Some newly married friends are visiting the recently married salesman
and his wife when the topic of children comes up. The salesman's wife
says she wants three children while the young salesman says two would be
enough for him.
They discuss the discrepancy for a few minutes until the salesman
decides to put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second
child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, his young wife retorts, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to be great at negotiations. Taking a firm
stand, or making an ultimatum, too soon in any negotiation process,
without first being willing to compromise, could spell disaster for your
deal. Contrary to popular belief, married sales professionals, male or
female, will outsell their single counterparts, in a complex sales
situation, because of their superior ability to compromise and
negotiate. The more complex and stressful the sales process, the more
real life experience plays a factor.
"Let us move from the era of confrontation to the era of negotiation." - Richard M. Nixon
The salesman was driving to work on the Interstate. As he was
zipping along in the passing lane, he couldn't help notice a woman in
her brand new Mustang doing only about 65 or 70 miles an hour to his
right. There she was with her face up to her rear view mirror putting
on her eyeliner! The salesman looked away for a couple of seconds, and
when he looked back at her again she was halfway over in his lane and
still working on that makeup!
Well, as a man, this sight scared the salesman so badly that he
dropped his electric shaver, which knocked the doughnut out of his other
hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using
his knees on the steering wheel, the doughnut knocked the cell phone
away from his ear, causing it to fall into the cup of coffee between his
legs. The following splash burns him in a sensitive spot, ruining his
phone while disconnecting him from a very important call!
"Lousy women drivers!", the salesman thinks to himself.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be able to focus on the few tasks
that will really have an impact on your work day. True sales
professionals also know that if they are traveling by car they need to
stay focused on the one thing that matters, their driving. This will
make sure that they don't have a major impact, enabling them to arrive
safe and alive at their chosen destination. Drive safe everyone and
enjoy the holiday weekend.
"Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin
A saleswoman is driving her little girl to a friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"Okay," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's
license. It is like a report card. It has everything on it!"
Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are: you are 32!"
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," her little daughter announces triumphantly, "I know why you and Daddy got a divorce."
"Oh, really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Well," replies her little angel now whispering, "you got divorced from Daddy because you got an F in s-e-x."
Moral of the story. Actually two morals to today's joke. First,
true sales professionals know that in order to succeed in sales they
need to 'control' the conversation through the power of their
questioning. They also realize that they have to pace their questions
out and interact with their prospect. Don't just 'drill' them with
questions. You do not want to turn a pleasant conversation into an
uncomfortable interrogation. Second, true sales professionals
understand and leverage the power of public information records.
Knowledge is power when it comes to negotiations or dealing with
difficult individuals. Leave no stone unturned.
"If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The
only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of
knowledge, experience, and ability."
- Henry Ford
A salesman has traveled to Washington DC to close a big deal. He
arrives a day early so he has time to practice his presentation the
night before. After booking into his room at the Watergate Hotel,
paranoia overcomes him. The competitive situation of the big deal he
is working on, has him concerned. He asks himself, "What if this room
is still bugged?"
So he decides to do a comprehensive sweep of the room before he
practices his presentation. He looks behind the drapes, behind the
pictures, and under the rug. Finally he says "Aha!" Under the rug is a
small disc with four screws. He gets out his Swiss army knife,
unscrews the screws and throws them and the small disc out the window.
Now at ease, he settles down to practice his presentation.
The next morning as he was checking out at the front desk, the hotel
manager asks the salesman, "How was your room? How was the service?
How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"
The salesman, who was in a bit of a rush to get to his appointment, replied, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"
The hotel manager answered, "Well the couple in the room underneath
yours complained that their chandelier fell on them last night."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales they need to stay calm while traveling. Feeling
rushed, worried or even scared while traveling, or getting sick from
bad food, can cause you to lose sleep, and lose focus on the task at
hand. You want to be at your best and brightest when in front of
prospects and customers; so don't cheap out on your travel budget.
Stay at well known hotel chains where quality standards are maintained,
and take the time to eat right when on the road. Don't overdose on
fast food or settle for a local greasy spoon because it's close and
cheap. The health and well-being of your commission check is nothing
to skimp out on.
"There is a do-it-yourself test for paranoia: you know you've got it
when you can't think of anything that's your fault." - Robert M.
Hutchins
A sales manager drove his car into a ditch on a quiet country lane. Fortunately a farmer passed by with a horse.
