when the fight started.


The salesman and his wife were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

The salesman asked her, “Do you know him?”

 “Yes,” she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend.  I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.” 

“My gosh!” said the salesman.   “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

And that's when the fight started.


The salesman’s wife started to get dressed in the bathroom and while she was almost naked and obviously not happy with what she saw, she exclaimed, “I feel horrible.  I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

“Well,” the salesman replied.  “Your eyesight is darn near perfect.”

And that’s when the fight started.


First thing in the morning, the salesman drove to the donut shop to get he and his wife some coffee, donuts and bagels for breakfast.   But on the way, the car in front of the salesman braked for no apparent reason.   The salesman braked as hard as he could, but no luck, he rear-ended the car in front of him.  When the driver got of his car the salesman noticed that he was really, really short.   The salesman was trying to be politically correct.  So he tried hard not to think of him as a dwarf.

When the other driver walked back to the salesman, he looked up at him and said, “I’m not happy!”

At which point the salesman replied by asking, “Well, which one are you then?”

And that’s when the fight started.

Christmas Day

Even on a holiday, life is tough for your average salesman.  The year before, this salesman had bought his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as her Christmas gift.   This past Christmas, because of the negative comments from the year before, he decided not to get her anything at all. 

As the family was opening their gifts, the salesman’s mother-in-law asked, “Why didn’t you get me anything this year?”

“Well,” the salesman replied.  “You didn’t use the gift I got you last year yet!”

And that’s when the fight started.

Moral of the stories.     True sales professionals realize that in order to be successful at sales they need to get along with others.   They cannot afford the energy drain from fighting battle after needless battle.  That is why no matter how aggravating, frustrating, juvenile or obnoxious the other person can be, a true sales professional will bite his tongue and never take the bait.  When they do speak, it will be only after they have thought things through.

“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.”   -  Alan King