Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Sales Joke of the Day (April 22) The Old Salesman's IRS Audit.

The IRS decided to audit the old salesman, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when the old salesman showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.  I’m not sure the IRS finds …that believable."

"I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it," says the old salesman. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

The old salesman says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It’s a bet."

The old salesman removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor’s jaw drops.

The old salesman says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell the old salesman isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

The old salesman removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with the old salesman's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" the old salesman asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

The old salesman stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But the old salesman's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when the old salesman told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you’d be happy about it."

Moral of the story.  True sales professionals know that you have to be extra sharp and extra careful when you and a grizzled sales veteran are competing for the same business.   After all, who else do you know that can take on the IRS, his own attorney, urinate all over himself and still walk away with $25,000, without selling anything!

"The IRS!  They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"   -  Jerry Seinfeld