"Could you pull my car out of the ditch?" asked the sales manager.
"Buddy's a big strong horse," said the farmer. "We'll see what we can do."
The farmer hitched Buddy up to the car and said: "Pull, Bruiser,
pull." Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer said, "Pull, Troy,
pull." Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer said, "Pull,
Sampson, pull." Buddy didn't move an inch. Then the farmer said,
"Pull, Buddy, pull." And Buddy effortlessly pulled the car out of the
ditch.
The sales manager was grateful but mystified. "Tell me, why did you keep calling your horse by the wrong name?"
"Ah, well," said the farmer, "you see, Buddy is blind. And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Moral of the story. True professional sales managers know that in
order be successful at sales within their region, they need to build and
maintain a true sense of teamwork between the reps. As a professional
sales manager, gone are the days where you could just bark out orders
at the beginning of a quarter and tally the results at the end of the
quarter, yelling at the underachievers along the way. In order to be
successful, you must be like the farmer. You must know the individual
capabilities and work traits, strengths and weaknesses, of every member
of your team. You must provide them words of encouragement and positive
reinforcement when assigning tasks that you already know are well
within their reach. Last and most important, you must always do
whatever it takes to make each individual feel that they are a vital
part of your team. In today's working world, lone wolves do not survive
very long on their own.
"Teamwork is so important, that it is virtually impossible for you to
reach the heights of your capabilities or make the money you want
without becoming extremely good at it."
- Brian Tracy
A young stockbroker was unwinding in a bar after a hard day's
work. He was in the mood for a bit of fun so he announced: "If anyone
can drink 20 pints of Guinness, I'll give them 150 dollars."
The bartender lined up the 20 pints on the bar, but there were no
immediate takers. Without saying a word, one man got off his tool,
popped out of the bar, came back a few minutes later and declared that
he could drink all 20. And to everyone's amazement he did.
The stockbroker handed over the money and asked the man where he had popped out to.
"Well," he said, " I first had to go over to the bar next door to make sure I could do it!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to make sure they rehearse their performance
before going live. Role play is one way to accomplish this. Role
play allows the true sales professional an opportunity to sharpen their
presentation, boost their close ratio and their confidence.
"A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood." - George S. Patton
A salesman came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a fancy new bike.
"Where did you get the money for that?" asked the salesman. "That bike must have cost close to $500!"
"I earned it hiking," replied his son.
"Come on son, tell me truth. Nobody gets that sort of money hiking. Where did you really get the cash?"
"I'm not lying dad," said the salesman's son. "Every night while you
were away, Mr Smith the bank manager would come over to see Mom. He'd
give me $50 each time, and tell me to take a hike."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to stay in top shape. By doing so, you'll be
able to increase your endurance in order to work at peak productivity
all day long. Sports like hiking and biking can be enjoyed for very
little money. So there's no excuse for not getting that rubber hitting
the road as soon as possible.
"Truth be told, I'm much more comfortable in a pair of hiking boots
or with a rack of climbing gear than in front of a
laptop." - Mark Udall
A salesman forgot to buy his wife her favorite flowers, anemones,
on her birthday. By the time he got to the florist's, all the shop had
left were bits of greenery. Nevertheless, the salesman decided to buy
the foliage and was pleasantly surprised when his wife expressed her
delight at the gift.
"With fronds like these," she exclaimed, "who needs anemones."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to have a strong network of friends that you
can rely on when times are tough and that you can party with when you
have something to celebrate. Fair weather friends are like leaves when
you have a fall, they tend to blow away. Rake them up and kick them
to the curb. Real friends are more like pine needles. Always
evergreen.
"Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get."
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.
A salesman and his wife were out shopping.
"Darling," said the salesman's wife, "it's my mother's birthday
tomorrow. What can we buy her? She hinted that she would like
something electric."
"How about a chair?" sugested the salesman.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful in sales, they have to look after their health. Did you
know that if you spend too much time just sitting in an office chair, it
could result in DVT or deep vein thrombosis?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_vein_thrombosis
DVT can cause death via blood clots and stroke. That's why true
sales professionals take a brief walk once an hour to keep their blood
flowing smoothly and their minds alert. They know that just this
little bit of activity will not only boost their productivty but will
boost their overall health as well.
"The discontented man finds no easy chair." - Benjamin Franklin
For weeks the salesman's wife had been hinting that she wanted
something with plenty of diamonds for her birthday. And the salesman
had replied several times: "Yes dear, diamonds. Got it!"
That Saturday, with several of her friends and relatives over to
celebrate her birthday, her special day, she was pleased to see that the
gift from her husband was a small nicely wrapped box. For the two
hours before dinner, during dinner and through dessert, the salesman's
wife confided to everyone but the salesman, that he had hinted to her
that he was going to get her something with plenty of diamonds this
year.
After dessert, the salesman's wife opened all the birthday presents
from her friends and relatives. She saved the gift from the salesman
for last. As she unwrapped her last present, her broad smile quickly
turned to a bitter scowl.
The salesman had bought her a deck of playing cards.
From that moment on, the salesman would never forget it was no
coincidence that each deck had 52 cards and each year had 52 weeks.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they must plan their work and work their plan.
Failure to look forward 52 weeks and plan out what you are going to do
each year to be successful is just asking for trouble. Just
'shuffling' from day-to-day doesn't "suit" the demands of a competitive
market place. You won't be able to win any big 'deals' by 'cutting'
corners when it comes to planning. So decide today to join the 'club'
of successful sales professionals who have the 'heart' that it takes to
dig in with their 'spade' and just do the work required to succeed.
For it's only those who choose to dig in, really dig in, who will be
lucky enough to strike 'diamonds.'
"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow
strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under
pressure." - Peter Marshall
A salesman for a major software company on the West Coast was
demonstrating the latest version of their search engine software at a
trade show. He was extremely proud of the fact that their search engine
was voice activated, and would respond to any question asked of it in
English. The salesman boasted that their software would be able to
answer any question it was asked. He promised that it would come up
with the correct answer.
While everyone else asked the computer questions about mathematical
problems and the circumference of the earth, one smart know it all
decided to show off by asking the software program: "Where is my
father?"
A few seconds later the Siri-like voice replied: "Your father is working in a bar in Chicago."
"Ha!" crowed the know-it-all. "This supposedly infallible search
engine is wrong. My father died over a decade ago. He's dead!"
The salesman was anxious not to lose face over this, so he came up
with a suggestion. "Perhaps if we rephrased the question, the search
engine would understand it better?"
So the know it all amended the question to: "Where is my mother's husband?" and waited for the reply.
After a few seconds the Siri-like voice replied: "Your mother's
husband is dead. But your father is still working in a bar in Chicago."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they have to be able to deal with all types of
customers and prospects, including the dreaded know it all. True
professionals have learned that know it alls can turn a sure deal into a
KIA. So it's best to just pass these prospects on to a colleague who
has time to waste, while you carry on finding real deals that can
close. What is KIA you ask? No, it doesn't stand for
know-it-all. KIA stands for killed in action.
"The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing." - Socrates
A policeman brought four salesmen before a judge.
"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.
"Gentlemen," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of
professional sales delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your
name and what you were doing wrong."
"My name is George," said the first salesman, "and I threw pearls into the pig pen."
"My name is Pete," said the second salesman, "and I threw pearls into the pig pen."
"My name is Mike," said the third salesman, "and I threw pearls into the pig pen."
"My name is Pearls," said the fourth salesman.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know to never throw
pearls before swine. In other words, never waste your time pitching
those who do not have the capacity to buy. Every moment you waste on
someone who is not qualified to purchase your product or service, is a
moment your competition has to pick off a qualified prospect in your
territory. So remember, concentrate on real decision makers. Leave the
low level tire kickers to your competition.
"The human race is intoxicated with narrow victories, for life is a
string of them like pearls that hit the floor when the rope breaks, and
roll away in perfection and anarchy."
- Mark Helprin
A salesman's wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so
drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."
Sure enough, the salesman lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few
minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at
the end of the bed. He turned to his wife and exclaimed: Hey, there
are six feet in this bed! There should only be four! What's going on?"
"Nonsense," replied his wife. "You're so drunk you've miscounted.
Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
The salesman climbed out of bed and counted. "One two, three, four. You're right you know."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to be able correctly interpret what the
numbers, on financial statements, are really saying. They also know
that at first glance, if the numbers don't seem to make any sense,
approaching them from a different perspective can often make things
appear more clearly.
"Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare." - Rene Descartes
A salesman decided to take his wife up North for an early winter
wilderness retreat. When they arrived at the campsite, a Canadian
national park ranger started things off with a speech. Really it was
meant to be a warning to the latest group of tourists about the danger
posed by grizzly bears. He said: "Problems can occur when people
unexpectedly stumble across bears. To avoid this, we advise hikers to
wear tiny bells on their clothing, like these, in order to warn the
bears of their presence. And always be on guard when you know bears are
in the area, particularly if you bear droppings."
The salesman asked: "How do you identify bear droppings?"
"Easy," replied the park ranger. "They're the only ones with the tiny bells in them."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to be hunting for new business, which means a
lot of cold calling and ringing a lot of new numbers. Sales
professionals make sure that when they mass telemarket, they do so with a
message of real value to a targeted set of prospects. True sales
professionals never just go around ringing for ringing sake. True
sales professionals realize that high random call volumes are no
guarantee of generating increased or any revenue at all. They know
better than to poke the bear.
"The act of bell ringing is symbolic of all proselytizing religions.
It implies the pointless interference with the quiet of other
people." - Ezra Pound
(And now you know where the phrase, 'Pound'ing the phones comes from.)
Two salesmen were keeping up their weekly tradition that they kept on
Sunday afternoon during football season. They would meet at their
local sports bar to watch one of the one o'clock football games on the
jumbo TV while they would enjoy a few beers and some chicken wings.
During the game they would be cheering for the various teams they had
bet on that week, and by halftime, most weeks, they would both be two
sheets to the wind. This put them in the perfect state of mind,
drunken regret, to take part in their weekly halftime discussion about
life and marriage.
The first salesman started in with, "Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's degree."
"And a woman gains her Masters!" added the second.
"You know sport, I've always admired how you never refer to your wife
by her first name. Instead you always use pet names like Sugar, Honey,
Kitten or Sweetie. I think that is so sweet, sweetie! Using all
those terms of endearment shows just how much you care about her,"
declared the first salesman.
"To tell you the truth," replied the second. "I forgot her real name
three years ago and have just been covering up ever since!"
As the football game was ready to get started again with the second
half kick-off, the first salesman took another swig of beer and this
time more quietly said, "My wife's an angel."
At that point the second salesman gestured a toast with his beer
bottle to the first and exclaimed, "You're lucky - mine's still alive!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales you need to be able to unwind and relax on the
weekend. One great way to unwind is to get together and play an
organized team sport like football, with friends and/or business
associates. If such a venue is not an option for you in your immediate
area, exercising your right elbow and your freedom of speech at a local
pub, while just watching a game of football, is a good alternative.
"Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family." - Bo Bennett
A salesman took his wife deer hunting for her first time. He
explained that the most important thing was to claim your kill
immediately, before anyone else could. After the instructions they each
went off to their own hunting boxes and waited for deer. Soon the
salesman heard his wife's gun go off. Keen to make sure she staked her
claim to the kill, he rushed outside and found her involved in a bitter
argument with another man.
"This is my kill," insisted the salesman's wife. "I can prove I shot this animal!"
"Okay, lady," said the other man, realizing she wasn't going to back
down. "But do you mind if I take my saddle off your deer before you
haul it away!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they must know exactly what they are hunting. Losing
focus and taking aim at random targets won't help you bag your quota.
"Searching is half the fun: life is much more manageable when thought
of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise
party." - Jimmy Buffett
The librarian was fast asleep at three o'clock in the morning
when the phone rang. The salesman on the other end of the line
asked: "What time does the library open?"
"Nine o'clock." replied the librarian bleary-eyed." "And what's the
idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question
like that?"
"Not until nine o'clock?" asked the salesman, disappointed.
"No, not until nine o'clock!" repeated the librarian angrily. "Why do you want to get in before nine o'clock anyway?"
"I don't want to get in," replied the salesman. "I want to get out!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales not only do they have to make a lot of calls; but the
calls they make need to at the right time of the day and the call needs
to be of value to the prospect. If you consistently call at the wrong
time of the day, asking the same old question like, "Are you ready to
buy yet?" the prospect will just consider you annoying rather than
considering you for their business. If you aren't adding any value to
the situation, you'll never be able to get into the account; instead,
you'll find yourself permanently locked out.
"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers."
- Tony Robbins
God created the donkey & said to him: “You will work
unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You
will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50
years."
You will be a donkey. “The donkey answered: “I will be a
donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years." God
granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him: "You
will be a dog. You will guard the house of man. You will be his best
friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25
years. You will be a dog." The dog answered: “Master, to live 25 years
is too much, you give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. God
created the Monkey and said to him: “You will be a monkey. You will
swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you
will live 20 years. You will be a monkey." The monkey answered: “Master
to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years." God granted
his wish.
Finally God created the salesman and said to him:
“You will be a salesman, the only rational creature on the face of the
earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." The salesman
responded: "I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,
give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did
not want and the 10 years the monkey refused." God granted his wish.
And since then, the salesman lives 20 years as a man, he marries and
spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on
his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog,
taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that
when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going
from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks
to amuse his grandchildren.
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful they must create their own destiny by asking a series of
correct questions. The ability to out negotiate one's superiors doesn't hurt either.
"A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived
of chance is a life of unconscious creation." - Neale Donald Walsch
A salesman traveling down main street, through a small town in
Georgia, noticed a wild dog suddenly leap out and attack a small boy on
the sidewalk. Without thought for his own safety, the salesman
instinctively dragged the dog off the boy before having to throttle it
to death with his own bare hands.
The shocking incident was witnessed by a reporter on the local
newspaper who went up and shook the hero by the hand. The reporter told
the salesman that the headline in this week's paper would be: Brave
Local Salesman Saves Child By Killing Vicious Beast.
"But I'm not from this town," replied the salesman.
"No problem," replied the reporter. "The headline will be: Georgia Salesman Saves Child By Killing Dog."
"As a matter of fact," revealed the salesman, "I'm not from Georgia at all! I'm from upstate New York!"
The reporter glared at him. "In which case sir, the headline will be: "Yankee Salesman Slays Family Pet!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they have to travel extensively and spend a lot of
time away from home. When on the road, true sales professionals know
that in order to survive they need to blend in as much as possible.
Don't draw attention to yourself and never use rental car companies that
put a big sticker of their logo on the back bumper of your rental
vehicle. They might as well just put a neon sign in the back window of
your car saying: "I'm from out of town on business. I'm carrying a
lot of cash, a computer and credit cards. No one is going to miss me
for a few days. Rob me now!"
"People get up, they go to work, they have their lives, but you'll
never see the headlines say, 'Six billion people got along rather well
today.' You'll have the headline about the thirty people who shot each
other." - John Malkovich
A salesman is complaining to a friend: “I had it all, money, a
beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful
woman. Then it was all gone!”
“What happened?” asks the friend.
“My wife found out!” replied the salesman. "And all she could say was, "How could you 'petraeus' us like that?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals have morals. They
understand that their personal life is an indicator of their
professional life and "vice" versa. True sales professionals know that
you can't put a price on your own credibility and once it's sold, there
are no refunds or exchanges.
"Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise, and
trading on your integrity and not having dignity in life. That's really
when failure comes." - Tom Cochrane
The Human Resources trainer had just finished her lecture on mental
health and was giving the sales team an oral test on the information
they had learned that day.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would
you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of
his lungs one minute, then sits down in a chair weeping uncontrollably
the next?"
A junior inside sales rep in the rear of the conference room raised his hand and answered, "a sales manager?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals realize that in order
to succeed at sales their sales manager needs to be successful. If
your sales manager is wasting time battling you and your sales
colleagues during the day, your sales manager is not able to spend his
or her time on your behalf, cutting through administrative bureaucracy
and forging more productive relationships with marketing. True sales
professionals know that if they want to grow the size of their
commission checks, they need to grow the most important relationship in
their sales career; the relationship they have with their immediate
sales manager.
"An employee's motivation is a direct result of the sum of
interactions with his or her manger."
- Bob Nelson
"Achieving the highest rate of return on human capital must be every
manager's goal."
- Brian Tracy
A smartly dressed salesman entered a plush Manhattan bar and took a
seat. The bartender came over and asked: "What can I get you to drink
sir?"
"Nothing, thank you," replied the salesman. "I tried alcohol once but I didn't like it, and I haven't drunk it since."
The bartender was a little perplexed but being a friendly, outgoing
sort, he pulled out some cigarettes from his pocket, flipped the top of
the pack and offered one to the salesman. But the salesman refused,
saying: "I tried smoking once, didn't like it, and I have never smoked
since. Look, actually I wouldn't be in here at all, except that I'm
waiting for my son."
To which the bartender said: "Your only child I presume?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
be successful at sales, you need to be polite and accept others
hospitality. Never hold a meeting in an establishment without ordering
something. It's the courteous thing to do. If you don't smoke or
drink and someone offers you either, just say, "No thanks, but I
appreciate your offer." Or you could counter with, "No thanks, I was
just about to order myself a coffee, could I order you one too?" In
this way you are less likely to offend anyone. Remember, an offended
prospect, rarely becomes a paying customer.
"My father was a guy who, because of the businesses he was in, - the
hotel business, - the hospitality business - he didn't differentiate
between the waiter serving you dinner, from the maitre d from the guy
who owns a restaurant. Everybody was the same to him. He didn't look
at who you were. He didn't look at your wallet." - Steve Tisch
The salesman's wife was having an affair with the TV repair man. She
complained. "My husband never pays any attention to me. All he's ever
bothered about is watching football on television. That's why we
bought the biggest set in the neighborhood. It's practically life
size! Just so he can watch the game."
Just then the salesman's wife heard a key in the front door. Her
husband had arrived home unexpectedly. She said to her lover: "Quick,
hide in behind the TV!"
So the TV repairman hid behind the TV while the husband sat down to
watch the football game. After ten minutes, it became so hot and
uncomfortable behind the television that the lover stood up and walked
straight past the salesman and out the front door.
The salesman turned to his long-suffering wife and said: "Hey,
honey, I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you
catch what happened there?"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to make the most of their spare time.
Catching a game live, with friends or business acquaintances, can be
considered networking. Sitting at home, by yourself, is doing nothing
to advance your career. Unless of course you aspire to become a career
couch potato, or career-less couch potato, whichever comes first!
"When you're young you look at television and think, there's a
conspiracy. The networks have conspired to dumb us down. But when you
get a little older, you realize that's not true. The networks are in
business to give people exactly what they want."
- Steve Jobs
An elderly salesman and his wife were lying in bed one night,
preparing to fall asleep for the evening. The salesman was starting to
drift into slumber but his wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to
talk.
She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily the salesman reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep."
A few minutes later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, the salesman reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, the salesman threw back the bed sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" his wife asked.
"To get my teeth!"
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales you need to be alert and at your best each and every
business day. That means you need to get a good night's sleep BEFORE
you can sink you teeth in to a full day at the office.
"One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive
everybody everything every night before you go to bed." - Bernard
Baruch
The salesman's early morning flight had been delayed by weather.
So he was in a rush to get to his first meeting of the day, when he
rushed from the airport and zipped into the closest cab he could
find. After giving the cab driver the address of his first meeting,
the salesman relaxed a bit, leaned back, and opened his briefcase to go
over his meeting's briefing notes one last time.
Wanting an audience to test out some of his presentation on, the
salesman reached up to the driver's seat and tapped the cabbie on the
shoulder.
The taxi cab driver screamed, lost control of his cab and nearly ran
into a crowd of pedestrians. "Don't ever do that to me again!
Ever!" He yelled.
"I'm very sorry," said the salesman. "But it was only a tap on the shoulder."
"That maybe so, but this is my first day as a cab driver!" replied
the cabbie. "Just last week I celebrated twenty years driving
hearses."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that in order to
succeed at sales they need to pay attention to modern social
conventions. They also need to respect their prospect's sense of
personal space. Tapping someone without warning on their shoulder,
could make that individual defensive or abusive; potentially making it
impossible for you to close your deal.
"The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere."
- Jimmy Fallon
The meek little salesman appeared before the judge. "In your
own words," said the judge, "I want you to tell me exactly what
happened."
The little salesman said: "Your Honor, I'm a point of sale software
salesperson, and I was simply researching trends in retail at the
library yesterday. There were two books I wanted to take out, so I got
in line. But when I reached the front desk, I was told that my library
card had expired. So I filled out the forms for another card, got in
another line and waited patiently. Then when I finally made it back to
the front desk, this librarian with attitude, asked me whether or not I
could prove I was from New York City. So naturally, I stabbed him."
Moral of the story. True sales professionals know that if they want
to succeed in sales they always have to up to date on trends within
their chosen field. One way to stay at the cutting edge of information
in your industry is to book some time at your library on a regular
basis. If you haven't been to your local library in some time; check it
out! You're long over due.
"A library is not a luxury but one of the necessities of life." - Henry Ward Beecher
